Lately my husband has been having large amounts of anxiety whenever it comes to "performing" when he gets that big High or Peak reading on the monitor. He feels really pressured to make a baby and now that it's our 6th cycle, this has become more and more of a problem. Has anyone out their dealt with ED or anxiety and trying to make a baby? I'd love any suggestions on ways to help ease his mind. Everything I've done hasn't seemed to help.
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do you have to tell him which days you are getting the high/peak readings...maybe make it more spotanesous so he doesnt know that the pressure is on.
umm some other things, spice it up, try differnet things, maybe?
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I agree with @stargal. This was starting to happen with my husband a while ago, so I just started not telling him. He would ask and have like a suuuper general idea, but never know if/when I O'ed until after it happened.
I also second the trying new things idea =)
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@Stargal and @Dharmainitiative: I totally agree with both of you. Next month I'm not telling him, even though he thinks it will just make him anxious all the time; I don't think it will.
I'll also try the spicing things up part, but I'm just not so sure it's going to help at this point. He's somewhat depressed about it all.
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Mine was too. Have you thought about taking/having him take Maca root? It's very mild and has been used for hundreds of years for fertility. I think it just gives both of us that extra little push to keep going through it all. It definitely helped my husband.
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@Dharmainitiative: Hmm haven't heard of it. I'll have to look into it. At this point I'm willing to do anything. Thanks!
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@ambular1025:
No prob, good luck!
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I never told DH when I was specifically ovulating for this very reason. Hope keeping him a bit "in the dark" will help with his anxiety. Best of luck!
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We aren't TTC yet, but what about "hey honey, I'm ovulating!" a few days before you do.. then when you actually are he should be good to go?! That might help him with being anxious for the whole month if he knows you aren't going to tell him.
Good luck!
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@highwire: Thank you!
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We had this problem. It was a little more complicated for us because I have a condition where sex can be painful, and he would worry about hurting me. Add that with TTC, he had trouble with ED. For him, what helped was me not telling him that I wanted to have sex before I was ready. (No "do you want to do it after this movie?" or he'd psych himself out).
Ultimately, he got a scrip for viagra. He didn't use it that much, really, but it was enough to get his confidence back. He doesn't use it all now.
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Could you guys take a month off? Like you stop doing the monitor, and instead of focusing on sex to make a baby, just get back to making love for the sake of the connection?
I was TTC for 13 months and I know how hard it is when TTC is taking longer than you anticipated, but me and DH took breaks every few months where we took the focus on baby making, and actually one of those months was when we conceived our LO.
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I posted about this recently. The 6 month mark was also where I stopped telling DH when I got a positive OPK. Instead I kept it to myself and tried to initiate as 'naturally' as I would any other time of the month, vs. OMG MUST MAKE BABY NOW!!! Wearing something fun always helps
If you guys have scheduling issues like we do, the monitor is great cause I can give him like a 5-day head's up ('let's try this week'), but keep the OPK/peak days to myself. It helped A LOT this past time around. Good luck 
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@Jedeve: My DH has a viagra scrip but the research I've read says that using it can cause the sperm to work too fast and cause embryos to not make it. Did you use viagra while TTC and if so, did you have a positive outcome?
@Msmini: I've really thought about doing this. Perhaps we will try to do that next month and see what happens. I'm such a control freak that not temping or monitoring worries me, but I could do it if it would help him.
@Jojogirl: I want to try that. DH seems to not want to be in the dark, but I think if I give him that "window" it may help. Any sense of knowing it could be now that he needs to make it happen seems to stress him out. That's why maybe (even though it wouldn't be my first choice) I should take a month away from the monitor and just see what happens. We never have any problems BD'ing when it's not in our prime window. Like everyday absolutely no issue.
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@Adnama: I think this "trickery' could actually work. May have to implement it too next month!
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@ambular1025: Good luck!
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Wanted to send an update to all of you: we've been having a rough go of it this past week during ovulation, but last night things seemed to get much better. Today DH went in for his quarterly dr's appt (he has diabetes) and she did an entire physical exam on him to check for any issues. He has a clear bill of health, she put him on a low dose anxiety med, and reassured him that he's perfectly virile and that because of my long time on BCP it could take us awhile and to be patient. He's feeling so much better and so am I!
And to comment on the BCP comment, this is the second cycle for me (after 5 others off BCP) that appears to have a normal cycle length, and the first to have EWCM in forever, so I think things are looking up for us. I think one of the next few cycles may turn out positively!
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@ambular1025: that's great news!!! good luck guys!
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@Prettylizy: Thank you! It's been a hard week, so this was great news.
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@ambular1025: I'm SO happy to hear that - you must be so relieved!!!
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@jojogirl: I am TOTALLY relieved. She doesn't suspect he should have any semen issues, so we'll try a few more cycles before I freak out. It could just be the BCP. I had been working really hard to help relieve his anxiety, and made a lot of progress yesterday, but I think she reassured him a lot which really helped, and with this pill we shouldn't have an issue in the BD department going forward. Trying to fix peoples' mental state is a lot harder than it seems, lol.
No prob, good luck!
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