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I don't think its a matter of whether the kid is fine - its a matter of whether YOU are fine. Kids aren't going to be happy if their parents are unhappy.

For what its worth, both my parents worked long hours and my brother and I were latch key kids from VERY early on - like they probably would call CPS on my folks in this day and age. But my brother and I are both really close to each other and we both have good relationships with our parents (well, not so much with my dad, but its more because he's a jerk). We didn't see our parents all that much and they couldn't come to most of our school functions, but they always conveyed how much they loved us and how everything they did was to ensure we had a good life, so we never felt like they were choosing work over us. They just didn't really have options otherwise.

My brother and I always did great in school too and although I personally was bullied in school, I don't know that my folks being around more would have changed that. Kids are just mean and they were always very supportive and encouraging and made sure any bullying was notified and dealt with by the school or the bully's parents.

That said, if it bothers YOU to be away from your child that much, then that's a whole other situation. If you can CHOOSE to be more involved with your kid's life and want to, then by all means do it. But I don't think you can predict how stressful school will be for your son until he gets there and see how he does. If he IS stressed out, then you can use that to bolster your personal desire to be more present in your child's schooling, but I don't see why wanting to be around your child more is "lazy." Can't the reason just be "because I'm his mom and I feel like it"?

I don't think you're wrong and certainly not lazy, I think everyone has a different idea of what is right for their family, it's not a one size fits all. You ARE raising your LO though, you are the one making decisions for them, not daycare.
I think if you can swing it financially, and you really want to make those changes, then you should, if it is that important to you. If your husband will come round, of course. I don't see what it has to do with your parents or in laws, it's between you and DH. Good luck, for what it's worth, I think whether you work full time, part time or stay home, it's such an incredibly hard decision to make. I constantly question myself.

I have been a nanny for a few moms in your position, I admire them sooo much because they seem to have this super power of making their time with their kids really count for a lot. I think quality time counts for a ton. I know it is a huge weight on your and their shoulders and I don't think there is a right answer. I don't think that the hours he is in child care is too much if it is working for your family. Big hugs to you as you work out what the "right" option is!

@Mama Bird: I would say to keep your MIL & parents opinions out of it. If it's important to you, you should emphasize that to your husband and make it work. I think your concerns are valid - that is a long day for a little person! But obviously any kid in loving, capable care is going to be just fine.

@Mama Bird: my parents both worked full time jobs and we are very close. Please don't blame your lack of closeness with your parents on them working...and my parents raised me while working full time just like DH and I are raising our daughter while working full time.

I agree with PPs that I do not feel that either way is "wrong", it's whatever works best for you and your child.

I do not think wanting to cut back on work to spend more time with your family is "lazy". If it's what you want to do and you can pull it off, I think it's a perfectly valid choice.

I think you should follow your heart. I am on the same page as you, but I also don't think it will be developmentally bad for your LO to be in daycare for long hours.

If anything, he's getting an amazing opportunity to learn how to play with other kids and socialize.

I think it's important that you and your partner are on the same page, and everyone else (in-laws/family) shouldn't have a say.

Thinking of you! I am sure this is heavy on your heart.

Like others mentioned, happy parents have happy kids, it's not all about the hours spent together.

I think it's important to sit with your feelings and figure out exactly what you want. Sometimes we have concepts in our minds of what is best, but when we look deeper, those do not fit our situation best.

And once you know what you truly want out of the situation, then discuss with DH what will work best for you as a family. Be open with the communication to make sure you hear each others' wants. Again, happy parents - happy kid.

Hugs! These dilemmas are never easy. Listen to your heart and don't doubt yourself, your love for LO is the same no matter what!

I definitely don't think it makes you lazy and I'd be pretty pissed if someone said that to me. DH and I are both teachers and while we'll never be rich, one thing that keeps me in this profession is knowing that I'll be able to see my kids more and we'll be on the same schedule. If you're able to change your hours and that's what you want to do, I say go for it! You're the mama and it's your kid.

Also, it may be because I'm sensitive to this subject right now, but I don't think daycare is raising your son. They may physically have him and take care of for a certain number of hours a week, but you make decisions for him and do everything in his best interest. You're still raising him! (My mom watches my LO while I work and she recently told me, during an argument, that she raises him...and it really upset me.)

If you can work in after school pick ups go for it. I was very close with my parents growing up and still am. They both worked full time and traveled quite a bit. I was usually picked up within the last half hour of the after-school program. It was our normal and just what had to be done.

@Mama Bird: personally, i think we all spend too many hours at work to be miserable and carry that over to the people who matter to us most. But, leaving something that is comfortable is a huge step too. You will have to determine if your salary is worth the sacrifice.