I know it is no surprise - I am ALWAY posting about my kids behavior.. it is so sad at this point - not a day goes by where I am not lecturing y 5 year old about his behavior.. I spent years taking the positive gentle approach, or ignoring things, but now every day at some point t I end up becoming a lifeless human just trying to get them to bed - I an SO beaten down.. My two year old is on track to be WORSE.. and my 5 year old winds him up like a top every day..
Yesterday I had to take them both to the ENT - and I was humiliated by their behavior.. The two year old does not listen at all - I mean AT ALL - so he would not stop opening drawers, pushing buttons, opening the trash can, etc.. Meanwhile the 5 year old was laughing and kept getting out of his chair to play with the little one despite me telling him repeatedly to please sit and give me a moment to talk to the Dr.. At 5, shouldn't he be able to manage this? At one point the Dr tried to hold the 2 year old in his arms so we could talk - but of course he was squirming and yelling to get down.. and his brother laughing to whole time.. The second we got to the car his demeanor changed. When I talked to him about his behavior he was sullen and almost like spirit broken.. He even said "I knew you were going to talk to me about this".. I feel like the fate of the younger one partially lies in his hands - he is ALWAYS winding him up.. I am so lost and most days I cry in a bathroom somewhere, imagining what life would be like if I didn't have these high needs high energy kids.. I have been doing chiro and biomedical stuff for the 5 year old for 6 months, and despite all I have written he is actually better (less explosive). I had him evaluated by an OT and she said she saw no need for services.. Sometimes I think it is me.. That I just wasn't meant to have kids, or at least boys.. I am so defeated and lost these days - any input welcomed..
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@oskarsmommy: Firstly, this sounds like a LOT for you to be carrying and today seemed like an especially hard day. I haven’t read your other posts about DS1s behavior but it sounds as though you’ve taken serious steps to intervene and correct things with him - that’s huge and I hope you’ve applauded yourself for that. As a parent, I don’t have a ton of advice to offer. As a teacher, I wonder what type of feedback has DS1’s school provided? As for DS2, have you brought up your concerns to his pediatrician? Sorry if you’ve covered these q’s in your previous posts. And hugs, parenting is so so difficult.
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@Autumnmama79: his school says he behaves well - although I have seen him goofing off a bit here and there - but aross the board we have gotten good reports..
My Ped dismisses my concerns about my 2 year old, because it is too soon to tell- if anything he advises me to get help, which I totally get.. I mean what can I do at this point - if he is ultimately a high needs kid as he gets older, I am gonna need tools to deal with it..
thanks for the empathy though!
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@oskarsmommy: very encouraging that ds1 behaves well at school. Is ds2 trying to outdo ds1 for your attention? Even though it’s negative
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@Autumnmama79: probably.. DS1 is very high needs in terms of attention.. I "get" it in theory, and when I am away from them, but in the moment I just can't deal anymore!
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So much empathy. We are really struggling with my 4yo and I do most of the parenting alone and I feel like I am screwing it up all the time. It sounds like you have done a lot to help the situation but some things are just hard no matter what
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@oskarsmommy: I hear ya. Bring an iPad (or 2) next time? Lol
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@Autumnmama79: it is probably true.. I recently spent 2 weeks at my brothers place with his family (kids 11 and 8 / doing mold remediation on our house) and WOW.. I mean my nephews are amazing kids - DREAM kids - and all they do is watch tv and ear lunchables and Kraft Mac and cheese, and sugary cereal for breakfast.. meanwhile there I was making my kids salmon and home made chicken soups, never letting them have food coloring and watching their sugar intake, feeding my kids gluten free and casein free everything because I am grabbing at straws hoping it will help them behave.. I left there thinking, maybe I should let them eat Cheetos and watch cartoons more often... we tried the tv thing first (because diet is harder to go back on) and it backfired big time.. but yes, you are right - in moments like that give the kid an iPad!
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Hugs. Some kids are just easier than others. A few things:
- do you have a lot of outdoor, physical time? My boys are generally well behaved if, and only if, they've had a chance to run and climb for at least an hour a day. I babysat a lot of high intensity boys in high school and they were also so much better if we really got our wiggles our.
- have you ruled out ADHD?
-Do the kids have a lot of opportunities to succeed? My kids need a ton of praise. If they do something, anything, right I praise them. It works so much better than the negatives.So when we go to the doctor I normally stop at the playground or go for a walk first, bribe my kids with playground time afterwards, and give them lots of snacks and quiet toys. Then I focus on what they did right.
But big hugs. You are trying and it isn't easy
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@oskarsmommy: hugs. I hear you. It is so hard. My older daughter sounds somewhat similar (andnive posted about her a lot!). I think the thing that helped most of anything for her is time- she’s 5.5 now and has finally started settling into a more reasonable behavior generally. Not that I didn’t spend ten minutes screaming at her yesterday- I did. But the explosions are less frequent. Trying to make sure she has enough sleep is important, but she also fights bedtime like crazy. I’ve resorted to straight up bribes- if you just stay in bed and don’t get out at all, I’ll give you chocolate in your lunch tomorrow. And that worked.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can and it’s doubly hard with two of them. My younger one has a really different personality- she’s definitely 3 and has her irrational stubborn 3 year old moments- a lot of them- but I can compare them to how her big sister was at3 and know this is more manageable.
I agree with as much outside running around time as possible, and opportunities to succeed. My daughter has just started reading and she is so proud and has been working hard at it and it’s somethjng she can focus her energy on and receive lots of good attention for.
Good luck. I understand.
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@oskarsmommy: this sounds really hard
I’m sorry. You are an amazing mommy and trying so hard, but I think you might be stuck in some patterns that are making things harder for everyone. When I was finding myself doing too much “lecturing” (of my 3 year old—ha!) I started using a system called 1-2-3 magic. There’s a book or a DVD. I don’t think it’s right for all kids—or all parents—but it really helped us break out of our cycles and my son’s behavior has improved a ton. I got my husband on board right away and we were super consistent about approaching him. We still use it occasionally, but most days find it unnecessary. (He’s also in my preschool class and I can use it at school for just him without interfering with the way the rest of the class works). My 6 year old is and was the “dream child” and my 3 year old is just harder. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing (or not doing), I think it’s just who he is and what he’s working through. I think 123 Magic helped him learn to calm down and think before he acts, and I think it stopped me from doing too much “talking at” him. Anyway, it might be something to look into!
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@oskarsmommy: I also have a 2 and 5yo and take them to an ent together and they act the same as this. I generally give on of them my phone + treats. The thing is though it didn’t make me feel any sort of way. The doctors acted like it was normal and i figured 2 kids at the doctor? We’re just surviving. Also I always say my kids love me best but I’m their biggest trigger (ie they act better at school) I think at 5 we get a lot of acting out at home because they’ve been trying to be good all day at school. But I do agree you should seek some help for yourself. Some coping strategies or someone to talk through. When you feel so beat down like that maybe something else is going on and you don’t have to be miserable every day. I’m not sure what your situation is but if you could get your 2yo into some kind of part time school would that help? Regular alone time for me from both kids has made a difference
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I just wanted to echo the other posters- it is hard! My older boys still rile each other up and get wild! Like even yesterday they started chasing each other in little circles on the subway...you can imagine how mortifying that is... But they are 6 and almost 8 and it does get better. Unfortunately a lot of it is just time! I think you are on the right path with the food and screen time. The only thing I would suggest is more outside time if possible. Lots of weekends we end up driving to the beach ( even though it’s freezing) and their demeanor immediately changes. And get some time off for yourself as often as you can manage- be it preschool or babysitter. I wish I could tell me of 4 years ago to do that.... hang in there!
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BOYS ARE DIFFICULT!! period. That is my 2 cents. My 2 yo DS is way more difficult than my DD ever was. He is seriously a little tornado. He never stops, he has no fear, he doesn't listen, he doesn't care if you raise your voice--he just raises his back, he pushes back (both figuratively and literally!!).... For real my husband and I just end up shaking our heads a few times every day bc there's nothing else we can do.
As PP's mentioned the best calming down advice is to get lots of outside/play time in. Tire him out..
Big hugs!! I feel for you so much.. I can't imagine 2 boys
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First of all, agreed that some kids are just more challenging to parent than others, and it sounds like yours fall into that category. I know how disheartening that is, and I want to say, don’t be too hard on yourself and remember you are doing the best you know how! One thing I’ll mention (since you asked!) is that you mentioned gentle parenting. I try (and often fail!) to use that approach and one super common downfall for that approach is that parents can forget that even if they are being gentle or peaceful, they still have to be in charge. I wonder if maybe that’s something you struggle with too? THe fact that you mentioned spending years ignoring things makes me think you may be really uncomfortable setting and enforcing boundaries. It’s freaking hard! But I’ve found with my DS (4) that when I am consistent about setting and holding boundaries )ideally gently, but I’m not perfect) even when it means he tantrums, let’s him know that I mean why I say and am in charge, so he challenges me less. That means I’ve picked up a tantruming 3 year old and carried him out of a restaurant and bear hugged him while 100s of people walked by while he kicked and screamed until he calmed down enough to go back inside, amongst many many other examples. It’s not an overnight magic thing- and it’s way harder with two than with one- but I wonder if he would challenge you less if he got the message that even though you are gentle, you are in charge? Anyway, just some more food for the fodder to consider to see if it feels like it might help!
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Hugs. I know that 90% of my kids behaviours are attention seeking. I know that because when I get them alone (1on1) they are completely different children. I mean, a 2 yo is a 2yo but the 5 yo could likely be behaving this way to seek your attention. He knows winding up his little brother will draw some attention. Is there a chance to split the children up every now and again? This is just all from my own experiences. FWIW, I have seen moms in your exact scenario in public and I just commiserate. And yes I have been that mom too! No judgment here.
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Hugs mama, you are a great mom! You are doing what you can and it is hard. Please pat yourself in the back.
I feel the same and I only have 1 boy. He's now 7 and it is just seemingly getting better. It was a tough ride. It is still tough. At times I also wonder if I were not meant to have children like you said, but it is not true. You are doing great!
That said, before going to a big appointment or going to places that you especially needed their good behavior, maybe give them a big prep talk of what will happen prior to the event? Yes, it is just a silly little appointment to us grown ups (because we've been to those hundreds of times) but it is a big event to them, and it helps them if they know what they shall expect, and what is expected of them. You can do a brainstorm session with both kids on what you can do or they can do so they will be able to exhibit good behavior. Write down all their ideas, even if it is silly ones, and then review and pick ideas that all of you think will work together.
Give your older DS a responsibility as the older brother, and how he should help mommy to make sure younger DS behaves. Maybe even talk to DS1 and brainstorm ways of how to help DS2 to behave.
I do think a big prep talk prior to the event is very important. Every time before we travel, DH always do that with DS to set up an expectation and it helps. There was one time I didn't, and oh boy, it was disaster asking him to use the restroom. We stood outside of the airplane bathroom (it was a lot of drama before I even get him there). I nudged him lightly to get in line and he screamed I was hurting him and he cried. I am talking about tantrum / nonstop screaming and accusing me of hurting him as if I were beating him up in public. Everyone was looking at me. OMG. I cried after I got back to the seat and I wasn't able to talk for 2 days (it was Christmas too! lol) Well I learned after that lol. So you are not alone.
Another thing I learned from school is, maybe have a "COMPLIMENTS" party: So at school, they cut out the words "COMPLIMENTS" by each alphabet, flip them over and stick it on the wall. Each time they receive a compliment from a "stranger" outside of the classroom (could be another teacher, a parent...etc), they will flip one letter over. When the whole word is flipped over, they will get to pick a silly party -- it can be as silly as a "no shoes" party, or a show and tell, or a pajamas day...etc. For you, maybe you can implement something like that? When the whole "COMPLIMENTS" (or whatever word that is appropriate, or even, say, just a row of 10 stars) is flipped over (every time they listen or exhibit very good behavior outside of home they can flip one star over), they can go for ice cream, or whatever fun outing...etc.?
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@oskarsmommy: Have you ever worked with a therapist? When my DS was 3 DH and I met once a week with a Behavioral Therapist - she observed DS at his DCP and then used what we told her (we had to keep a journal) and she gave us ways to cope, things to try and things to avoid - please don't ask me what they were though because I cant remember - haha
Once he turned 5 we took him to see a LCSW who worked with him and us and he stayed with her until 8.5 yrs old.
DH always asks me if she truly helped DS or if he grew out of it. Here is my answer "I have NO IDEA but she SAVED ME!"
If nothing else, do it for yourself - to help you cope and learn strategies to help him, you, AND little brother
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We're struggling with similar behavior/outburst issues with DD1, 4.5 right now and I definitely worry about her influence on DD2 (20m). Solidarity - it's really hard and really, really confusing
Sorry to threadjack but...
@Mamaof2: DD1 has her 1st play therapy session this afternoon for behavior/angry outbursts/maybe ADHD and I'm so glad to hear it was helpful for you. DH and I met with the counselor this past weekend to give her background and we will likely do a combo of 1:1 sessions for DD1 and family sessions. I'm so hopeful about starting this!
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@peachykeen: best of luck to you! It was SO hard at first - I remember one of the early sessions when I carried out DS like a sack of potatoes and the therapist nonchalantly took off his shoes and placed them in my bag so it wouldn't hurt when he kicked me - OY!
He is 10.5 now and I can't believe the progress we made!
He will always be my hard kid but at least I can handle it now 
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you guys I am just fully fighting back tears at work.. I know that most of the problem is me.. I have been being so hard on him.. its started little by little and now I am just doing it daily.. letting him se how annoyed I am, muttering under my breath that I want to be alone or just leave.. Ive completely shamed him for how his brother acts, telling him over and over that he is being a bad example and his brother may have problems when he starts school - and he needs to be a better example or else his brother will suffer.. I tell them to leave me alone and when the 5 year old tries to talks lately at meal time I just say "NO" (no joke not 10 seconds goes by where he doesn't say "hey mommy" and then says some random thing - usually getting him side tracked and causing him to spill his food and take forever to eat) He truly is a sweet boy and I can see I have broken his spirit.. I am being awful to my kids and every day I swear I will point on a smile and be better, and I make it sometimes 3-4 hours, then I just fall apart when I am tired of chasing the 2 year down to just put pajamas on or brush his teeth and the 5 year old just laughs.. the last 4 nights its those last moments that I end up getting mad and yelling.. I am also struggling with life big time.. I cut down to working at my job part time 1.5 years ago to spend more time with my kids, knowing I would take on freelance as it came to supplement and build up my freelance clients so my husband and I could move out of LA (we are SO OVER IT) But lately it is backfiring big time.. I have way too much freelance and I am working 12-14 hours a day - constantly having work looming over my head, sleeping 5 hours a night, not having time to even put make up on or proper self care.. my home has mold and we moved out 6 weeks ago and in 6 weeks we have done 1 hotel, 3 air b&b's and I've crashed at my brothers with the kids for 10 days.. We are still 3 weeks at least and will have to move again.. We recently learned we got into zero charter schools - and got accepted to one private school that is 30k a year. Our local schools are terrible - and we want to sell our house but really don't know where to go because anywhere with good schools is a long commute.. My life is in turmoil - and I know it needs to change..
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@oskarsmommy: that sounds so hard! You are doing the best you can! And you are trying SO. HARD. To help them. When I’ve been at low points with my daughter, my mom told me how when she was upset about my really challenging brother, the pediatrician told her “you are doing the best you can with a difficult child.” Some kids are just easier than others, it’s not your fault.
That said, it does sound like everything is caving in on you. Your description of your own moods reminds me a lot of myself before I went on Zoloft. I just couldn’t even stand to be around my kids sometimes and never enjoyed them, even when they were generally behaving. Zoloft helped me break out of that. I never made the time for therapy or anything- which I am positive would have helped more- but my pcp was able to prescribe it and it helped a lot.
It sounds like you need a break- but how that could happen is hard. You aren’t alone in feeling like that, at all.
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@oskarsmommy: that life stuff would be so hard on anyone!! I think the important thing is you’ve identified some areas you struggle so now you can find a way to adjust those and get help. I really hope you can get some help just so you feel better - it’s the worst to be sooo stressed. As I told a friend last night adulting is hard! Marriage, parenting, bills, school. It’s all hard. You guys will get through this too
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@oskarsmommy: Your entire life sounds extremely stressful right now. Working 12-14 hour days and still doing a doctor's appointment with both kids? Can you afford a temporary babysitter ro cleaner or some prepared meals or something to start taking several loads off of you?
The doctor scene you described---every single time I go to the doctor with both kids, it's basically a nightmare. Especially if I try to do it without screens. A tiny room with a bunch of drawers and medical equipment that looks fun to touch, but they aren't supposed to touch?? Nightmare. They just aren't capable of sitting still and not touching things in a small space at that age--I don't even think it's a developmentally appropriate expectation, although of course, I always expect my kiddos to sit without touching and then get frustrated when they can't too.
You can't have patience with your kids when you are stressed from your entire life. The hardest time I've ever had with my DD1's "behavior" (in retrespect, I feel like a lunatic when I think about this) was when she was 2 years old and I was home on Maternity leave with DD2 for 4.5 months by myself with no help after the first few weeks and no family nearby. At the time, I really felt like DD1 was acting up, couldn't be gentle with the new baby, kept doing things "she knew" she shouldn't be doing (like drawing on the wall, or spilling a drink). And now I look back on those months and realize the problem was me--I was expecting a 2 year old to entertain herself without making messes or making bad choices while I was busing nursing a newborn, or gettting a newborn to sleep. I wasn't sleeping, I was grumpy, I was constantly nursing or pumping. I was trying to do it all alone and wasn't doing a great job, and I didn't have the presence of mind to realize my expectations were out of line, not DD1's behavior. She was just being a typical 2 year old. I needed help---either a sitter or for DD1 to be in part time daycare, or at least a house cleaner. Something. And I think that's where you probably are right now too. Your food prep situation sounds stressful. Your work situation sounds stressful. You haven't mentioned your spouse/partner in any of this, so I take it you are also the primary parent? That's too much for any 1 person to do successfully.
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So much sympathy. I'm feeling very much the same. My oldest (he's six) is an amazing, sweet kid, he's so much more mature than I was at his age, and I'm so proud of him. But that's not what he hears from me every day. He hears that he's being a brat, and that I'm mad, and sometimes that I'm so mad I can't talk to him and I'll just wait for daddy to get home so he can do the talking. And I worry that I've broken his spirit. And I wish he had a different mom.
Why? Because he and his little sister are constantly fighting, and I'm fed up, and I lose it completely if I see him hitting her. Granted, she's hard to get along with, but I can't have this happening. In the last few days they've played nicely TWICE. Just about everything they do ends with one or both of them whining or crying. I'm so sick and tired of this. I don't understand why two fairly reasonable kids can't be in the same room for five minutes without screaming, or one tripping the other. I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to make them see each other as human beings with feelings. Maybe they'll always hate each other's guts.
Oh, and no ADHD or any "official" behavior problems going on with either one. They just plain don't get along.
ETA: sometimes they do show concern for each other. When DD was being bullied in day care DS threatened to go over there and scare the girl who was doing it. And when he got a cool toy at the library, he went back and got a second one for DD. So... maybe there's hope and it's just a phase???
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@oskarsmommy: just all the
. I feel your pain, and my situation is nowhere near as stressful as what you are going through. Recently a sort of rock bottom moment for me was getting to a screaming match and then actually slapping my 4yo. It makes me cry remembering it, weeks later. I would be ashamed to explain all the details of my life circumstances that led me to be at this point, but I am working at it, and hoping things are improving. Parenting it is R O U G H!
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@Pollywog: RE: praise -- what you said reminded me of what I read on "The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. Instead of focusing on what went wrong in the day and react to that, focus on the positive, even if it were just a glimpse of a second. When they were all happily playing and you actually could sit down and breathe, say, I really enjoy this peaceful moment with you guys, it is so nice, peaceful and quiet. I love watching you guys play nicely with each other, I love you so much. When you guys are holding hands, say, I love holding hands with you. If DS1 did something nice, say, I love that you did xyz just now, you are setting a great example for little brother and I am proud to see that. I started doing this more too and I just speak out in any little precious moments DS and I shared. It may help with behavior issues in the long run.
@oskarsmommy: Hugs again and
all around. I have no more advice... I hope your situation is resolved soon, and I hope today is a good day for you momma. -
Wow this was just what I needed - thank you ladies. I was scared after I wrote that last bit - how much I exposed my guilty behavior. It helps tremendously to hear that I am not alone and get some tips. (Opportunities to succeed is a great one - as is positive praise for any good moments). Today was a much better day. In fact I took them both out with me after dinner to a shopping mall (it’s literally across the street - and outdoors so it’s not as ambitious as it sounds) to pick up an order and there were moments happening where they were goofing off when I know another version of me would have shut down and become cold. But I noticed a lady watching them and laughing and I forced myself to embrace it - drawing in what i read here, that other kids are like this too and if I just focus on the negative (how long it takes to shuffle them or how they are so quick to goof off), I am gonna miss it. I’ve already missed so much of it. I know a lot of this is circumstance, and I need to be proactive about making changes or everyone will suffer. Thanks again - I’m glad i opened up here
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@Mama Bird: solidarity mama. Tomorrow is a new day for everyone
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@oskarsmommy: You a re doing a great job. Kids will act out a lot for attention. A lot of good advice above and maybe spend individual time with each one periodically. I believe a lot has to do with how can I get mommy’s attention or DH or anybody to look at me. My LO does it a lot especially when I pick him up from school. I ask the teachers is he like this daily and they say no he’s well behaved. So take some time and just know it’s a season and it will get better!
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So many hugs! I only have one and he can be marginally trying and yet my irritation level goes sky high because I know he can be so much better. At bedtime he likes to take forever to be still and let me change him into PJs. What I have done is started to do instead of pleading with him is to sit and be still or just leave. He wants the attention and when he doesn’t get it he cooperates. Also, after PJs comes his next two favorite things- gummy vitamin then teeth brushing and two books at bedtime. Once before I started the be-still-for-my-own-sanity I stomached an epic meltdown when I put my foot down after just one book. He proscrancinated too long and I decided not to reward him by keeping the routine in tact when bedtime got pushed further and further back.
Like you, I fuss at him and basically babble on and on about why we aren’t doing something because of him or how his actions are impacting me like making me late for work. I feel terrible every single time for basically unloading on my child when I am the parent and I make the rules and have the responsibility to enforce them. I’m fussing less now, by making changes that I can control. For instance, I wake up way before LO to get stuff done and account for the fact he needs a 45 min- hour at home to have a smooth morning. I accept a meltdown to course correct for the next day. I broke a bedtime stalling tactic telling me he was still hungry after I tucked him in by 1. making meal time sacred (turn off the TV, eat until your belly is full, then do something else), and 2. Announcing the “kitchen was closed” when he requested more at bed. I also realized part of his bedtime request was to get new bread take a couple bites so it could be old bread to feed to the nearby by birds and ducks.
I’m still a huge fan of discussing next steps with LO so he can accept what’s next especially if it’s not in our normal routine. He’d prefer if we read a couple books every day before walking to school. On days we don’t have time to do that as soon as he wakes up I tell all the things we are going to do and keep that on repeat and prompt with “remember” when we get to the playroom books. He still asks, but better accepts the no.
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@oskarsmommy: wow mama HUGS!! you are dealing with SO much right now.. no wonder you have no patience. Give yourself credit for holding it all together. This too shall pass.. just hang in there and embrace these times for what they are.. down right hard! But you are surviving. You are doing your best and you sound like a warrior to me! Try to give yourself and your boys some leniency .... I know sometimes I have to let myself go--give myself over to the ultimate chaos.. for example if I am trying to get DS to do something and he's running away or he's yelling or whatever.. I give myself over to it.. I run after him and make it a fun time not a time where I am yelling or trying to stop him.. or if he's yelling i'll sing really loud and he'll laugh and laugh.. I try to turn the chaos into something positive.
You're doing awesome!
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I have two boys, 3 and 6, and it is so so so hard.
My biggest advice is to accept your limitations. I know there are moms out there with more patience, who have even more kids, kids with special needs, etc., and can still hold it together and want to spend lots of time with their kids...but that's not me. I love and adore my kids of course, but I really struggle if I have to spend all day with both of them.
So, I work full time and they're in school/aftercare and daycare. For the 2-3 hours a day I'm with them, I try to be present in the moment. But I definitely try to avoid situations where any of us are set up for failure (i.e. restaurants, "relaxing" at home all day - they act way better when we're out of the house/outdoors).
I have some vacation time this summer and will spend some good quality one-on-one time with each kid while the other stays in camp/daycare. It's just way more manageable that way until they get out of this fighting/screaming/deliberately antagonizing each other phase (it better be a phase!).
I've gotten some good tips from How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. And I repeat this mantra in my head all the time: "This too shall pass."
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Oh this sounds so hard. I hope you’ve had a couple better days as the week goes on. I have a very strong willed/challenging four year old and her little sister is starting to show inklings of the same temperament. I’ve been there with feeling burnt out, even under the best of circumstances outside of the parenting issues. We’ve worked with a play therapist/LCSW some. I think it’s helped my daughter some, but it’s been so helpful for me to have a sounding board and to process how I’m handling things.
I also wanted to pass along this resource that I’ve found helpful - it includes podcasts with child therapists on a variety of topics that I’ve found with good reminders when I’m feeling in a slump with my kids. It’s similar to stuff I’ve read elsewhere but there’s something about a quick chance to listen in that helps me not feel so alone in the struggle. The Facebook group associated with the site has also been helpful to not feel quite so alone and connect with parents who get it, and they do a Q&A each week with a child/family therapist where you can ask quick questions. Just thought I’d pass it along in case it helps! Here’s the site: https://parentwithapro.com
I hope you’ve had a couple better days in the meantime this week!!
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@caitcat: thank you!!
I’m sorry. You are an amazing mommy and trying so hard, but I think you might be stuck in some patterns that are making things harder for everyone. When I was finding myself doing too much “lecturing” (of my 3 year old—ha!) I started using a system called 1-2-3 magic. There’s a book or a DVD. I don’t think it’s right for all kids—or all parents—but it really helped us break out of our cycles and my son’s behavior has improved a ton. I got my husband on board right away and we were super consistent about approaching him. We still use it occasionally, but most days find it unnecessary. (He’s also in my preschool class and I can use it at school for just him without interfering with the way the rest of the class works). My 6 year old is and was the “dream child” and my 3 year old is just harder. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing (or not doing), I think it’s just who he is and what he’s working through. I think 123 Magic helped him learn to calm down and think before he acts, and I think it stopped me from doing too much “talking at” him. Anyway, it might be something to look into!
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