My DD is almost 3 and we've been having whining and tantrums over every.little.thing. and it's driving me crazy. I know part of it is due to her age and part of it is due to her 3 week old baby brother but I am seriously struggling to keep my patience with her and often times end up losing it. The whining is like nails on a chalkboard to me and instantly raises my blood pressure. I'm usually able to start out being calm and patient with her, but as the tantrum rages on I often end up yelling at her. And then I feel instantly guilty and like a shitty mom and like I'm damaging her for life.
We've tried just shutting her door and telling her she can come talk to us when she's calmed down, but usually it just gets worse and worse. I've tried sitting with her and talking to her about her feelings, which works maybe 30% of the time. We've tried time outs, taking toys or privileges away, sitting with her while she tantrums. I've made efforts to have one-on-one time with her and make special "dates" with her since the baby arrived. And I've talked to her a lot about how mommy and daddy love her. Nothing seems to help and I'm just at the end of my rope with all of it. Please tell me I'm not the only one feeling this way!
You might also enjoy...
-
I wish I had advice. We are in the same boat. It has helped a teeny tiny bit to try to spend as much one on one time with him as possible and find ways to make a game of something that involves his sister. So I have him help me with things for her or we play tea party and I pretend to give her tea too. But I tell him only mommy can give her tea and it has to come from Mommas boob (or bottle etc.). It's still hard over here though. Hugs
-
I vividly remember when my brother was born and all of a sudden feeling left out. It seemed like my parents were always yelling at me and cooing over my brother. I was almost three when he was born.
I bet it's hard because a baby cries and mom is trying to calm and comfort the baby, a toddler whines and it makes mom get irritated. I can see how that doesn't make sense at a toddler's level.We only have our J - he's 3 - our struggle has been potty training. He's sooo good and then he'll pull a day where he just doesn't care if he goes in his pants and laughs about it, thinks it's hilarious. So frustrating.
It's a tough age for sure!
-
@rachiecakes: Yeah, I'm sure she's feeling left out. She's our first, and the first grandchild so she's used to being the center of attention. I'm really empathetic to that. I try to tend to her needs first if I can. I try to not always be holding the baby around her, or say he's the reason I can't do something with her (like "I can't play w you because I have to feed baby") but obviously there are times I have to tend to him.
I can only imagine what it feels like for her, so I try to be patient, but it wares thin after a while!
-
Maybe less talking and more showing. Hugs and smiles when not doing anything bad. And then a quiet unemotional timeout when misbehaving. LO might be feeding off your emotional pattern. Words are not registering when the deeper root is emotional upset. A calm consistent presence will build security and stability in a time of uncertainty and imbalance.
-
We instituted a rewards program for our whiner. No whining and he earned a coin. Earn enough coins and he buys a toy. He also earns coins for no accidents and other things we deem important. It was rewarding instead of removing. BUT, I haven't tried it with the new baby as she isn't here just yet. I'll let you know if it still works after that.
-
@brownie: tell me more! How old is your DS? No whining all day = a coin? And how many coins for a toy?
-
Mrs Blue wrote about something very similar just a little while ago. So you are definitely not the only one! http://www.hellobee.com/2015/02/19/when-mama-needs-to-say-im-sorry/
-
@BeachMama: He was 3 but his speech was delayed so he didn't start whining until he was 3 years old (since he couldn't really communicate). He can earn up to 4 coins a day on special days (1 for making good choices/not whining, 1 for no accidents, 1 for listening to his teachers, 1 for his afternoon activity such as gymnastics). Typically it is 1 or 2. And he starts with 5 coins and we can take them away for excessive whining or accidents.
He loves counting so it really goes into that. Most of the things he wants we put at 20ish coins. He earns things we find on sale that he may like (small lego kits, cars, planes).
I have found if we incentivize what we don't want to see with more coins and give him rewards of coins he see it work. These days (about 6 months out from starting it) we even occasionally forget to give him coins and he still makes good choices.
Today his computer game stopped working and there wasn't even an "agh" it was just "my computer froze" and he waited for help. It was amazing.
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
8 comments