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@winniebee: Yup... DS is strong willed and gets his mind stuck on things easily. He will wake up in the morning with a plan for the day and it's hard to fight that. It's been easier now that he is understanding days of the week better. But, I definitely can relate to the feeling emotion in a big way. He is a great little boy, but those strong willed moments and fights are exhausting and can just push me to the edge.

That's a great question. I think it's so subjective, and I see two things at play...

How strong-willed is his or her nature?
How often is the child permitted act on their self-will?

So, let's say you have two families. The Smith Family and the Jones Family each have a child who is about average of the spectrum of stubbornness (what that means or how that's measured exactly we'll ignore for the sake of simplicity). So they're equal in regard to question 1.

The Smiths will tell you that they're pretty laid back in terms of discipline. They believe in redirecting kids when they can, and they choose their battles when the child puts up a fight. This child is used to exerting his will to get his way a fair amount of the time. To an outside observer, the Smith child seems like he is VERY strong willed (much more than average).

The Jones Family tells you that they believe in teaching children self-control through discipline. The Jones child learned from an early age that rather than choosing their battles, his parents make practically every hill one they will die on--the Jones kid realizes that exerting his will in opposition to his parents is not only ineffective, it spells more suffering for him in the end. It's just not worth it. To an casual observer, the Jones child seems extremely mellow (less strong willed than average).

I think both the nature of the child and the parenting style of the parents play off each other. But even as the parent of my own kid, it's hard for me to sort out how much is due to my parenting style and how much is due the nature she was born with. We're disciplinarians, and I will say that it's irritating to me when people assume that we are just the luckiest parents on earth because we have such a laid back child. I don't want to take 100% credit when nature is also at play, but because I've seen her at her worst, I know that she has a will and that if we let her, she'd be more of a terror than she currently is. I think some people think, "They have such a lovely child, they really don't need to be so strict with her," when the reality is that being strict with her is what makes her so laid back and happy. The times we haven't been strict (because of one of us being sick or stressed, etc.) her behavior has spiraled downward. Maybe a child who was less strong willed could deal with that better, I don't know.

My middle LO is very strong willed!

@Oxana: Interesting perspective--I onlyvwosh it were so easy that being strict always causes your child to realiZe it's not worth the fight! I think it ultimately depends on the child's personality (other personality factors than being strong willed--how sensitive/emotional they are, independence level, how they approach and explore the world, etc.).

My LO is strong willed and not a parent pleaser either much of the time--he has his own agenda a lot of the time and we have to use a lot of reverse psychology on him, lol.