Advice or support for sleep training (Ferber)

By catlady Mar 13, 2014

LO is 5 months old and has been waking up 8+ times per night for over 6 weeks now, with only a couple decent nights thrown in. Sometimes it's easy to get her to go back down, other times someone ends up staying up with her for an hour. She was never a good sleeper to begin with so our sleep deficit is huge. We've tried co-sleeping and non-CIO methods and they haven't helped. I have been battling illness after illness since I am so run down. DH and I both work full time and our jobs are suffering. We have really reached the end of our ropes.

Our pedi gave us the green light for sleep training and actually recommended Weissbluth's extinction method, but DH and I decided we'd prefer to try Ferber's method (with checks) first. We were going to wait until the weekend, but the situation this week has been so bad that we are now going to start tonight.

Just looking for support, or any tips/advice if you have used CIO successfully.

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12 comments

Trailmix
nectarine / 2152 posts

Mar 13, 2014

I found that the anticipation was worse than the actual event. And the first wake-up/crying spell was also the worst. So once you get past that, it gets a little easier. Also, earplugs.
2PeasinaPod
pomelo / 5524 posts

Mar 13, 2014

First...wishing you the best. Deciding to do CIO was one of the toughest decisions we had to make, but also one of the best for us. You have to figure out what works for you. For us, the checks made LO worse and he escalated quickly. We did Weissbluth's extinction method.

I second @trailmix's recommendation on ear plugs. I had to put earphones in. We had a video monitor, so we could see if he was in trouble or if he was just crying, but it was far harder on me than it was on DH. There were a lot of times where I had to go into our basement, put my earphones in and let DH call me when he settled.

LO took a bit longer to train...the first week was awful, but it slowly got better. I would say it took us a month of CIO before he went down with no fussing.

Lots of luck, and be strong! Stick to your guns!
Mamaof2
squash / 13208 posts

Mar 13, 2014

We did CIO with checks to reduce my DS's night wakings - he was waking every 2 hours at 10 months and I was going nutty!

I wrote about it on my person blog so I will paste it below.
-----------------

So, S woke at 11pm. I went in and nursed him and when he was finished he fell asleep – so I walk to the crib and as soon as I lay him down he sits up and starts crying. I tell him its time for sleep, I love you and leave. Clock says 11:30 on the dot.

11:35pm – I wait 5 minutes. I walk in and he immediately stops crying, actually I turned on the bathroom light so I could see and he stopped crying – LOL – little stinker he KNEW I was coming! He is sitting up so I lay him down and try to give him Nelson (paci) he doesn’t want it – I tell him its time to sleep and that I love him – I leave

11:42pm – This time I wait 7 minutes. I walk in, again he stops crying, he is sitting up again, I lay him down, try to give him Nelson, tell him I love him and its time to sleep – I leave

11:51pm – This time I wait 9 minutes. I walk in, again he stops crying, he is sitting up again, I lay him down, try to give him Nelson, tell him I love him and its time to sleep – I leave

11:56pm – It gets quiet for a moment and I think ok, 26 mins, not TOO bad, then he starts crying again. I will next check on him after 11 mins, so 12:02am

12:01am – Quiet

12:03am – I decide to go check on him one last time and I see that he has fallen asleep (we didn't have a video monitor yet)

6:20am – I wake S for the day and he greets me with the biggest smile…. He still loves me

---------------------

It took a few nights of this and then he was finally only waking 2 times per night - which was fine with me

Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon ~hugs~
catlady
grapefruit / 4988 posts

Mar 13, 2014

@Trailmix: Yes, the anticipation is bad! I hope that ends up being the worst part for us too.

@2PeasinaPod: Thanks for the support. How long did it take you to learn that the extinction method worked best for your LO? I sort of suspect that may be the case for ours, but DH wants to try the checks first and I'm ok with that.

@Mamaof2: Your LO sounds like ours, up every 2 hours. Glad it worked for you! I hope we get similar results.
kiddosc
grapefruit / 4278 posts

Mar 13, 2014

Just remember, that once you start you need to stick with it and be consistent, or the crying will have been for nothing. I needed to remind myself of that when I wanted to go in there so badly. Be prepared with things to distract yourself, like a book or game on your phone. I also turned the volume on the monitor all the way down, we have a video monitor so I could see that he was still ok, but it made it easier not to hear the crying from across the house AND echoed through the monitor. You can do this and you, DH and LO will all be better off for it!
Elderberrygin
kiwi / 689 posts

Mar 13, 2014

I did CIO with checks (not Ferber, because keeping track of the timing seemed like too much in the middle of the night - I did straight five minute checks each time based on the Sleep Easy Solution, but I read through Ferber before implementing it).

It was hard the first night but it worked quickly. I was expecting a horror night of extinction behavior on night three and...nothing. Straight out. Like previous posters have said, the anticipation was harder.

My advice: stick to your plan, you know your family best and getting sleep is important for the health of everyone, get a good bottle of wine and line up something distracting to watch on tv. My SO and I did shifts so it wasn't too overwhelming and while one person did timed checks the other put on noise canceling headphones and caught up on Doctor Who.

Good luck, mama!
2PeasinaPod
pomelo / 5524 posts

Mar 13, 2014

@catlady: I would say within the first 2 or 3 days. It just seemed to prolong his crying and made it worse when we would go in and check. I think on the 3rd day, we decided to go cold turkey extinction, and it was far more tolerable...he cried a little longer that first day, but we found that it started working the second day of extinction. The video monitor helped so much to ease my nervousness, but it was still so hard for me to hear him cry!
daniellemybelle
cantaloupe / 6669 posts

Mar 13, 2014

I feel for you! We were at hourly wakeups too & that's why we tried Ferber as well, at 4 months. I was also worried that we would make her more upset with checks but they really did help settle her & also reassure me. We kept 2 night feedings & actually didn't really have to CIO many wake-ups. For my LO the key really is falling asleep on her own. If she does that she can settle herself back.

Of course I'm a screw up & when she regressed after a week, I didn't stick with it So we slowly slid back to crap sleep. She is still going longer at night though. We are going on a trip & when we get back we are retraining, and this time if/when she has a regression we will keep with it.
catlady
grapefruit / 4988 posts

Mar 13, 2014

Thanks everyone! We got through round 1 with only 2 checks so I'm feeling somewhat optimistic right now. Hoping that the rest of the night will go well. The worst part of the night for us is always 3am onward though, so we will see.

@daniellemybelle: Don't beat yourself up! Sounds like you are at least doing better than before. Hourly wakeups are seriously like torture, I feel like we should all cut ourselves some slack when we are going through this stuff.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Mar 13, 2014

8+ times! Oh no I am so sorry... Hopefully it will all smoothed out soon!

I know a million people has asked you this before but did you let your LO nap for a long uninterrupted period of time? Maybe limit each nap to 2-3 hours and see if it helps? Also try to keep your LO up between 4-7pm (or for 2.5-3 hours straight... you have to adjust a bit according to your LO) before putting her down for the night, and see if that helps?

Another thought is maybe she is teething or getting sick? Or acid reflux? I wonder if your ped had any suggestion on whether there may be any possible underlying problem? 8 times a night is really a lot considering he is not a newborn..!

So sorry - when LO woke for 2-3 times a night back in the days I already wanted to die. I can't imagine what you are going through!
catlady
grapefruit / 4988 posts

Mar 13, 2014

@irene: Thanks for your suggestions. Our LO is a poor napper as well, so overly long naps aren't the problem. She honestly probably doesn't nap long enough (she gets 3-4 naps, usually about 30-45 min long). As for other possibilities, we considered teething but this has been going on for over a month with no sign of teeth yet. She has no symptoms of reflux. Pedi says she's healthy. It's a mystery! My best guess is that she's actually chronically overtired and sleeps poorly as a result.
blackbird
wonderful grape / 20453 posts

Mar 13, 2014

It worked great for us! Give it a whole week, I hope it works for you! Hang in there

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