Curious others experiences and thoughts. I currently dread night and DH has blurted out he doesn't want any more kids because of how bad this has been. LO is almost 4mo and is addicted to nursing. He doesn't want to fall asleep without being latched. He started waking up a ton recently (like every 1.5 hours) and I thought by teaching him healthy sleep he might not have as many issues. We have tried swaddle, white noise, dark room, crib soother, shushing and rocking, but he gives blood curdling screams, arching his back and making you want to hide under a rock and never come out. Until..he latches. Then he just sucks once or twice and falls asleep peacefully. What would you do? Try to wean off breast, or just do it and pray he wakes less needing it? I'm at a loss because our first took a pacifier. But this one wants nothing to do with them.
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If you haven't already tried this, we had success with the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 "S"s. There's a book, but I found the DVD to be much more helpful because you could actually see what he was talking about and I was way too tired to be reading books. Our local library had the DVD.
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Just wanted to add, this could be a sleep regression. And have you tried different pacis?
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This is my daughter! But she's only 6 weeks so I'm giving her a pass....but same thing, will suck a couple of times and then fall asleep. I've also tried using pacis but she refuses them (first daughter took them like a champ!) we swaddle, use white noise, and we even shush and rock. It's hard! I have gotten her to fall asleep while walking around and patting her on the back (unswaddled!) and then successfully transferred her to the bassinet. That might have been a fluke though.....
Good luck! It's hard!
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In the same boat here. I would for sure start trying to wean him off it. Object permanence, etc, would be hell with this regression and only gets worse. Mine also likes to sleep latched, but i can pop him off, wake him up a bit, and rock him or shush him and sometimes he'll take a pacifier....i pick my battles here, i'd much rather he take a paci than use me for one....and he doesn't usually take one but lately he has.
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Im not going to be popular but you are creating a bad precedent by nursing to sleep. You should aim for drowsy but awake so they learn to fall asleep on their own.
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@blackbird: I agree. I'm just not sure I can get hubs to agree. And it's harder for me to do it because he can smell milk. I might be able to get him to comply I just think he needs a few days to cool off after last night.
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@My Only Sunshine: I think I read parts of it with our first one but I could use a refresher. I think the suck part is what's missing without nursing and him refusing a paci. Maybe I use a finger?
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@Ginabean3: sometimes I wonder if he hates the swaddle. But I think the startle and arm throws might wake him up. Any issues with that?
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@Ash: I definitely think it's partially a sleep regression and growth spurt. How long do they usually last?
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@Mrs. Lovejoy: oh yes, we definitely have that issue if she's not swaddled!
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@Mrs. Lovejoy: oh boy, I have no idea. But maybe someone else does? A few weeks would be my guess.
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@Mrs. Lovejoy: get your husband to agree to what, help? With the child he helped create? This isn't all on you, mama
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@blackbird: haha yes. I think because he can't breastfeed he thinks he can't really handle it. Almost every time he goes to get the babe and tries really hard to settle him (so I can sleep), he ends up bringing him to me so I can get him down. I'm just really, really tired
I know he's trying, but he hates the screaming
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I think there are several schools of thought, but I will add mine. It's totally normal for babies to need to nurse to sleep. Nursing makes them sleeping and it's comforting. Mine have always nursed to sleep, and so far it didn't create anything bad for the long term - they just nurse to sleep, and when my oldest got older she didn't need to anymore.
At 4 months, babies go through a sleep regression or wakeful period, regardless of how they went to sleep before. It can be long - with my first it was a couple weeks, with my second it's been 3 weeks and counting.
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@Rockies11: I'll be honest that I tend to lean this way as well. It just feels natural. But what do you do when you aren't there?
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Sleep is hard. So many opinions and it's so hard to know what is the right thing to do. I struggled with sleep and "the right way" for LO's entire first year.
This is just me - but I wish I had just done what was easiest and came naturally instead of trying to force "healthy sleep habits." LO was a bad sleeper no matter how I tried to train her so I should have just saved both of us the tears and nursed and rocked her.
That doesn't mean that I am against CIO or think we should have never CIO. But I wish I hadn't done it so early or so much.
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I used to let LO to sleep whenever I did bedtime (I used to work evening shifts a few times per week) and she just eventually decided she didn't need it anymore. I think she stopped with nap times first and then bedtime. Then I just incorporated it into our routine - nurse, diaper change, brush teeth, book and bed. But DH was able to put LO down for bed by himself when I wasn't there without issues though if I did bedtime she HAD to nurse to sleep, until she didn't. I guess my point is that you could always try the lazy way out and let LO outgrow it? Introducing good sleep habits within that structure is a good step. 4 mo is still little. We did white noise, sleep sack (Zipadeezip), etc for cues that helped.
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@Mrs. Lovejoy: Oh hells no! He can totally help.
Can you nurse laying down? It is SO helpful. I have days/mornings that I just bring him into bed and let him have all the boob he wants while I doze off. I try not to do it too much because I need T to go down easily for DH and not always me, so I avoid the crutch, but it still happens.
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@Mrs. Lovejoy: I read somewhere (I think kellymom?) that you should just let other caregivers do their thing and develop their own routine to get your baby to sleep. So I have always trusted that advice, and my DH and my mom and the daycare came up with ways to get her to sleep, and it's easier when you're not there smelling like sweet delicious milk.
I think there's a large body of research that supports nursing to sleep, so if you're looking to find support for that position to ease your mind there's a lot out there. For us, it's been an effective and gentle tool to get our kids to sleep, with no lasting effects.
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I didn't read through everything, but my 4 mo has recently found his thumb consistently and uses it to fall back asleep during MOTN wake-ups. Could you teach him to find his thumb and encourage thumb sucking?
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@Rockies11: Agreed. I think I really stressed about DH having to do bedtimes, but he was just like - whatever, I'll figure it out, and didn't really care about what I did. LO seems to be able to go to sleep with DH, me or daycare, and we all do somewhat different things, but she makes it work. If me and my boobs weren't there, she suddenly didn't need to nurse to sleep, a bottle before bed would do!
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@daniellemybelle: I sleep trained my first and I hated it. I know people swear by CIO but I really hated the process. With DD I wanted to establish a good routine early. Maybe I got lucky but she started STTN at 2 months and still is with no regression. But maybe I have a unicorn baby. Lol
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I remember 4 months being hairy with sleep all around. I can't say it was a regression b/c we hadn't really gotten that far to begin with! But man, 4 months was rough.
At 5 months, I talked about sleep training and tried doing a little bit, but it just didn't seem like she was ready. I kept nursing her to sleep and when she'd wake in the night.
At 6 months, I started nursing her with a dim light on and trying to put her down drowsy. It was tough in the beginning--I would let her cry for 10-15 minutes (which felt like an eternity!), then I'd send in my husband, and he usually would walk out with palms up and I'd go in and nurse her again. But we kept trying, and that helped with her sleeping longer stretches at night.
We've had hiccups along the way and things aren't perfect, but it is so much better!
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@BandDmommy: I'm no expert but my gut feeling is it just depends on the baby. Some babies are bad sleepers and you can get them to sleep but they will kick and scream the whole way. Some babies are good sleepers and you don't have to do much to get them to sleep. I feel like maybe you got the latter this time?
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We nurse to sleep or sleepy at 9 months still....I know it is not the best habit....but just wanted you to know manyndo it
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I nursed my oldest to sleep for years, and then easily transitioned away from it when we weaned. It was no big deal. If it works, great, and why stress about it?
I know he's trying, but he hates the screaming
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