I am not good at forgiving people....I have always taken things to heart...my in laws came when I have birth to dd and stayed for 2 months and were super mean to me and my baby... and I was on verge of PPD, though now when we talk on phone they are nice and are excited to meet dd after 8 months but I am not able to forgive them but at same time dont want to ruin our trip...how do you cope with such situations
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I'm good at forgiving people who have very directly wronged me. I can easily be like "Whatever" to someone like that and not harbour any ill-will.
I have trouble forgiving people who are two-faced... like family who wrong me but then are still my family... Those people I tend to vent to my DH about a lot instead of getting over it.
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I'm not forgiving. I will dislike you pretty much forever.
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I have a hard time forgiving once I've crossed a certain threshold. It takes a lot to upset me, I let most things go. But once I've hit my limit it's very hard for me to go back.
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I am generally very forgiving, but I think you can be forgiving and still recognize the need for clear boundaries and expect different treatment. I did not have a good experience with my FIL in their visit immediately postpartum, and although I forgive him, I would never allow him to visit as soon as he did after our first was born and I would be much more assertive about what I was okay with and what I wasn't!
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Yes. Someone has to really do something despicable or prove that they just aren't a very good person for me to completely blank them.
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I'm actually really opposed to the notion of 'forgiveness' as it's glorified these days. If someone has wronged me significantly, I don't just let it go. I try to move on with my life, but the anger remains, and that's ok. I think the societal pressure to basically let people off the hook is really misguided and honestly hurtful. It puts a very unfair burden on people who have been hurt to basically just get over it. If someone close to me wronged me terribly, and they wanted to try to make amends, I'd do my best to move on. But that's it.
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I'm sorry. That sounds really tough. They stayed for two months??
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I don't forgive because it can become easy to forget. Instead I try to overcome of they are making an strides too. It is about regaining footing in a relationship for me. I don't take trust lightly, so once broken it never quite goes all back together. There will always be a crack, but perhaps together me and the other person can mend it some.
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I forgive people who are apologetic. I don't just forgive people who are assholes on the regular, though. I give benefit of the doubt once or twice, then it's "shame on me"
For a situation like this, I'd have clear boundaries. They stay in a hotel, can't disrupt naps or bedtime. Not going to revamp our lives for them
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Nope. I never forget either.
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@jedeve: yes they stayed for 2 months. .treated it like a vacation. ...constantly commented on how tiny my baby was..I had a big fibroid but made me felt like I was one responsible for her being tiny forced me to supplement her...my supply tanked and she went on nursing strike. ..she is going to be our only baby probably. .that's why I am unable to forgive them.
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2 months!? Holy shit. No way.
I can be forgiving depending on the circumstances and the sincerity of the persons apology.
I do like to think I can be pretty laid back but certain things I will not tolerate or forgive.
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I'm the same. I always hold grudges. Had a tiff with SIL and she called me oversensitive when I thought I was trying to stand up for myself and tell her how I felt. That was 2 weeks ago, up to now I still feel upset.
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With in-laws this is much easier. I care more more about how they treat DH than how they treat me. I don't really take it personal if they say/do something that bothers me.
In general if I feel like someone truly feels bad for how they treated me then I can totally forgive. I know how it feels to make a mistake and regret an action, so I have empathy for these situations.
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