Hellobee Boards

I still put my 9 year old to bed too. After putting her brother to sleep I go into her room and we read (each our own book) together for about half an hour (for us this is until around 8pm). She usually gets so into her book she barely notices me leave. After that, we’ve used reading in bed with a book light after lights out as a reward for her staying in bed for a long time, and let her choose when to turn it off. (I give her a loose guideline of 8:30 on school nights but we don’t mind if it’s a little later.) I think she really enjoys the independence of deciding for herself when to go to sleep. Maybe hype that up?
Otherwise, what about having her listen to a bedtime podcast or something after you say goodnight? Something to help her eventually enjoy her alone time. I googled and found these:

I still help put my 8.5 year old 3rd grader to sleep. He reads on his own and (with reminders) does stuff like brushes his teeth and changes his clothes without a ton of parent interaction. Then around 8:15, I'll go in to either read together briefly or chat. Lights go out at about 8:30. He still wants a couple of songs to go to sleep, which is very sweet. I've asked him if he just wants to chat, but he definitely still wants them. I lay with him for a couple of minutes and then leave before he's asleep. I will say that by that time, he's usually pretty tired because he wakes up for the day around 6:30.

We have a 9 and 6.5 yo and the bedtime routine is still the same for both of them. It's the same pj's, brush teeth, books, and then what we call "stay withs", which means that each parent hangs with each kid separately for a little bit for final snuggles and talks about the day before it's lights out. The 6.5 yo is bigger on books getting read to him but our 9 yo is more independent and will either hang out in his room/read on his own if he doesn't want to read books with us. He does at times come down and tell us he can't fall asleep and need us to bring him back up. DH is a bit more of a pushover on that front. I usually tell him to go up and read a book or listen to a podcast but he doesn't want any of that. He wants time with us but at that time, I'm just spent and/or I need to keep working. So I will say, I'm there with you.

I'm really big on him getting as much sleep as he can as he has been getting migraines since he was 2.5 and a big trigger is lack of sleep.

Really love reading these because my kid hasn't fallen asleep before 10:30 since she was 3 and had always required a ton of handling around bedtime because of high activity levels so I'm always ears for new ideas to give her some more solo time. She's now nearing 9 and our routine has been about the same - devices off by 8 PM (right around when we finish dinner), some quiet playtime on her own or we'll do a puzzle together until 9, at 9 it's brushing teeth and solo reading or we read together in the same room until about 9:45, and then we do parent reading out loud for 15 minutes or so and lights out at 10. She'll typically fall asleep somewhere between 10:30 - 11. She's an only child so there's a lot of need for company and we've basically never had any evening time as grownups ever as a result.

@PinkElephant: for what it is worth, here is how we do bedtime for our 6.5 y/o 1st grader and 10 y/o 4th grader. (For context, wake up time is 6:15 out the door at 7:20 in the mornings)
7:15-7:35 teeth brushing/shower/pjs with little bro (older one can do learning iPad game like Duolingo or hang out with other parent)
7:35-7:55 read chapter book with both kids
8-lights out for little one. I stay in the room 2-5 minutes.
8-older one starts teeth/shower/pjs
8:30-In bed for her

They share a room so this is a little tricky but the staggered bedtime means the big one gets a later bedtime since she is older and they both fall asleep faster than if they go to bed at the same time.

I walk her in and kiss her goodnight but she has a Bluetooth light thing and a book in her bed so she can read and goof off with the light. I don’t monitor what time she goes to sleep. I think she sometimes wakes up before the alarm so she can read a little then too. I can find the link if you think it would help.

@peaches1038: totally fair. She's definitely very social/people oriented!

These have been really interesting. My two kids have totally different sleep needs. My 4yo is in bed at 7:45, promptly falls asleep and I don’t hear from him until morning. My 8yo constantly would get out of bed, got very worked up if she didn’t fall asleep right away. It was very frustrating. So with her, when it’s my turn to put her to bed, I start reading to her around 8. This is by choice - we’re reading Harry Potter I enjoy it as much as her. Hubby usually plays a boardgame around this time with her (things he really likes). Around 8:30, we send her for PJ/teeth etc which she does on her own and then ~8:45 we go to her room and I read until 9 (have to switch books if HP is getting too scary). At 9, I turn on the whitenoise, she says prayers, and I give her a “dream” to think about when she’s falling asleep. Just something to imagine (my dad used to do this for me). Then I tell her that I will check on her in 20 min (…although I set my timer for 25 because I think she was almost asleep at 20 min and would wake her up). This helped her lose the fear that she would be left all alone if she couldn’t sleep. Most of the time, she’s asleep in 25 min, but if she’s not, I turn on an audible book (Ramona - one she’s listened to a million times and isn’t too exciting) very quietly and say I’ll check again in 20 min. Usually she’s out by then. Sometimes she’s not and she gets very upset because she’s tired and thinks she’s going to up alllllllllll night. So I have to remind her that she doesn’t have to sleep, she just has to listen to her story. Once she relaxes, she falls asleep fast.

My oldest is 9 next month. He still likes to be tucked in at night. His bedtime is 8, but that is the time we tuck him. He has a light and he is allowed to read how long he wants. Some nights he will draw or look at Pokémon cards but as long as he is in bed and quiet that is ok. Most nights he is asleep by 9.

@Mrs. Carrot: I have an audible subscription and I’ve used some of my months to buy some collections, Like the Ramona collection or the Anne of Green Gables collection. That’s what I use for “can’t sleep” reading because I don’t want her getting excited about a new book and unable to sleep. We also use Libby (the library app and it has a lot of audiobooks), but not usually for this because then I’d have to make sure it was available and check it out and download and so on. My goal in life it to go in quick, say here’s your story and get out so that I don’t get trapped in conversations about not being able to sleep.

Also, as an aside; it’s been a miserable cold winter here and the kids haven’t had outdoor recess for weeks. Those days, it’s always harder to get her to sleep. She just hasn’t moved enough.

We still put our 9yo 3rd grader to bed. He wants us to read with him (either he reads aloud or we do) and lay with him, ideally stay till he's sleeping but we try to leave after books unless we fall asleep (haha). Bedtime is usually 8 or 8:30. 2 nights a week he plays hockey until 8, so it's usually closer to 9 those nights. His younger brother is 6, and we aim for 8 for him.

@hellobeeboston: Right now, we have an Alexa Dot in her room (with the mic off) that will play the stories. Before that we would bring in the tablet for the night and it would live on the desk. This works for us because she is a rule-follower. She knows not to touch those devices.

@Grace: ahh, ok yeah an alexa would be good for that - my DH refuses to have one of those in our house though. And our kids would NOT be trusted with a tablet, ha. too many games on there to play with.

My DD is only in first grade but our elementary school encourages reading to or with kids all the way through fifth grade. So we plan to do it as long as DD will let us. Some nights we read to her, some she reads to us, and some we do a mix. We have never stayed until she is asleep though. We do bathroom and teeth downstairs and then go up to her room. She gets changed, we read, we talk for a bit, listen to five minutes of music, sing our songs to her, say goodnight, and leave. We typically walk out of her room between 7:45-8. After we leave she can read or listen to music/audio book for 15 minutes (this will likely increase as she gets older).