We are adding #3, unplanned. I'm still having a hard time accepting this pregnancy and i'm 20 weeks. I am also one who never really connects with the baby until they are in my arms...so I'm really hoping that once the baby is here I will feel differently. I'm just so sad and can't imagine the cost and time and energy that another one will take. Did anyone ever have a hard time but feel better once baby was here? Or not feel better?
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Oh wow that's really tough! I truly hope things turnaround when your beautiful baby gets here.
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My best friend had 3, and she used to tell me all the way up until the very end that she was not ready for #3 at all and she was crazy for thinking she could have another...fast forward 4 months and they are all doing very well and baby #3 is a total sweetheart - all sleepy sweetness and smiles and she tells me she is seriously enjoying this one's babyhood the most. Like you said, once baby #3 arrives you'll get into the swing of things too.
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Yes. Neither of ours were exactly planned. I was startled by the timing both times but I'm very happy now. Also know that you are allowed to feel however you need to. It is hard to raise children. If you allow yourself to do a little grieving now for the changes that you weren't planning on then when baby comes you will be more ready to move forward in love.
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My best friend had an unplanned 3rd pregnancy and had a very difficult time during pregnancy accepting that she was having another baby. She also then felt guilty for feeling that. Once her baby came her feelings changed and she now says (her son is 2) that she can never imagine her life without him. To her what is meant to be is meant to be. They made adjustments to being a family of 5 and is extremely happy.
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This pregnancy, my 3rd was very unplanned and TBH, I was not sure if I was really wanting a 3rd. In fact, day before I found out I was pregnant, DH was set on being done with 2. He did not take my pregnancy news well and it was a very difficult week. He made some comments that were disturbing and TBH, I am still processing my feelings on that. We are all very happy now but it was a really rough time at first. Hang in there!
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Thank you all. I know it sounds horrible and I hate feeling this way but I do and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that everything will be ok I still continue feeling sad. Of course I adore and cherish my kiddos and I'm sure my life won't be the same without this one in it- but at the current moment I'm having a hard time feeling ok.
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I was nervous for #2 for awhile but he's two months and I think I could imagine for the first time a third! I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.
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@sampron: I'm sorry it's hard for you. It doesn't sound horrible at all. Just very real. I'm sure it'll turn around once your baby is in your arms. Until then, much love!!
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Not my experience, but my parents. I am one of 3. The youngest wasn't planned, but a third had been discussed. My parents say that they were unsure of how they were possibly going to manage 3, or afford a family of 5. 22 years later, and they still talk about how glad and grateful they are that they have the family they do.
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@artsyfartsy: Thank you so much for not thinking it's so horrible, even though I feel so bad.
@LindsayLou: Thank you for telling me that. I really hope that happens to me as well. I'm just stuck in such a hard time right now and while I know that I will be grateful for this baby I just can't adjust to the idea currently. My pg is going so fast and I'm anxious for baby to get here - I'm also not. We have no bedroom for the baby, no place for a dresser or anything. We will be moving across the Pacific ocean and all the way to East US when baby is only a few months old. Sounds so overwhelming to me. -
A cousin got pregnant with her third, unplanned. They didn't want him. But now, he's her favorite lol.
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@tequiero21: thanks
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Anyone else?
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Well, I'm pregnant with LO2 and while we wanted 2, we got pregnant totally unexpectedly. We found out right after DS turned 1 (meaning they'll be just 20 months apart) and I had literally JUST returned to work after taking a whole year off. I had to announce like a month after returning to work! And our families are not excited about us having another baby so soon either, so we're dealing with a lukewarm response all around.
While we've accepted this is happening, its super overwhelming. DS has to start daycare in January after my mom abruptly quit as our nanny, my job is going to get crazy in January and February, DH is crazy busy with work too, so I feel like we're barely going to be holding it together over here before adding another baby to the mix in May! I'm feeling really overwhelmed as to how we're going to manage everything.
I'm sure we will figure it out eventually and that we'll love this baby when they get here, but I'm almost 18 weeks at this point and I've barely been able to THINK about this baby other than "OMG you are making me so sick and tired and I have so much to do ugh I hate being pregnant." I feel really bad about that. Hugs lady, we can do it!
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@sampron: my third was very, very unplanned. We planned on having a third, but 3 years down the road. I had just gotten in great shape, we planned on going on a couple kid free vacations, I was going to have the time to put more energy and hours into my business, and we only live in a 1200 sqft house!
I found out I was pregnant again when my second was 14 months old. I was dumbfounded. Completely shocked, sad, traumatized, bitter. I cried and cried for weems, and we didn't tell family until well into the second trimester because I just wasn't ready to talk about it.
I went through most of my pregnancy wishing I wasn't pregnant. I had no idea how I would be able to keep working with my husband's crazy schedule and 3 kids close in age. I ended up having a pretty traumatic delivery so, I didn't have that magical bonding moment I was couting on. So that filled me with pessimism and fear that maybe I wouldn't ever connect with this surprise baby.
HOWEVER, she is now 3 months old and our family feels so complete. It feels like she was always destined to be with us--and not in 3 years, but now. 3 years from now it wouldn't be her! She isn't an easy baby, and we've had a rough start, but I had no idea my heart would grow so much once she joined our family. She is so perfect in every way and I am eternally grateful that this surprise came on our way.
So, no. I don't regret it. Sure, life has a few more hoops to jump through now and getting out of the house takes a bit longer, but I already can't imagine living this life without her.
Hang in there. You WILL bond with your baby. And you will love him or her more than you ever though possible! Logistics of life might change, but it's only for a season. It's such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of life. Things will go back to feeling easy and peaceful and "normal" again and you will love your family of 5!
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@gingerbebe: Thanks! And this is exactly how I am. My belly is starting to get big and get in the way of doing things. My husband is leaving for 2 months soon..I"m just so overwhelmed. Thankfully I'm not sick anymore but it was terrible in the 1st trimester. Good luck to you as well.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: I so hope that I will feel the same way. This is so incredibly hard because my kiddos are MY life. Seriously. I'm a good mom- although I don't feel like it now because of my feelings towards this baby. And there is that part of me that is SO scared that once he/she arrives that I won't feel the same towards the baby as I do my other 2. I don't want that...I don't think I would be able to go on if I continued to feel resentment.
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We were very much trying for #2 (had a miscarriage, continued trying). I'm 13 weeks with #2, and worry constantly about wanting it to be a healthy pregnancy, YET often I'm not sure we are ready for this. I feel so at wits end with one often, it's hard to imagine another person needing me. I worry about the strength of my marriage, money, my time and energy, etc. it's more of a long term game plan. "This is going to suck in a lot of ways, but muscle through the tough years and we will have a complete family and I never have to do pregnancy/infant again!"
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: your response makes me feel better about myself. I have had issues accepting this pregnancy as well. It is awful to say but I was ready to head in a different direction, just started working again, etc.
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@BandDmommy: same with me. Potty trained kiddos, one in school full time and other one starting pre-k next year. And then moving next summer very far away, no family to help and my husband leaving for a couple of months. Bad timing all around
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Anyone else?
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@sampron: I do know someone who regrets adding to their family – BUT her situation is unique and really all about the woman and her personality, rather than the child. A former very close friend of my mom tried for over a decade to adopt and finally got the much sought-after and much-wanted newborn girl she wanted. Needless to say, parenting isn’t the total love fest she thought it would be, and her daughter is not “grateful”, which she assumed all children would be (she’s a little insane, generally, and a total narcissist, hence why she and my mom are no longer friends). Now that baby is an adult, and mom and daughter have no real relationship. The woman has said many times and is open that she regrets ever having a child. It’s very sad, and I feel so badly for her daughter.
I’m sure there are other people who regret adding to their family, to lesser, less damaging-to-the-kids degrees. When LO was first born, I had regrets too. But those pass, and I’m sure your fears and resistance will pass too and you'll love this one just as fiercely as you love your others. It’s hard sometimes to just have to accept such life changing events and that’s ok.
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