I’m looking for advice from anyone who has ever felt they grew apart from a sibling or best friend. I’m feeling so distant from my sister who I love to death and struggling to find common ground.

My sister is 7 years older than me. She left for college when I was in 5th grade, and never lived back home with us after that. We were distant when I was in high school and college, plus a solid 10 years after that, mainly due to geography. The advent of social media helped, plus my wedding which drew us closer just because of the number of events and gatherings in a short time.

Now, 6 years later, we are farther apart than ever. The biggest reason is that she and her DH plus my 3 nieces live abroad in Florence. We see them twice a year, maybe.

They have a charmed life. My BIL sold his company about 5 years ago for double, maybe triple digit millions. He and my sister “retired” at age 45. They live in a house which rents for $15,000/mo and don’t bat an eye. My nieces go to the premiere school in Florence where all the diplomats and celebrities send their kids. My sister does not work. She takes Italian classes, sits on the planning committee for a few galas and has a lot of hired help. They travel to about 10-12 different countries/year.

I have an awesome life, but their life is just so far from mine. DH and I work our asses off in stressful jobs that we both love and fortunately pays well. But we have >$600k in student loan debt from medical school and stress about how we will ever pay that off. We travel twice a year and do most things we want with DD, but day to day is hectic and often overwhelming. Those familiar with our TTC story know we’ve had a shitty 2 years. But we have a beautiful DD, fulfilling jobs and we make it work.

Today just set me off. My sister and her family are in the US visiting for a few weeks as they do every summer. My sister asked me months ago about dates to come to see us, and I told her there was a 4 day span where I was traveling for work, and that whole week would be bad bc I’d likely have to work every day after I returned. She scheduled the visit for then anyway, and sure enough, I had to work every day they were in town. So, I thankfully found someone to work one shift for me (costing me $2000), and the plan was they would all come that day.

Flash forward to the morning they are supposed to come - she asks if they can meet 1/2 way between where I live and their prior destination... so splitting a 2 hr trip into 1+ hrs each way. Frustrated, exhausted and discouraged I write back and say I can do it if it’s the only way I will see them. They end up coming here ultimately, but there was clearly frustration on all parts during the visit.

I feel so much resentment. My sister literally has Instagram followers because her life looks like a vacation. She doesn’t work, has a full-time housekeeper and often a nanny when needed. Both DH and I work our asses off, doing seriously stressful work that we love but takes its toll for sure. We’ve lost a baby, (they have three)... struggles with IVF for 18 months now... and rarely get a day off together.

I feel like my life is SO far apart from my sisters. I don’t even know how to relate. Her idea of stress and mine are so different it’s ridiculous. I never even told her about my TFMR (had told her it was a MC), but then she never asked a question after (how are you doing?, thinking of you, I’m sure that was difficult...)

I love my sister and wish we were closer, but I feel like she lives in a different universe where money is no object and has no concept of normal peoples stress. How do we find a way to reconnect?