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For free childcare I could live with all of those and wouldn't say anything... except for the nap one!

I obviously don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but if it were me I would just talk to her. I can talk to my own mom about anything, though, so that influences my answer. What reaction do you think she would have if you were straight-forward with her about these issues? That stuff would drive me crazy, but it is free childcare so it might be totally worth it just to deal with it!

The only thing that I would say anything about is naps (and/or child care related things), I'd live with everything else.

I would keep my mouth shut except for the napping, I would make it very clear that LO needs to lay down for naps so it doesn't affect her sleep. As for dinner ingredients, seems silly, but I would put it in a plastic Target bag and have a note on it "for tonight's dinner" so it's clear it's not for the taking. I think for free child care mom should be allowed to eat just about whatever she wants, and a messy house is a drop in the hat for saving thousands of dollars! The sleep though...I would say since this is a pretty permanent arrangement LO needs to be on a schedule. Maybe type it up so she knows what it should be? I have a very open relationship with my mom so I know she wouldn't be insulted by this and she wouldn't care if I said "hey the chicken in the fridge is for dinner tonight"

What if you set aside a shelf in the fridge your mom doesn't touch, and let her know they're dinner ingredients? She'd probably feel bad if she knew she ate the chicken you were thawing for dinner!

I'd only bring up the nap thing. I'd mention to her before you leave each day which stuff you plan to use for dinner. I'm sure that asking her not to eat it won't hurt her feelings.

I work 4 days a week, and my mom and my MIL both watch our daughter for 2 days each per week. It is SO amazing but comes with its own struggles!

One thing we did that really helped was sat down with them before we started (I think you can still do this now) and talked about our expectations and rules. I even typed up a little sheet with basic info, including pediatrician's info and all that, but also including things like how many naps she was taking, any 'off limits' foods, and a reminder not to put anything in her crib with her. The typed up sheet may have been overkill...

For us, we have very different expectations for the times when they're being our childcare providers versus when they're just hanging out being fun grandma. And we've talked about that with them and it seems like we're on the same page. As an example, when they're being the childcare provider, we expect them to try to get her to nap, not turn the house into a total wreck, eat healthy foods, and limit TV time. If they ever watch her for us overnight or if we go hang out with them on the weekends, we're very relaxed about screen time, leaving toys all over the house, cookie eating, staying up late, etc.

That seems to be a good balance because we know she's getting structure during the week, but they also get to just play with her and be the fun grandparents sometimes too.

I would suck it up (except naps) for free childcare from a family member!

I would speak to my mom about all of the items that were bothering me, we have that kind of relationship though. I am also one that can't let things go, no matter how much I attempt to.

My mom and dad are my son's before and after care, he's at their house from 6 to 6 basically, and they bring him to school, so we've come to agree that we need to be honest about how things are going, otherwise, the arrangement doesn't work and my son is the one that suffers.

I think any time you open up an offer like this there needs to be clear expectations on both sides. The mess wouldn't bother me...but the nap thing would be a deal breaker. The food thing is tricky and I don't have a solution for that one....I think it is so much easier to have these conversations up front rather than breed resentment on both sides. I would also plan on sitting down to talk about how things are going after a period of time (like put it on the calendar every 3 months or so) so that there is an established time for discussion. That way neither party has to be the one to say "we need to talk".

Label or put the food in a drawer in a fridge and just tell her that's the place for dinner food.
I'd let the rest go.

Agree with Mr.Bee. Tidying up after her and LO seems totally worth it for free child care. With regards to food-- I'd maybe either ask her for a list of what she'd like for lunch/snacks for herself each week so you can pick it up when shopping, or just buy stuff you know she likes and let her know what other stuff is for dinners. The nap thing is worth saying something about.

I would leave the messiness alone. I would address the nap issue. I would also come up with a system to identify food that is off-limits due to dinner plans because that is really disruptive to your evening. Maybe (1) label a shelf in the fridge as off-limits (and discuss with her in advance) and (2) ask her to let you know if there are particular snacks she would like you to keep in stock.

Is baby not sleeping while being held? I'd have a conversation about naps but more in a wAy how can we get baby to sleep better during the day and why it's helpful for you to have baby used to the crib.
I don't think you'll get anywhere on the messes. the food one Maybe can be taken care of by putting stuff on one side or asking her when you go grocery shopping what you should get her for lunch and snacks. If you phrase it as you're eating our dinner it sounds a bit more attacking then what can I get you for lunch

Could you prep meals ahead of time so that they are all together and she can't really use those ingredients? ie today I made chicken stroganoff in the crock pot and mixed everything up together a few days ago so I could just dump it in. If you had the meals for the week prepped and ready to put in the crock pot or in a casserole dish labelled with the days then she would not be as likely to eat that thing maybe??

I would be a stickler about naps. I would also ask that she requests a few food items she loves that you could always keep stocked for her )bagels, cream cheese, veggies, hummus, yogurt etc) and just mention that you have had to run to the grocery store to replace ingredients. IMO cleaning up after her is the price you pay for having free childcare, a bummer, but still.

I would let all of that go too. Even the nap thing doesn't bother me. My mom use to hold DD for all her naps too and shoo, as long as she gets her to nap I don't care how she does it! That was just a phase anyway and eventually DD started napping on her own in her pack n' play.

Honestly, I'd let it all go. Complaining about stuff like this seems ungrateful.

I am just commenting to follow. I have not given birth yet, but my mom has graciously volunteered to watch the baby for free at her house while we are at work. It would only be 2-3 days a week (depending on the week). I am not that close with her and have been thinking about how to get and keep everyone on the same page with the baby.