Besides the initial difficult adjustment period (which I guess could go into toddlerhood depending on the child!) are you happier for having a second?
We will have one more, if things go well, but I'm happy these days as a family of three and wondering if that'll change with the demands of 2!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
Yes!!!
It took a little while but after the first 4 months I was happier. then after she started STTN at 8 months, I was MUCH happier. Now (she's 1 and Wagon Jr. is 3.5) I'm so, so, so, so, so happy. I've never been this happy in all my life!
pomelo / 5178 posts
For me, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. I don't know if happiness is the right term for it, but I certainly feel more fulfilled with two kids, than I did with just one.
honeydew / 7488 posts
@Honeybee: I completely agree! For us it's been so much richer with two, but so much more stressful. Some days I look at DH and say.. I can't believe I ever complained about anything when I just had one. This is so much harder! But I also can't imagine life without DS!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I agree with everything @Honeybee: said. I feel so much more fulfilled!! My 2nd one was an "easy baby" though, so it made the adjustment easier than I expected... and his older sister loves to entertain him, so I already see the benefits of me not having to be the entertainer all the time!
pomelo / 5178 posts
@T-Mom: @Mrs. High Heels: I was happy before having kids, but I think my happiness now is a much deeper, purposeful form of happiness. I don't know if it's more or less, but it's definitely more personally fulfilling.
honeydew / 7488 posts
@Mrs. High Heels: My DS was an easy baby too, and DD is a great older sister. They are starting to fight though. There's a lot of whining these days from both of them. Usually when they are unsupervised when I'm getting ready for work.
honeydew / 7968 posts
Don't know what it's like with only one, but I'm so happy with my 2!!! It's definitely hard, but can't imagine life without either one.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@T-Mom: I'm not there yet since DS is only 5 months, but I did hear from mom's of 2 that the fighting drives them up the wall. I haaaaate whining, even now when DD whines I make her ask me again in a normal voice or I mimic her whining so she knows how she sounds because I can't stand it - they're worse than tantrums!!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@T-Mom: @Mrs. High Heels: I'm worried about the fights, too!! I grew up fighting like dogs with my older brother and my parents hated it. I hate whining too... I have a zero-tolerance policy for whining, so I really have no idea how I will deal with it when it's TWO whiners who are not only whining about each other but also yelling at each other.
honeydew / 7488 posts
@Mrs. High Heels: @mrs. wagon: all I have to say is. Prepare yourself mentally. I'm in the thick of it right now, so I have no advice whatsoever. My DD is having multiple meltdowns a day and she is almost FIVE (this is a new development). DS is thankfully completely clueless at almost 2. He just likes to steal her food and toys. I have a bunch of parenting books in my amazon cart. God help us all! 
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@mrs. wagon: my sister and I fought like cats - rawwrrr!... scratching each other (i still have scars), slapping, pulling hair, slamming doors... it was crazy! good thing we're close now, but can't imagine the things we put our parents through!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@T-Mom: if you read any books that are useful please let me know! once you're out of the trenches maybe you can write a guest post about it
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@T-Mom: @Mrs. High Heels: uh yes please, some book reviews would be great!! and @Mrs. High Heels, Wagon Sr. and his brother (15 months apart) would regularly get into fistfights... then get beat by their dad for fighting with each other. Haha.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@T-Mom: you have to live to tell the tale! Do it for us all!! 
We'll send you e-chocolates and e-wine!!
pomelo / 5178 posts
@T-Mom: the double whining and double tantrums kill me! And DS wants to do everything his big sister is doing, so when she stafrts throwing a tantrum he likes to throw himself on the ground and start screaming too. Both adorable and frustrating, lol.
ETA: I really liked Siblings Without Rivalry. It's by the same authors of How To Talk so Your Kids Will Listen. I think it has helped a lot with the fighting, but DS is fully in the toddler hitting/hair pulling/tackling phase which makes things more difficult.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@mrs. wagon: hahaha awesome! i always thought the reason my sister and i fought sooo much was because we were so close in age (19 months apart), so i never felt like she respected me as an older sister since we were more like peers than older/younger and had some of the same friends. there's a definite distinction now though.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@T-Mom: @Honeybee: I just realized we all have the older sister/younger brother combo! Ah, the things I get to look forward to...
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@Honeybee: I have Siblings Without Rivalry - time to dust it off and get some reading done.
honeydew / 7488 posts
@mrs. wagon: Haha ok I will give it my best shot!!
@Honeybee: Ooh thanks for the recommendation! I never finished How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen... add that to my list of unfinished books..
@Mrs. High Heels: I actually feel big sister/little brother is an awesome combo. It just involves a lot of drama, apparently.
Is it terrible that I feel like I need some therapy to help me through this stressful time? It's one thing on how to discipline your kids, but it's another on how to discipline yourself on how to parent through it as gracefully as possible. Totally failing right now.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@tequiero21: so sweet!! We need to meet up again. Let's email chat!
I love seeing the sisters together and they can't fight yet!!!!!! I know this is the easy part. They seriously light up each other's lives already. The baby can be cranky all day with me, big sis comes home, BAM - smiles and giggles. I hope that they can always count on each other like that. Ok, maybe I am thinking a little too far ahead.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@T-Mom: grace... grace is the big word. I feel like I get through most days just fine, but when I look back on myself and the way I handle myself, I totally fail at being graceful about things. It makes me an ugly person and a mean mommy 
I think therapy would be a great thing!!!
Oh, and when big sib can make little sib laugh and smile without you even lifting a finger?? best thing ever??? sometimes when LMW is crying WJ runs over and says "it's ok, I'm here, I'm here" and I just DIE.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@Andrea: that second paragraph above was directed at you!
pomelo / 5178 posts
@T-Mom: I had a really rough patch with DD a while back. Things have improved dramatically, but if you ever need someone to commiserate with... I've also decided to start to doing more things for myself to help destress from being with the kids. Luckily DH is very understanding and supportive because I have been going without breaks for too long!
honeydew / 7488 posts
@Honeybee: you are too sweet! Yes I will definitely be hitting you up for some commiseration . I did some "retail" therapy a while back for "me" time but not suprisngly, it's not sufficient since my budget is now out of whack. I'm thinking I need to put more energy into self care on a regular basis, not just when I have a wedding to go to, etc.
@mrs. wagon: ugly person and mean mommy.. that's exactly how I feel. I'm definitely going to look into the therapy to just be a healthier, more balanced person overall. Thank you for your support!
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@mrs. wagon: soooo cute!!! yeah I seriously die when big sis runs over and says "it's ok, baby!" And she was the first to make the baby laugh! Hey, I am funny, too!!!!!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@T-Mom: We ALL have our days - it's important to recognize it in ourselves and that self-awareness goes a loooong way so you're already 10 steps ahead! There is not one of us that doesn't "fail" at this parenting thing, but yes, grace goes a looong way.... to them and to ourselves. I am a proponent of therapy so if it will help relieve some of the stress then definitely go for it!!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I love having 2 so much it hurts. 
Seeing my kids laugh and play together is the best thing ever.
pomelo / 5178 posts
@T-Mom: I decided to sign up for an ASL class this fall. It's something I've been wanting to do but just haven't had the time for. I'm also looking to go back to work part-time. A little sooner than we had originally planned but I think it will be nice to focus on my career for a few hours a week.
honeydew / 7488 posts
@googly-eyes: I just wanted to add that I didn't mean to threadjack.. or scare you or any other moms away from having 2+. It's not a walk in the park, but it's really rewarding. I've shared my PPD story, and as a lifelong perfectionist, it will be continue to be my challenge to balance the demands of life/work/kids with my own desire for control and being the calm, cool, and collected mom I want to be. Please don't be discouraged by any of this!
bananas / 9227 posts
I just want to say how much I love all the comments on this thread! All the honesty paints a clearer picture for me. Thanks!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I think the fun times are barrels full of fun. In those times I can't imagine life withou my two little loves. We just came out of a fighting phase and now they are getting along really sweetly. I just wish the tough times were a little easier.
There are so many mama traps: comparison, bribing, giving attention to one when the other needs it right then too. I feel like parenting the two really ups the amount of brain power to check and double check mom's actions!
@Mrs. High Heels: I still have crazy scars from the brutal fights too. As the oldest I was never allowed to lash out an wasn't allowed to fight back, so I'm peppered with claw mark scars, sadly. I actually don't look too fondly at them.
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
@mrs. wagon: @Honeybee: @T-Mom: @Mrs. High Heels: @tequiero21: @Andrea: Thanks for all the comments!! It is not discouraging. I guess as a ppd sufferer this time around I'm sort of bracing for the worst with baby 2 but still optimistic in hoping the next baby will be less fussy, or hoping I'll handle it better. I guess my biggest fear is that dh and I won't have any time together at all. Dd is a crappy napper but sttn right now so we have some evening time together. I have worked with young children and I know the baby stage is by far the hardest for me... but I want dd to have a sib and I know I will love having CHILDREN growing up together..even though I'm going to definitely struggle with the beginning... Anyway thank you all for your honesty!
bananas / 9227 posts
Bumping this. I've heard the term Perimenopause for the first time and it jump started my thoughts about another (even though we were pretty sure about only having one)!
bananas / 9118 posts
This may be one of the most helpful threads I've seen so far! It definitely gives a good dose of reality, but also insight on a lot of happiness.
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