I've seen a few people posting this response article to the "director of operations" Mother's Day ad, and I have to say, I kind of agree with it. I totally understand why so many people love the ad, especially because it's intended to create a certain emotional response. But as someone who's just at the beginning of the TTC/parenting journey, it also makes being a mom sound more than a little scary! What do you think?
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I think the ad was definitely over the top but that is how you get a response from people. I mean sure there are SOME nights you never sleep, but eventually most babies figure it out. There are also baby sitters and dads and aunts and uncles -- fortunately mothers are typically not alone 100% of the time. I
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@MrsSCB: I totally agree with the article. I feel like a lot of stuff on the internet (i.e., HuffPost) treats parenting as this horrendously tiring thing that saps all your energy and makes you a different person. I mean, there are tiring moments, but I get a lot of joy out of being a parent. I like to think I'm a better version of myself before having kids. And you definitely get breaks!
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I feel like people are just looking too far into this. It's just an ad! I was laughing when watching the video - some of it is an exaggeration.
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@MrsSCB: you know, my first reaction when I saw the video was- dang it, I must be a crappy mom because I def don't spend the whole day on my feet!
yeah I've had sleepless nights but I've also had nights where I tell my husband "it's all you buddy" and hide under the covers.
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I think the ad is being over-analyzed a bit too much. It's meant to be an over-exaggeration to celebrate moms and all they do and play a prank on those people who interviewed. I really enjoyed the ad, but didn't take it as gospel for what a mom's (or dad's) life is really like.
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@littlecasita1122: @Adira: but the thing is, this isn't the only ad, blog post, etc that makes parenting out to be a huge chore. I think that's a really common theme these days, and the more things (like this ad) that put the theme out there, the more pressure there is for moms to say, "well parenting is just supposed to suck, apparently" instead of asking for help when things get overwhelming.
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I think it's pretty accurate when there's NO sleep happening in a house, for both parents. Whether you WOH, WAH or SAH, getting zero sleep, pushing through every day life and taking care of a LO (especially 2+) is so hard. Since it's rewarding, I wouldn't call it the worlds toughest job but it's definitely not easy or leisurely.
The SAHD in the article who said a trip to story time with a toddler is not tough, probably hasn't better pregnant, up all night with said toddler, vomitting all morning, hurrying to get the oldest off to school, then going to story time to get the toddler out of the house for once that week, only to have the toddler scream the whole time and then rush off to pick up the oldest from preschool. Then go about the day taking care of them, cleaning, still vomiting and just wanting to sleep. Parenting isn't like that all of the time but there are some days that are definitely TOUGH and unbearable.
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@MrsSCB: I don't know. Parenting is NOT easy. Some days are definitely easier than others, but some days it really does feel like the hardest job on the planet and the most frustrating. I think everyone just does the best they can and hope for the best. I don't really see how ads like this convince people not to get help if they feel they need it (and have the means to get help).
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I think whenever there are absolutes, people take offense.
"Being a mom is a really really hard job"
is different than
"Being a mom is the hardest job".There's no such thing as "the hardest job".
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I've seen it all over the place, but didn't really give it a second thought... it's just an ad. They're supposed to be exaggerated. But, I really do love the writer's friend Mike's response.
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@Adira: @HLK208: I think we'll just have to agree to disagree, which is cool. I just want to clarify that by no means do I not think parenting is hard. But 24/7 all the time, toughest job in the world? No, or at least it shouldn't be. I just think it does a disservice to normalize that. Anyway, I'm not offended by it, I just think it raises an interesting discussion
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So...I watched the video. It gave me a warm fuzzy. And that was all. But I thought some of the points it made were kind of ridiculous (moms are not "chefs" or have "medical degrees". Please. I'm the mother effing renaissance man, if that's the case).
Sure you have some crappy days, but you have plenty of awesome days, too. And they, in my opinion and experience, far, far, far outweigh the crappy ones. They're just a teeny blip on my radar, honestly
I'm sure there are harder things out there and there are CERTAINLY people out there who have it harder than me.
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I dunno. They didn't "trick" me at all because it was so obvious it was talking about moms. So while I agree most of what they said is true (no sleep a lot of nights/on your feet all the time/more work on weekends/holidays etc) and it is super hard, it's more rewarding than just "you get emotional rewards too!". It's the intangible. As I heard a comedian on the radio say yesterday, "Parenting is the worst experience of my life and the best experience of my life running parallel. It's like doing crack - unbelievable highs followed by huge crashes and you just get addicted to it".
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In some ways I agree with you, but not 100%... I think that whether you are WOHM/WAHM/SAHM it is hard, and I would never say that SAHM is harder than WOHM or vice versa. It depends on the person, honestly. I really liked the ad and it made me tear-up - it was very sweet.
But there are points you raise that I 100% agree with. I saw this posted on FB last night and I did not find it funny: http://www.scarymommy.com/ways-you-know-youre-a-stay-at-home-mom/
Maybe it's because I haven't been a SAHM for the last year, but it wasn't like that for me. That list makes it sound like mothers are messy, unkept, disorganized, etc... And that just wasn't me and nor did I want it to be. If I needed a shower, I did it while baby was sleeping, brought him with me, or set him up in his bouncer/pnp while I was in there. I got dressed everyday, we ran errands, I cleaned up after every meal (that we ate together), etc...
Maybe it's because I only have one kid? I DO sleep, quite a bit actually. Sure it took a year until I could sleep 7-8 hours again.. And there are nights that are exceptions.I agree with this -->
"this isn't the only ad, blog post, etc that makes parenting out to be a huge chore. I think that's a really common theme these days, and the more things (like this ad) that put the theme out there, the more pressure there is for moms to say, "well parenting is just supposed to suck, apparently" instead of asking for help when things get overwhelming."
Is it overwhelming sometimes - yes. Does that make it suck? no. -
I loved that ad bc I am super cheesy and of course it's an exaggeration but there is definitely some truth to it which is why it made me tear up thinking about my mom and everything she has done and continues to do for me. She works hard and then cooks me a meal and brings it over and watches my kid bc she loves me...not bc she's getting paid or winning any awards or getting anything.
Being a SAHM to one kiddo is pretty darn easy. I am so lucky and my husband works freaking hard so I have the choice to stay at home. But I know some moms with 3-4 kids all under the age of 6 and staying home was not their choice and it's a freaking hard job...unpaid and often thankless. Nobody thinks she is so skilled to get 4 kids dressed and fed and off to activities all while running a household and being a friend/daughter/wife/sister to others that need her. That mom likely doesn't sleep much and doesn't have time for herself. Yes, it's her choice to have that number of kids that close together...it's her investment in her kids/family...but she does a great job with a smile on her face. So if she wants to go on about how tough her life is I don't in any way question that. Those guys on the Alaskan fishing boats make like $300k in a month. A mom of many kids is often unappreciated, gets no compensation/bonus/promotion/etc, has little free time...and sometimes the monotony of the same routine can be tiring. So while that ad was just a silly exaggeration it definitely has some truth it in for some moms out there.
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@TemperanceBrennan: +1, well said!
I think it's just an ad and not meant to be taken quite so seriously. But that said, it did exaggerate some things. (Then again, it didn't mention the parts of parenting that I've found truly tiring- when your kid is sick and going through a mommy phase, when your kid screams for hours on end and as a little baby and you have tried everything, blahblahblah. The things that were exaggerated wouldn't have stopped me - didn't stop me- from having a baby. They were kind of just the stereotypical things.)
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My husband has been saying this all along - and always uses the Deadliest Catch example!! He says that I find parenthood so challenging because I martyr myself to it - and its true, I guess. I've seen him play with his phone while she whines (I drop everything and go to her). He frequently starts making us food when she needs feeding (I sometimes go all day without eating if she's cranky). And when I get home having left her with him for an hour or so the house is a bombsite - remains of DD's food left everywhere, his dishes left out, toys everywhere - I tidy as I go and spend her naps proper cleaning.
For me, personally, SAHM (6 month mat leave) was the hardest job Ive ever done. In fact I think I would prefer a stint on a crab boat to having a colicky newborn! Its emotionally draining and that's what pushes my buttons I guess. Its horses for courses and this is one horse for whom staying home sucked ass!
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I was mostly annoyed for those people who were probably very excited to get a call back for an interview after searching for who knows HOW long only to be duped. It was a touching commercial, but I would be annoyed that they had wasted my time. This coming from someone who has been in that position myself as well as has a DH who is trying to find another position.
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@Mrs.Panda: I was thinking the same thing during the commercial! "Oh MOMS! Ha ha ha. But seriously, is there a job here? No? You just wasted my time that you're not paying me for so you could make money with a Hallmark commercial?"
I am in the camp where I don't think parenting is a "job", and I have been a SAHM. I think it's a lifestyle choice, or a voluntary taking on of additional responsibility, not a job, and certainly not the world's toughest job if it was a job. I hate stuff like this ad for a number of reasons such as those set out in the article - the ridiculous over-exaggeration, the martyring, the total absence of acknowledgment of the other parent and other caregivers. I was terrified of becoming a parent because of the overabundance of this schlock, and I just wish we would all agree to knock it off.
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@Mrs.Panda: Yeah I agree, crappy thing to do!
@Rockies11: I feel the same way!
I didn't watch the whole ad. I got to the part about being on your feet while bending and lifting constantly, crazy long shifts and never getting any breaks...and then I rolled my eyes and exited out of it. I don't know about you guys, but my baby takes naps! And sometimes I *gasp* let him play by himself. I don't know, I get that it's an ad and they're pretty much just pandering to moms for the emotional response they expect to get, but I feel like it can be kind of patronizing for that reason. If I actually paid attention to stuff like this, my takeaway would basically be that I'm an awful parent because sometimes I let my child play by himself instead of entertaining him 24/7, and often when he's napping or in bed for the night I take a break instead of doing housework. I mean yeah, being a parent is a 24/7 job in that your child could need you at any given moment and you would be there...but I cannot imagine the level of stress I'd be under if it was really as difficult as ads like this make it out to be!
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@MrsSCB: I agree with the article. I enjoyed the end of the video, but I eye-rolled pretty hard at a lot of it. Yes, being a mom is hard. Do I think it's the hardest job in the history of the universe? Absolutely not. With all the hardships of being a mom there are an equal number of rewards (smiles, hugs, kisses). There are some jobs that suck 100% of the time!
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@Mrs.Panda: ahhh, yes! I've been unemployed and looking for a job before, I would have been so upset by a fake out!
@wonderstruck: I agree about it being a bit patronizing, like "oh moms, you DO have it tough," *head pat*
I can definitely see why people relate to it -- I mean that's the whole point of the ad, eliciting an emotional response. I know it's "just an ad" so it might seem silly to analyze, but advertising has a pretty big influence, otherwise companies wouldn't shell out millions of dollars on it, haha. I think it's interesting to pick apart and question the ways they try to manipulate us.
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@Cherrybee: too funny that your H uses the Deadliest Catch example! Must be a guy thing, haha. I definitely don't question any individual person who says it's the hardest job they've ever done. It's more the idea that it's THE hardest out there. Like worse than scrubbing toilets 12 hours a day for minimum wage? There's not much joy to be found in that.
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"And don’t let idiotic memes, tropes, and commercials convince you that you have to be in a state of constant suffering to be a good parent."
This really resonated with me, from the article. I spent a lot of DS' early days feeling like I had to a martyr to be a good mom.
I don't think parenting is the hardest job ever, but parenting, combined with everything else (job, household, relationships, etc.) definitely is a challenge. I think it's harder than in previous generations because this do-it-all-yourself mentality has emerged. My mom had tons of help and doesn't understand why I've struggled. I think we need to bring back the village!
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I think being a SAHM is an easier job than waiting tables. Maybe because I enjoy it more.
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@Dandelion: I LOVED waiting tables! I was darn good at it, too! I got loads of tips (tipping isn't standard here, you have to give excellent service to earn a tip. Mind, excellent service isn't standard here!). If it paid more (enough to live comfortably on) I would do it full time in an instant! Maybe Im just weird......?!
yeah I've had sleepless nights but I've also had nights where I tell my husband "it's all you buddy" and hide under the covers.
I'm sure there are harder things out there and there are CERTAINLY people out there who have it harder than me.
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