Just curious... and of course don't feel obligated to answer if you feel uncomfortable! Wondering how many of us out there are currently (or will definitely be, in the future) taking care of our aging parents and/or in-laws in any of the following ways.
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We aren't at a point where we need to do any of the above with our parents yet, but I know that when the time comes for either my folks or DH's, we will step up to try and help/do what we can. We are very close in proximity to DH's parents (like, a mile!) so I do think we will be a big part in asssisting them years down the road.
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My FIL will live with us in the future! We will probably help him with some bills.
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Our parents are still working and financially stable. I can't envision us ever being more stable than either set of parents, so I sure hope they don't rely on us! (because we have no $$$...)
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My parents are welcome to live with us.
FIL probably won't because 1. he's loaded and 2. he most likely won't be around when we're in a position to help (he's 86.)
MIL is not welcome. She is very negative and entitled and would be a terrible influence on our LOs. -
I worry about my IL's because they have NO savings.
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We don't do anything now, but our parents are all between 49-55 so they aren't seniors yet. My mom has a lot of money and we will not need to support her. My dad may need support.... so we would do what we had to. ILs should be okay, they have good jobs but suck at saving. So we will see where they end up during retirement. We will help out where needed.
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Probably not-- I know none of our parents plan on needing help, but of course, things happen so i wouldn't say never. But, we live far away from all of them, so I don't see them ever moving in with us.
I'm one of 5 kids and 3 of them live within an hour of my parents, so I think one of them would have to do more actual physical helping, but I'd contribute financially if it came down to it. -
I know with my mother in law we won't have to take care of her financially. She has saved up more than enough money to provide for herself for the rest of her life. It might get to the point where one day where one of her kids helps her budget and pay her bills like she does for her mother now.
As for my parent, I'm not sure. They're still so young (my mom is 42) that I can't imagine them needing my assistance yet. If they do, I will take care of them.
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changed/added some poll options to catch those of us who are not sure or won't be helping out!
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I'm willing to help in other ways besides financially. I will drive them to doctor's appointments, help around the house, give emotional support, etc. But I do not plan on helping financially since they have had more than enough time and resources to prepare for this and if they choose to continue to make poor financial choices, I do not feel responsible for picking up the slack.
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My parents are definitely set. I worry about my MIL because she makes poor decisions and lives outside of her means. DH is totally fine with helping her financially but I really think that she should have been more responsible and I would NEVER expect my LO to help me financially.
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Not sure... My parents are young but I know they don't have much saved up.
I would help if we could but at this point in our lives it's hard enough caring for ourselves
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My parents are very financially stable and I would be shocked if something were to happen to change that. My MIL is not quite as well off but is comfortable and recently retired and thinks she'll be fine on her pension and SS. If she were to have a medical crisis we might have to help her out though.
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We probably will not have to make major financial contributions to anyone. My ILs ae both, sadly, deceased and my parents have savings, 401K, pension and SS to fall back on when they retire.
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Thankfully, my parents don't need my help, and I don't think my IL's do either.
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Dh's parents are retired and have more in savings/investments than we probably ever will. They won't need our help in the future.
My parents are good too and won't need our help either. -
I will help them in any way possible that does NOT involve money. They have already asked to borrow money, and it did not go over well with me. My own parents are financially stable but my ILs are not, and I really don't know how things will work out in the next several years.
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Once we are in a position to, we will likely be sending MIL a minimal monthly check (like $100-150). She is a widow, has only an elementary school education, and makes her living raising chickens and other small animals. She lives in Ecuador, so cost of living is much lower for her. She is a sweet woman, never asks for anything even though she sometimes struggles, and I honestly don't mind helping her out each month.
What does bother me is how DH's siblings expect us to help them out, too. They think that since he moved to the US he is automatically rolling in dough, and weekly he will get an email asking for money for things like new televisions, cell phones, car repairs, etc. This honestly really pisses me off and I have no intention of ever handing out money like that when asked. I realize that it is a cultural thing, but I still find it RUDE and off-putting. Luckily DH is on the same page as me.
As far as my parents go, I know that they have worked hard to save for retirement. I am more than willing to pitch in though, if it turns out that they are short. They have done so much for my brothers and I, as well as for DH and I, that it is the least I can do to thank them!
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We aren't, and probably won't be. My parents still help us out sometimes. They could comfortably retire now, and my mom will retire within the next few months, but my dad will keep working few a few more years. They'll be fine and they'll have plenty of money for emergencies, nursing homes, etc. if they need it.
My in laws will also have enough money for themselves.
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We give MIL a monthly check despite the fact that shes working, owns a home and nicer clothes and car than I do.
Bitter much?
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@travelingbrit: I would not be cool with that. My MIL has hinted that she expects us to do that, but I put my foot down.
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@travelingbrit: I don't think you are bitter. That would bother me too.
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@travelingbrit: Yeah, up until last month we were paying DH's grandmother's car insurance.... even though she pays for 3 other cars already. DH told her we would without asking me.
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@MediaNaranja: I've heard this happen to coworkers who have family in India. A coworker said that her MIL came with a shopping list of big ticket items that they "needed" back in India like iPads & other electronics. Yikes!
@mrs. wagon: I wonder if the need/want/expectation to help out parents is cultural? I discussed this with friends once and it seemed like it was very common among my Asian friends to help out parents but not so common among non-Asian friends.
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My parents are financially set, though i give my mom an "allowance" when i visit. We recently paid for a reno that DH's parents did to their home, and will probably assist them financially later on when their savings begin to drop.
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My parents will not be in the financial position to need our help based on retirement savings and other streams of income that they have acquired over the years. My ILs (mostly FIL) have made poor financial decisions because they know that FIL's mother is wealthy. They will have an inheritance that will aow them to live well.
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I help my parents right now whenever they're short on their bills. So does my younger brother.
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Hubby and I will do whatever is necessary to help out our parents, whether it be living with us or helping them financially for whatever reason. We owe them tons for all that they have done for us, so there's no boundaries when they need us.
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We will be helping my parents financially in the future, as well as physically since we live pretty close. My husband is an only child; so I anticipate caring for MIL too (which I’m happy to do; she is wonderful!). It is unlikely we would need to help out MIL financially; but you never know.
One note about assuming parents will always have enough money for nursing home/assisted living costs in particular: my grandmother had a decent pension (almost 70k a year, after taxes) and owned a condo and a home outright. She planned to leave pretty decent inheritances to us grandkids. Because she owned those assets and didn’t basically liquidate them in time before needing an assisted care facility; she did not qualify for state medicare and had to pay over $7k a MONTH in cash to the facility. She passed away about 2 weeks ago having not a dime; even after selling both properties. We will pay for her funeral, and obviously, there is absolutely zero inheritance (which of course, is fine). Needless to say; if your parents have decent assets, speak to a financial guru before your parents need help and get caught “in the system” having to pay out of pocket for care.
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I think my parents are set... my dad is 67 and has no plans of retiring from his medical practice anytime soon.
My ILS on the other hand, retired 3 years ago with very little savings/retirement plan. They've been ok so far, but I'm terrified to know what happens when they are out of money. DH and I are comfortable, but we don't have a lot of extra money on hand to give them (and we'd rather put that in savings for a house), and we've been paying half of their property taxes for the past 3 years (his sister & BIL pay the other half). I don't know what to do when they need/expect more than that!
I've told DH very firmly that we CAN'T live with them. I'd be open to a 2-flat where we live in the same building, but they would need their own living space. I CANNOT share a kitchen/living room with them... I would go crazy!!
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@oliviaoblivia: @krsmall: @zippylef:
All of her children give her an "allowance" and have done so since they were 18.
It was already agreed upon before I was in the picture.I wouldn't mind contributing if I knew his, or my family truly needed help.
I just don't feel like they do. -
My dad is pretty reckless with his money and currently retired. I am worried he will run out of money. My mom on the other hand is not retired but recently got laid off. I would support my mom but living with a parent can be hard. I hope that my siblings can share our responsibilities so it doesn't fall on one of us. By sharing rent/mortgage or letting her stay for a few months at a time.
I'm actually wondering if it's appropriate to ask my aunt (my mom's sister) to help.
I guess I would look to my siblings than my children for help. Maybe it's just me.
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My parents will not need financial help. My ILs aren't great savers, but my MIL's mom has a lot of money so they should be fine financially as well once inheritance is considered.
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I will always gladly help my parents or in laws if they need financial help. They took care of us and spent lots of money on us growing up so I dont even have to think about helping them if they need it
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Yes, my in-laws live with rent free now and we support them financially bc they don't have any source of income (though they just recently qualified for SS disability so now they'll be getting a monthly check). We're also working on paying off their debt.
Thankfully, my mom is completely self-sufficient and is incredibly financially savvy so I don't think I'll ever have to worry about her.
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The only thing we'd be capable of doing is letting one of them live with us. That would be hard, and I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. We're not financially able to help anybody other than ourselves right now, and probably won't be in the near future.
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@sunny: I definitely think culture has a lot to do with expectations, as well as need. I know that in Korea it's pretty much assumed that the parents will live with the oldest son's family until they die, and most parents get an allowance from all their children. Also, most aging Asians in the US are either immigrants or second or third generation, which means at some point in the near past, someone came to this country with probably very little (or nothing) and built up their life here from scratch. So there's just less money (and property) from the past.
@yoursilverlining: I'm so glad you mentioned this... I think a lot of people don't consider this factor when thinking about their future. My MIL has a house that we're trying to liquidate as fast as possible so that she can retire. She thought that it could serve as inheritance for her sons, but the cold hard reality of it is that if she doesn't get rid of it, she will end up with nothing in the end because the government considers her rich because she has this huge asset in her name!
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Nah. My parents will not need our help and they have money socked away for this kind of stuff. They have already set the money up so that they won't be penalized in the future. And, knowing my parents, they would never, ever, ever, take a dime from us, because it would take away from our ability to provide for our own kids. That's just how they are. They would never let it happen.
No idea what the deal is with my MIL, though. She doesn't have much money and will likely end up in a state funded home. Dh and I have agreed that family will not live with us.
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My parents are in their 40s. This thought hasn't even crossed my mind.....as of now they make a million times more money than us so I think us helping them out financially is a long ways a way.....
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43 comments