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@grizz: omg I didn't see this thread before. Did he read the lemon clot essay?
He is not being a supportive husband at all. You are going to be birthing his baby and your feelings and physical comfort should be his priority!! Would you consider going to couples counseling so a neutral third party can talk some sense into him?
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It is so hard. We had a lot of friends and family upset with us because I didn't want anyone but immediate family for the first two weeks. My inlaws did a drop in with their friends and an aunt and uncle- I was pissed. I was still healing and learning to breastfeed.
If DH is unwilling to budge, when people get there I would retreat to the bedroom with the baby and say that you need to feed your LO. That was always my escape clause.
Sorry that you have to deal with this. Having a baby is stressful enough!
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Oh my! No no no no no - no way would I allow this either! Don't back down in this discussion. Your husband is being really unreasonable, although I think he just doesn't understand the intensity of a brand new baby for a mom. Being able to freely breastfeed and rest is PRICELESS. Have you mentioned you & baby will be asleep or topless for 90% of the first weeks? That's no time for extended family visitors.
When DS was 1 week, my parents were staying with us & FIL/SMIL invited themselves to stay for a night. DH said yes without asking me & I flipped out. I can't imagine if it had been 30+!
I agreed to a lot of visitors in the first 2 months (more than a dozen overnight visitors, including hosting Thanksgiving). I regret it & never would again. It was stressful, burned me out, and made me feel like I missed out on some peaceful bonding. Thankfully, my baby didn't get sick.
If it were me, and my DH and MIL didn't budge, I'd inform them that baby & I would be in the bedroom the whole time. They could go against my wishes and come as they please, but we wouldn't be available for "viewing". (Also, what are you two, an art gallery? Everyone will try to put their hands on that baby!) -
@mewtill: Wow, I'm so sorry that you went through that with family. I totally understand that regret or resentment over not getting peaceful bonding with your baby when disruptive family is around. When everything went crazy with my MIL, I camped out in our bedroom with the baby. I felt safe there unlike how the rest of my house felt during that time.
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@NerdBee: Yep. He said he felt like it was exaggerated because if giving birth was actually that bad, no one would have babies. His examples against it include the fact that we've brought food to lots of our friends with new babies. I think he's forgetting the fact that we scheduled the drop off, dropped off the dinner, said a quick hello to Mom, Dad, and baby, and made ourselves scarce. NOT the same as 20-30 family members passing through town who are going to slob all over my newborn for hours.
I am so disappointed because my husband and I have never ever had problems or had an issue we couldn't resolve in under an hour. I feel helpless. I'm going to see if my OB will talk some sense into him at my next appointment, and if not some couple friends of ours might be able to. I can't get him to understand that its a big deal. If that doesn't work, I guess all I can do is hope the baby is late. I feel so alone and so angry.
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@grizz: the thing that I find the most concerning is how easily your DH is dismissing your feelings and concerns. Even if he doesn't agree with you, he should at the very least take your feelings into consideration. Excuse my language but your DH makes me want to junk punch him. I hope your OB can talk some sense into him!
I hope he'll eventually come around *hugs!*
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Shut. Up.
No way is this acceptable from your MIL or your DH. You have extremely valid concerns and you should not have any extra anxiety. Tell those b's they need to wait for the birth announcement in the mail. We're not doing all that.
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@grizz: Gosh I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.
I hope that your OB talks some sense into him! Does your OB have the background on this dilemma? I forget if you mentioned that. I agree with a previous poster that maybe a neutral third party can help as well. It's tremendously unfair that your DH is adding all of this pressure on you. YOu will already have enough to deal with. -
@MrsLilybugg: I have an appointment with my OB in a week and a half and I'll ask her if she'll address it w/ him at a future appointment. If not only for baby's sake because of over-stimulation, germs, etc but for my own sake. I suffer from anxiety and she's flagged me as high risk for PPD.
A possible solution is that we could bring the baby over to my ILs so these people can see him but not be in our home. That way I have control over how long we stay. DH already agreed that we won't be passing baby around to be held so that makes me feel better.
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@grizz: your possible solution definitely seems like A LOT better than the parade in and out of your home!! I hope your OB scares some sense into him at your next appt together though!
I hope that your OB talks some sense into him! Does your OB have the background on this dilemma? I forget if you mentioned that. I agree with a previous poster that maybe a neutral third party can help as well. It's tremendously unfair that your DH is adding all of this pressure on you. YOu will already have enough to deal with. 
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