Hellobee Boards

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I know what it's like ... I think everyone's journey is so personal, and it's so hard to explain the feelings after loss.

Here's what happened with us: After months of trying, we got pregnant for the first time. I had a miscarriage during the first trimester. It was shocking, isolating, and because m/c is such a taboo in our culture, we had to wade through it (relatively) alone. I remember feeling like the process (m/c) would never end. Physically, financially, emotionally ...

Then, we started trying again. For months and months, we were unable to get pregnant, and I was feeling so down. Of course, I didn't want to fixate on it, but I was charting and counting down each day before I could test again. Finally, my husband suggested we pick our test date each month, and plan an awesome date. We'd either be celebrating a pregnancy, or drowning our sorrows and taking a cab home.

It helped me not lose sight of the bigger picture. We were trying to have a baby for us ... for our family. These date nights were something to look forward to, and I knew I'd have at least one person to share my feelings with.

Eventually, I got pregnant again, and I now have a baby girl. I can look back at our TTC and m/c with both positive and negative thoughts. On the positive side, I learned a lot about TTC and my specific cycle. My partner and I became a lot closer. On the negative side, it was really emotionally taxing, and honestly, I was worried during my entire pregnancy that something would go wrong.

In the end, eventually getting pregnant gave me hope. I'm terrified to try for another baby, because I know how hard the process was the first time. BUT, I can look at it with more hopeful eyes now.

Thinking of you! You know you'll put your heart and soul into this, because you're meant to be a mama. It WILL happen.

So....my infertility was a bit different, but still classified as 'infertility'.... I could get pregnant, but I couldn't get them to stick, so I had recurring loss. I went through a barrage of testing, and it just felt like "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". For me, I just knew that eventually something good would come, and that it would happen eventually. With a lot of anxiety, sure, but one way or another (having my own baby, adopting, whatever), it would happen. In the meantime, I just focused on myself. I finished my masters (which i was in the progress of doing), I took care of my health, and generally tried to enjoy the little things. I hung out with friends more often. I know it is easier said than done, though. I started doing Crossfit right before I got pregnant again, and it was great to start something new and challenging and focus on THAT. So, anyways. My third pregnancy stuck and now I'm pregnant with my second. But...it's been a few years now. The landscape will be so much different in 5 years. Maybe not what you expect right now, Everyone has big burdens they carry in life; things that change them. I figure this was mine. And maybe that's a weird way of looking at things, but that was my perspective.

I haven't had a successful pregnancy yet, but I have experienced a mc and a cp. I'll be honest that right now I'm struggling with our situation, but I have been trying to think of every day as bringing us one step closer to our baby.

*hugs* I'm sorry you're having a tough time

I had two back to back fets that both failed in chemical pregnancies. It was devastating (and no where near what you have gone through). One thing I did was work really hard to find a doctor that I trusted. This meant that I needed to meet a lot of doctors and I did a lot of testing. In my heart I felt like I had an autoimmune issue and I threw myself into testing for that.

We made some decisions and are now 9 weeks pregnant. I have been terrified at every appointment. Convinced that something was going to be wrong. It is still very very hard but as others have said I have to trust the process. Nothing has gone wrong yet and if it will go wrong I can't do anything about it.

Great thread! Thanks for posting this. I needed to read these tonight, and it sounds like they've brought you some comfort as well. Stay strong!