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My daughter is 3.5 and I just wrote a very similar post a couple of weeks ago.
Our issues were her getting up 100 times after she went to bed, then coming into our room at night time, and often waking up early.
She had a 7pm bedtime and still naps for about an hour in the afternoon.

We have just gone on 3 nights in a row of her much improved sleeping, these are the changes we made.

If she naps, I push bedtime to 8pm. If she doesn't nap, I keep her bedtime between 7pm-730pm. I am a huge stickler for naps and an early bedtime, I didn't want to push to a later bedtime, or get rid of her nap. I know she needs it even though it's the first thing everyone suggests to get rid of. I've tried to become a bit more easy with the nap, as long as she's in her room and quiet, I'm happy with that. Before, if I could hear her talking or playing, I'd go in there and tell her to close her eyes etc.

For Christmas I asked for a gro clock for her. We set it up on Xmas eve and she's finally understanding it. The past 3 days she hasn't come out of her room until the sun is up on her clock. ( Today she got up at 720, yesterday 8 and the day before 9, the clock is set for 715.)

We bought her a double mattress. We had her in the crib as a toddler bed ( with the one side of the crib off ) but as we are having another baby, we need the crib back. We were going to wait until we move in a few weeks but bought it on sale on boxing day. She's slept through the night every night since she's had the new bed and coming out of her room only maybe 3 times last night, once the night before, and none the first night.

I'm not sure if it's a combination of the new bed and the clock or what, but something has seemed to have clicked with her. Just hoping it lasts!

@littlejoy: I totally get it; it's hard. Like you, I'm pretty high sleep needs and my husband isn't. I just had to accept that LO is (apparently) like my husband and not me. I also always run cold and my husband runs hot and LO refuses to sleep under blankets and runs hot too - that's another one I'm always having to remind myself to let LO be herself on, versus me piling more blankets on her while she sleeps because *I'm* cold

@rachiecakes: oh yeah, me time after the kids go down doesn't work too well unless I stay up super late! Then I'm so tired the next day - not worth it!

@yoursilverlining: @littlejoy: yes! I leave for work really early in the morning and my husband works nights. I go to bed the same time as my son every night and always have pretty much. I could get a few hours to myself but like you said, I'd have to be up late and it's just not worth it!

@littlejoy: I have zero advice here, but just wanted to chime in that my 3.5 year old is exactly like yours and if she naps, there is zero chance she goes to bed before 10, if that. 10:30-11 is a normal for her for the weekdays when she does nap (at daycare). When she doesn't nap, she has ~13 hours of awake time so we can time it and we can usually get her in bed quickly and much more easily. And nothing works on this kid - not the clock, not the locked door, nada. So I totally empathize and glad to hear the later bedtime is working!

My son is 28 months so not the same, but we recently transitioned him out of his crib. We were having major issues getting him to settle down because he's my high-strung, easily overstimulated, and high-energy child. He needs his naps and early bedtimes and his crib gave him a lot of security - it was a zone of rest that I could instantly see calmed him when we put him in there. Suddenly being able to get out of it made him nuts and he was acting a fool. We got the Privacy Pop tent and stuck our twin mattress inside and locked the zippers with a small carabiner (super easy and fast to unsnap in the dark or in an emergency). We have white noise and as an added measure we put a doorframe lock on his door but haven't had to use it with the locked zippers.

He was a little confused by the tent the first two days and cried maybe 10-15 minutes but then something clicked and he understood it was a rest zone like his crib was. He has all his stuffed animals, we can put a leakproof water cup in there (Contigo Gizmo), and he just hollers in the morning when he's awake. We have been at my inlaws for 16 days for Christmas and we brought the tent with us and he's napped and slept beautifully in it. He even asks to go to bed sometimes and loves to plop down in it. The only thing we've held firm on is not sleeping in there with him (we will read books and snuggle together in the mornings and some comforting in the MOTN if he's sick but we explain he sleeps in his bed, baby sleeps in baby's bed, and mommy and daddy sleep in our bed.)

Child Proof Deluxe Door Top Lock https://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BR4TGA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_IdbByb4G4TWT4

I just read this and I am so glad you figured out it worked now for a later bedtime! Yes it was a tough transitioning for the kid and the parents (14 hours to 10 hours! Haha!). My DS used to push bedtime all the way to 10:30pm or 11 (!!!) so consider yourself lucky! This phase will go too, and now at 5, I am hoping to move bedtime up from 8 to 7:30 or 7... again !!!

There are still times DS won't go to sleep and keep getting up and ask for things. We don't have a lock at all so he can come out. We just give very minimal interaction and make it super uninteresting. DH sometimes say, if you can't sleep, please just sit here for the rest of the night. Mommy and I are going to bed soon. He'd sit there for a while, and he'd leave on his own. When he still comes up in 10 minute intervals, I would start fake calling a pediatrician that he hates (One time he gave him very bad tasting medicine and his fever / illness got worse) to check up on him. He'd go back to bed then usually.