My husband just got a new job that will mean he will be gone for 3 weeks at a time on the regular. I SAH and at his previous job, his site would go on lockdown a lot during the fall so he would often leave before we are up and come home directly after the girls go to bed but he is still usually home on weekends. This new job will be all me, all the time. As I've mentioned before, I really struggle to stay on budget/but what we actually need when I grocery shop with the girls so I do generally depend on DH to be home so I can grocery shop but that will obviously not be an option anymore either. He will be home for a week or two after every hitch though. How do you keep sane when your SO is gone? How do you keep sane when your SO is home for a week or two straight and "interrupts" your schedule? Give me ALL your tips!!
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So he will be gone three weeks straight? He doesn't come home for a day or anything? I'm hoping that comes with more money, because I would have to hire a babysitter. Could you have a sitter come for say, 5 hours on the weekend (or any day really) and you could do your shopping then, plus take a little time for yourself? I think that would push me over the edge.
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Oh and is grocery delivery available near you? Even if I have to pay the delivery fee (which I often can find a coupon for anyway) I think I save money doing delivery because I actually concentrate on what we need and can compare prices more easily than in the store. And I'm not distracted by things we don't need.
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I second grocery delivery!
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If grocery delivery isn't available, see if pickup is. You just submit your list online, pick a pickup time, and voila. You don't need to set foot in the car, which is so awesome with young kids.
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@Foodnerd81: yes it will be 3 weeks straight....we don't have delivery but we do have pickup.
I've thought of hiring a sitter. It's going to be a lot and I'm kind of nervous! I'm glad I'm not the only thinking it sounds insane.
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If this were me, I would make a schedule on a calendar. I would map out obligations to see if I had any instances where I needed an extra pair of hands. I would also block out time for things that needed to be done around the house, otherwise the whole time would pass and I would be in the exact same place! Then you'll have some data in order to make future plans and adjustments.
Also, is your older child in preschool?
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1. meal planning/grocery delivery
2. prep everything for the next day the night before. Kids clothes, your clothes, lunches, etc.
3. plan outings for the kids - on the weekends if you WOH, during the week if you're a SAHM. if I don't plan outings when I'm solo parenting the kids and I go stir crazy.
4. don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.GOOD LUCK!
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@looch: she isn't. I was thinking of sending her part time prior to this, now I'm thinking it may be necessary...
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My DH is gone for significant stretches. The last was out of the country for 6 months, home for 1-2 days every once in a while. Next week could be the midwest for 4 days, or it could be the start of M-F on the west coast. The irregularity kills me.
So here's what I do:
1. I get a sitter once a weeks for a few hours in the morning. Even if I don't have anything scheduled, I used her. Grocery shopping, me time, doc appointments, gym, whatever. just SOMETHING kid-freeOR if you'd rather not get a sitter, use the funds to get someone to clean your house once while he is gone. Major stress relief
2. We get out of the house twice a day, no questions. Pre/post nap.
3. Watch all of the trashy TV you want after the kids go to bed. This is the best part of DH being gone; I get to watch whatever I want judgement free.
4. Schedule an "activity" 1-2x/week. That way you have something to plan for/build the week around. It makes the time go by faster.
5. Figure out that grocery pickup. Target also does curbside pickup. WORTH IT.you can do it! It doesn't rank up there on my "favorite things to do list" but its not the worst thing either. I get into a groove and its truly not that bad. And yeah, if you can swing it, maybe look into daycare.
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1. Definitely send the big kid to preschool.
2. Do as much as you can for the next morning the night before (lay out outfits, put your keys and wallet and sunglasses where you can find them, set up the coffee, etc.) Even if you're going to stay at home that day with both girls, just knowing what you are going to eat for breakfast and lunch before going to bed will keep you saner. Frozen mini pancakes, milk, and a banana? Fine.
3. In the morning, take 5 minutes to set up your evening (check the kids' bedding, lay out clean diapers, PJs and sleep sacks, check the water level in the humidifier, etc.)
4. I run laundry every day - its easier to fold and put away small loads every day rather than have a big pile of something once a week. I usually throw a load in the morning after I set up the kids' room for bedtime and dry during the baby's nap. Then I fold during the next nap or after the kids are in bed for the night. Same goes for the dishwasher - I run it every night before I go to bed.
5. I use convenience products liberally. I use Tide Pods, Finish Powerball tablets, Lysol wipes, Windex wipes, Clorox wipes, baby wipes, Boogie Wipes, and hand sanitizer all day long. And I keep a generous stash of paper towels, paper plates and bowls, and plastic utensils in the house for when I just can't deal with dishes.
6. You can have a lot of dry goods delivered to your house from Costco via Google Express. And I believe Sam's Club allows you to shop online and pick up groceries. So it may be worth looking into a club membership like that for bulk purchases. I use subscribe and save on Amazon to have our monthly necessities shipped to the house, like detergent, diapers, wipes, etc.
7. If you need help meal planning, I would look into CookSmarts, which is a menu planning service that sends you a grocery list and recipes and forms its menus in such a way where you reuse ingredients during the week so you're not wasting as much food. Its also much cheaper than a meal kit service. And keep a short permanent list of your perpetuals in your purse to double check while you're at the store. For instance, mine is milk, eggs, coffee creamer, mac n' cheese, yogurt, at least 2 kinds of fruit in season, bananas, spaghetti sauce, ice cream, bread, baby carrots, and frozen veggies.
8. Hire a sitter once a week to do what you need to do. It can be in the evenings after the girls are asleep to do the groceries, or it can be on a weekend morning to have a coffee and zone out at a cafe. We currently have our sitter come Saturday mornings to run our 2 year old around hard at the park and she leaves after his lunch in time for nap. During that time, DS2 has his morning nap and I can get some down time. This ensures DS1 has a solid afternoon nap which gives me a break or gives me time to get stuff done and it helps DS1 to not be a basket case in the afternoon.
9. Dedicate one night to takeout or delivery for dinner. It will give you enough for leftovers and you'll get a mental break from dinner prep.
10. Have a very serious conversation with your husband about what both of you expect to happen when he comes home between trips. If he expects to come home and veg while you expect him to take over, you may have some conflicts. You may need to negotiate in advance things like your need to take a day or two completely off on your own or your need to have at least one special family day together or something like that so both of you know what to expect to happen when you are home.
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I would also look into outsourcing the outside tasks if you can, things like lawn mowing, raking leaves, closing/opening systems, etc, so that when your husband is home, he isn't consumed by having to do those tasks and you don't have to worry about them when he's not around.
Also, security system, do you have something? What about setting up some cameras outside of the house for monitoring purposes?
And one more thing, if preschool turns out not to be an option, I'd get memberships to places around town, children's museum, aquarium, zoo, nature center, etc and make up my own programming.
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These are all great tips. Thanks guys!!
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I know it's easier to shop without DD but I like using it as an activity to get us out of the house. To make my life easier at the store I make a super detailed shopping list in the order I walk through the store - ounces I need, or number of items. That means I'm not walking down any aisles I don't need something from and I am not trying to remember how much of something I need.
If you don't remember the exact order of your store take pictures of the signs next time you are there!
While DH isn't gone for long periods of time he has a very bizarre unpredictable schedule so I get the issue of him interrupting your schedule. I made a rough daily schedule that I keep on the fridge - we try to stick to it as much as possible whether he is home or not. I also keep a cleaning schedule on the fridge. It helps me stay on top of it and DH can't complain that he doesn't know what needs to happen.
I tend to batch cook four meals for the week - we then reheat for lunches and dinners. It means DD and I can be out doing fun stuff right up until meal time.
But my very best tip is to go easy on yourself. Some days DD watches tv for way longer than I like. Sometimes we wander around target two or three times in one week. Sometimes we eat boxed food or frozen food. But it is all okay. She's happy and loved and those little things can keep me sane.
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Not sure of your social/family situation, but I would try to join a MOMS club or something similar so that you have other adults to talk to and activities to do with them/your kids during the week. If you already have SAHM friends that you do this with, great! I'd plan for something 2-3 mornings/week.
If your family is local-ish, I would also try to line up a visit 1-2 weekends a month when your DH is gone. Either they come see you, you go visit them, or maybe in some instances they stay with your kids while you go visit friends. When DH is home, you'll likely just want immediate family time.
Also, instacart/amazon prime/delivery or pick-up system of choice, preschool for the older, and a babysitter 2-3x a week (your choice on time of day, but witching-hour is a great option!) would be no-brainers for me.
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Wow, I don't know that I could handle one stint of this, much less having it be the new norm. Did you guys discuss how this would work ahead of time? Because I have to be honest, this would not be ok with me.
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I don't know where you are, but if you have a local YMCA, join! You can go and drop your kids in the nursery to play for up to two hours while you workout or read or shower or make that detailed grocery list. It's cheaper than a sitter!
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You have gotten great advice so far! My DH is a pilot, and in his new job, he is sometimes home a week and then gone a week, and it changes monthly (yay
).Things I do that help keep my sanity:
#1) LO entered a mommy morning out program 2 days a week. This gave me 3 hours each of those days to grocery shop or schedule appointments. The cost wasn't awful, $125 a month
#2) We have a shared Google calendar on our phone. This way, if I schedule appointments for when DH is home, he can see and plan accordingly, and vice versa.
#3) I have a daily cleaning schedule and keep a daily "to-do" list on the counter. So when DH comes home, he can jump right in and help. And it helps me to prioritize and not feel overwhelmed.
#4) I joined a gym with daycare. Even if I just need a sanity break, I can go and sit in the sauna or get on the treadmill and watch TV for an hour.
#5) I don't know your kids' schedules, but early bedtimes are my life saver. By 7 p.m., this mama is DONE, and LO is in bed. I take an hour to do chores/water plants/etc. and then get 2 hours of me time where I can have a glass of wine and binge watch TV.
3 weeks is no joke and hope the transition smooths out soon!
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So my husband had to deploy for a year and we are 2 months in now. Agree with lots of tips above and will reiterate some that make a big difference for me...
Babysitter - I have mine come and go to
Gym twice a week. It is so nice to have this time just for me.Get out of the house! It helps Break up the day for everyone. The toddler and baby both have days where I can tell just getting out makes a big difference in attitude.
Easy prep dinners- I am still trying to
Figure out the dinner thing. I'm missing the dinners I used to do, but can't quite get it done. A couple times I've tried waiting til baby is asleep but then it's way late for toddler. So I've been relying on some conveince foods like salads in a bag...I also do protein in one big batch for week like grill a bunch of chicken at once and just use it in everything.Pick up house each night after kids are asleep
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There are a lot of great tips here!
DH has been gone four out of the past six weeks and working late when he is home, so here are a few things that keep me sane:
1. A gym with daycare. Sometimes I don't even work out! I just need the break
2. We have dinner with friends at least once a week. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we serve a random buffet of hummus, hard boiled eggs and bagels at home but having another mom to share dinnertime with makes it much more enjoyable!
3. I use grocery shopping as an activity. I have a detailed list that I stick to so we don't linger too long.
4. I try to plan at least one "adventure" for each weekend. We might visit family, have a picnic at a park or just go to a neighboring town's library but it helps mix it up.
5. Early bedtimes. I need those two hours to myself at the end of the day!
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These tips are amazing! Thank y'all so much. I want to write it all down!
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DH is a firefighter and can be home or gone for 3-5 days at a time without a moments notice. So, do as I say, not as I do.
DD1 goes to school part time (I WAH part time so a necessity.) and I call upon my mama to fill in the blanks when DH is working.
Meal plan is so so helpful! When I do this, the week goes SO much smoother!
I also have a variable schedule so I try to keep it consistent with DH so when he's off, I'm off, but with small kids, it is Better for us to keep our routine and he moves into our schedule. We leave room for fun and trips but the girls
And I do better when he's in the loop about how our days run and we keep to it.We have a cleaner every two weeks. I hate cleaning and life is so much better with her. If I could have her weekly, I would!
Schedule your own girls night or time alone while he is gone! And also when he's home so he gets to take ownership of the kids by himself.
Good luck. We're still trying to figure out our routine 1.5 years in but other women have told me that it's an ever changing process!
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These tips are spot on! The only thing I would add (which someone likely said, and I probably just missed) is that whatever your routine is stays the same when DH is home. So, if the sitter comes Wednesday mornings, she still comes when DH is home. If Tuesday is for pizza and extra fun bubble baths, then every Tuesday is that even when DH is home. It will make the transitions back and forth MUCH smoother than having two separate routines.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I feel like I should follow a lot of these tips just for every day life! Even not solo parenting! Actually that's how I always feel about tips from bees like @gingerbebe:
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@junebugsmama: I know! I feel like I should have been doing these things all along!
).
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