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It's really expensive here, you are right. I live in the east bay and I love it here but there's no getting around the cost. But it's pretty awesome here too!

I'll definitely meet up with you if you move!!

I live on the Peninsula with two young boys and, honestly, for all that you're looking for I would start looking at the Peninsula/South Bay towns and give up the idea of SF. SF isn't the most kid/family friendly town and the long commute for your husband would really affect your quality of life.

I am in love with the Los Gatos area. Also consider Mountain View/Los Altos. Most of the towns on the Peninsula have great public school options (in the right neighborhoods!) with great little communities. My little town even has its own Childrens Theater group. And my town has tons of little parks for kids, as do most towns in the area. Most towns have their own Mommy groups, but my mom friends are either old college friends or my neighbors. The Peninula/South Bay is a great place to raise a family (minus the cost of living... There's no sugar coating that... )

Honestly I would not personally live in SF and commute to Sunnyvale but we lived in Half Moon Bay for about a year while my DH worked in Mountain View and I worked in Palo Alto and it was killer (about a 2 hour commute per day). I loved living in HMB but I couldn't handle the commute. But thousands of people do it so it's doable.

There are some of the best school districts in the country in Palo Alto and Los Altos and Mountain View (I also believe Atherton has a really good one but I'm less familiar with it). I know that I was told to look for mom groups via the local hospital because they have tons. Plus I imagine there are some on Meetup.com? And SF is not so far from the Palo Alto/MV area that it's hard to go into the city for a nice dinner or to the zoo if you live on the peninsula.

If I could afford it I would live in Los Altos. They have great parks, great schools, they have a children's bookstore (it's been around for like 30 years) and a super cute downtown with a ton of children's activities (summer concerts, family movie nights, farmers market, art festivals, egg hunts, Halloween hunting downtown).

It all depends on what you want. Definitely look into seeing how much houses are going for here because it's crazy. And check out daycare prices (when I looked last year while I was pregnant it was $2500 for FT infant care, which is why I now SAH). There are a lot of jobs but it's crazy expensive. I don't love living here though so take what I say with a grain of salt. There are literally millions of people who live in this area so most people have got to like it more than I do!

I also feel that there is an attitude here that you're supposed to work super hard and that your salary and your apparent markers of wealth determine your worth. Palo Alto school district has the CDC investigating them because there have been so many suicides relating to the pressure cooker schools in the area.

http://www.newsweek.com/after-rash-teen-suicides-palo-alto-cdc-sends-team-investigate-427383

My husband can basically work at two locations in Northern California. One is here, the other is in Sacramento. I personally would prefer living in Sac but I will say that most of what I dislike about this area boils down to two things: the cost of living, and this general feeling of entitlement that I get from this area. I didn't answer sooner because I knew my post would be pretty negative. And I didn't want to totally taint your idea of this place. Literally millions live here so most people have to be pretty happy.

http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2013/07/11/cost-live-comfortably-bay-area/affordability-poverty

http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2015/03/09/you-need-to-earn-142000-dollars-to-buy-a-home-in-san-francisco

I'll end with a couple positive thoughts: I've never been in fear for my safety in this area (Los Altos, Mountain View or Stanford). Living here sort of gave my an existential crisis but made me see that all I really want out of life is a happy family, so I realized I don't need to travel the world or go on fancy vacations, or have two cars or own a home to live the life I want to be happy. This is a great area if you're into sports. The SF Giants, the 49ers, the Raiders, SJ Sharks, and the Oakland A's are all right here. Plus at Stanford there's the Bank of the West tennis tournament (I'm a tennis fan). Plus almost every musician stops in the Bay Area on tour.

The thing I would investigate most is just the cost of living. But I'm married to a teacher and I'm an archivist by trade so it's not like either of us ever expected to make bank. Sorry this is crazy long! I have a lot of issues with this area and I'm trying my best not to just go off. If you can afford it it's a wonderful place to live.

I have a friend that moved from Dallas to somewhere around Menlo Park (I honestly don't know where they ended up). He's working at FB.

Anyway, in Dallas they lived in a big house and they both had BMWs, and in SF, they are living with their baby in a 1 bedroom apartment. He makes really good money, too. Well, good by Dallas stardards. Not good by SF standards. Over 200k. Which gets you a 1 bedroom apartment apparently, haha!

I think I would have to be making millions to move there. My husband loves that area and has been headhunted a few times, but every time we run the numbers, it's just not feasible for us. And we live just outside Manhattan now, so it's not exactly cheap.

I just looked on zillow and there's not one 3 bedroom under a million dollars in Los Altos.

For everyone on this thread--just curious, where do "regular" people live in that area that still want decent schools for their kiddos?

Personally, there's no way I'd move to that area. I live outside Boston now, which is way better in COL than SF. And I still want to get away from this area. IDK what your DH does, but I'm assuming it's something in tech. Both DH and I work in tech and SF is not the only place in the country with jobs. Have you checked out the research triangle area of NC? Or Austin, TX?

I also think it's kind of crazy your DH didn't really talk this over with you before applying .

@Anagram: basically from my experience you either inherit a home, come from money or have two spouses who make a ton. My husband and I live on his teacher salary in a 1 bedroom. Even people who bought houses 5-10 years ago don't believe me when I tell them how crazy the market is right now. Like they literally don't believe me.

And I would expect to pay at least 1.5mil for any house anywhere on the peninsula and up into SF (I'm less familiar with east and north bay prices). If possible I'd budget for around 2mil and that will give a person more reasonable options.

From what I've learned living here you just have to change your life expectations. Living here I'll never own a home or have more than two bedrooms, I'll never be able to go on fancy vacations, or send my kids to private schools or sign them up for lessons. I'm totally fine with that and the other people I know in similar circumstances feel the same. Most teachers I know who live in a house are either married to someone who makes over 200k per year or they bought a manufactured home and live in a mobile home park. And honestly, the four star parks on the peninsula are really nice (nicer than apartment complexes because they're full of regular people in it for the long haul, plus they have all the amenities of a complex). I just can't even afford that because you have to buy the home (350-450,000) and then pay rent on your space. And the owners of the parks are trying to close all the mobile home parks because some of that land sells for over 1mil/acre.

If anyone ever goes to HMB the mobile home park right off of 92 is mostly populated with people who own BMWs, Ranger Rovers and Mercedes. That's just how expensive it is right now. So you adjust your expectations.

Plenty of single parents actually rent rooms and garages and in-law units to get their kids in good school districts.

But I'm coming at this from a negative perspective so I'm sorry to be a downer! And sorry for thread jacking and going off on a tangent! Again, I do still live here and I'm okay with potentially raising my kids here in these circumstances because my husband loves his job and we are able to afford rent and bills and food. It is a nice area, it's just crazy expensive.

The last thing is check out Below Market Rate housing programs in several cities. You may be surprised at how high your salary can be and still apply.

I'm happy to share my experiences and opinions when I'm not on my phone. But as everyone says, it's super expensive. I just wanted to add that I've been commuting on Caltrain from Palo Alto to SF for about 6 years, and I'm so over it. It's gotten super crowded and Caltrain is trying their best, but the stress of the commute is really starting to grate on me. Commuting is one of the major stressors that can affect quality of life, so I'm ready to take a lower-paying job closer to home.

@irene: I'm curious what company it is! It's not a great time to buy now, and renting would be a great way to see if you like an area. A commute from SF to SV every day might get rough. And it just keeps getting worse. I would avoid a commute if you could. Look into Cupertino, super close to SV, great schools, etc...you get what you pay for.