Anyone else completely disagree with your SO on names?

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Anyone else completely disagree with your SO on names?

By Panda Nov 26, 2011

We're not TTC yet, but I have a weird obsession with names and I like to talk about what we'll name our future kids. Turns out, he's dead set on a boy's name (first name he just likes, middle name is a family tradition) that I absolutely hate. He says he really doesn't want to back down on it and will let me name any other kids we have. I would rather we agree on all the names rather than have one kid whose name he loves but I hate, and the rest of the names I love but he hates (he tends to hate my choices, ha). But our first son will either have the name he likes or he won't, so either way one of us will "lose" and I feel like it will just end in resentment.

Normally he's very willing to compromise, so I was surprised, but he said the name is just important to him. Anyone else have this problem, and what did you do about it?

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14 comments

Stosbet
pea / 19 posts

Nov 26, 2011

My fiance has a family name.. he is the third. He insists that we will continue to have kids until we have a son and that son will be the 4th. I don't hate his family name but I dislike that I get no choice in the matter. He has been pressured by his family about this his whole life and now they even pressure me.. so it is pretty much set in stone regardless of what I want.

What I dislike about the name the most is that not only is it the same as his dad's and grandfather's, it is also the name of my father, maternal grandfather, and paternal step-grandfather. I feel like I have too many of his name in my life and it already gets confusing trying to figure out who someone is talking about when they say that name so I don't feel like we need to throw another one into the mix.
sorrycharlie
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts

Nov 26, 2011

you read my mind! I was just wondering this last night, and figured everyone else must have some compromise so I was probably the only one. we are still TTC too, but for whatever reason DH is SET on names. I think he forgets who is going to push this child out..

I'm so afraid, like you, that one of us is going to "lose" and resent the name. we're both so competitive that I feel like without meaning to its turning into a competition.

as a side note..DH favorite girl's name is Addison. My name is Alison. It sounds like my name with a lisp when said together! No way. I love the name on its own, but not when it'll be paired with mine often enough.
cyndistar3
pomegranate / 3980 posts

Nov 26, 2011

Maybe you will have a girl When I chosing names for the first child we could not decide on a boys name at all! We were able to agree on a girls name though, and we had a girl. This time we already have a boys name picked out (even though I don't really like the middle name) but we have no idea what we would name a second girl. I am hoping we have a boy!
heffalump
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

Nov 26, 2011

Ummmm... that's not fair at all! He doesn't just get to call dibs on the first baby's name. Especially if there's no special meaning, it's just because he likes it. It's both you baby, you make it together you name it together.
Panda
pea / 23 posts

Nov 26, 2011

@Stosbet: & @sorrycharlie:
Oh, both of those would be really difficult too. At least I feel less alone... but it still sucks for us

@cyndistar3: Lol, I told him that if he wants that name, then I will just make sure to only give him girls so I'll get to name them all. Too bad I have to way to enforce that We want several kids so chances are we'll have a boy at some point.

@artbee: That's my opinion too. I'd rather all our kids have names we both like, even if none of them get his favorite OR my favorites, because we decide together. But he thinks it's more than fair for him to name one child if I get to name the rest, since we know we want several kids. I just don't want to have the one son whose name I hate

Oh, and to add to this whole mess, this past summer one of his friends (they used to be really good friends, but have grown apart a little) had a son, and they named him almost exactly the name SO wants, plus a couple letters. The baby was born at 5 months and only lived for a little over a week. I would feel awful naming a child something so similar but SO says it will be so far in the future it won't matter.
tequiero21
honeydew / 7968 posts

Nov 26, 2011

ugh. i hear you. i'm pregnant. and we haven't even started to pick out names. but any name i like, he hates. i like nice, not too common, but not too weird names. he likes strictly traditional names. not sure what we're going to do. i was thinking i may compromise and he can pick the boy's, i'll pick the girl's. (i'm having 2).
Mrs. Pickle
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts

Nov 26, 2011

My husband I completely disagree on every name we come up with. I think we will have a hard time naming our children. My stepmom tells me to pick the name and put it on the birth certificate without consulting him since I am the one doing the work.
Rubies
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts

Nov 26, 2011

We didn't completely disagree but he ultimately won the naming war because of how important it was to him. C'est la vie!
saraja87
apple seed / 1 posts

Nov 26, 2011

DH and I talk about names all the time even though we're still a few years off from TTC. Our tastes tend to be opposite but I'm sure we'll be able to meet in the middle. I do have a name I'm fairly set on though, I am particularly attached to my grandfather's name and hope to use it if we one day have a boy. DH isn't 100% on the name but over the years he's softened since it's so important to me. I have a middle name I love as well, but DH isn't sold on it so I'm open to changing it.
MrsApricot
coffee bean / 40 posts

Nov 27, 2011

IMO, both spouses need "Veto" power. For example, there are a couple names I like that DH is kind of "Meh" about, but doesn't hate, so they are still 'on the table' for any children we may have. But there are also a couple names I like that DH HATES. Therefore, even though I like them, they are no longer in the running since he's vetoed them. Neither parent should be forced into naming their child a name they don't like.
bushelandapeck
pomelo / 5720 posts

Nov 27, 2011

@Stosbet: This is exactly our situation. My DH is the 3rd and insists on naming a son the same. I don't hate his name, but I don't like the nicknames used by family members and how confusing it gets when he and his dad are in the same place. I have agreed to it because it is very important to him but we are compromising in that we will use either the full name or a different nickname than what he and his dad go by.
mediagirl
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

Nov 27, 2011

Our problem is he likes long names that you can make nicknames out of. I like names you cannot make nicknames out of. I feel like if you are naming your child something, you should call them that something. He, on the other hand, loves names that are longer that we can shorten and just call the child that. I think that breeds confusion and annoyances in school, always having to correct the teacher!
Stosbet
pea / 19 posts

Nov 27, 2011

@Orvis18: My problem is his name is Thomas. I really dislike the name Thomas (no offense to anyone who loves it). But my FI is Tommy, as is my dad, My grandfather and his dad are both Tom.. so I suggested, that once we have a son, we could call him T. J. which is his first and middle initial and FI was totally against it because that is apparently what people used to call his big sister.

I'm not a fan of the middle name either. =/
Mrs. D
pear / 1852 posts

Nov 27, 2011

We compromised on our boys name, but won't be using it this time around, since we're having a girl. Before we got married we talked about what we'd name our kids, and he confessed he'd always wanted to name his first son after his grandfather. I did NOT like the name, at least not as a whole. Our compromise? To name our son after his grandfather AND mine. First name is my grandfathers middle name, and middle name is his grandfathers first name.