Hellobee Boards

@ValentineMommy: I've felt the same way about people having girls. The thing that really changed my feelings about having kids (I didn't used to really want them) was my relationship with my mother. Men in DH's family don't exactly live long, and since my own father died my mom and I have been incredibly close. I really want that!

And out of the 12 or so people we know having/had babies this year, there's been maybe 2 boys. I think the jealousy rages so much less when it's a boy.

@MaryM: Totally agree with everything you just said. I was adopted, and while my son looks SO much like me that it's weird, I want to be able to experience the mother/daughter relationship that my mom and I had. I want that so badly it hurts.

@2PeasinaPod: While I have only had one m/c, and pray so hard that I don't have another, I can not imagine what it would be like to have had my m/c before my son. He is definitely my sunshine as well, and many days the only thing that kept me going and got me out of bed.

Hugs all around today. I'm not sure why I'm so emotional or whatever. I just wish my damn period would get here already so I could stop wondering if my d&e ruined my insides forever. (Yea, I know that's crazy.....but I just can't shake the feeling of wanting to return to my old "normal")

@2PeasinaPod: Oh man, me too. I'm suffering from some pretty bad PPA, which I didn't realize would come on so suddenly, like it did after I had my son. Only it's worse now, with the "unknown" ahead of me.

Right now, I'm sitting here thinking about the weird stomach cramps I'm having. "Is it the start of af? Could I be so lucky? Nah, I'm not lucky. It's prob something bad. Do I somehow now have PCOS or is something else "wrong" with me?".......that's how my head works now. I have this extreme anxiety over my health.....and it's so persistent and nagging. I'm so exhausted of feeling like this.

Edit: I'm failing to keep it together at work right now. Luckily none of my employees have come in yet.

@Jess1483: Hugs, sweetie. I have really bad days too. A few days ago I literally cried on the floor while my DS (toddler) laughed at me. Which only made me cry more. I feel your pain though. Two of my coworkers are preg (one's EDD is my birthday and the other is DS's bday), my hair colorist is due the week after my edd was (and is having a c-sec, so it will prob be right on the date), and 3 close friends are preg. I feel like every day someone else is telling me they're pregnant and I just want to scream and avoid everyone and basically hide until I'm pregnant again. I know that sounds childish or whatever, but I've never wanted to hide for so long in my life! Hugs!!!

@simplyfelicity: best of luck!! Ill miss you !!

@simplyfelicity: you better come back to update us! Or wall me!!

@Jess1483: Big hugs to your husband. Mine doesn't talk about it much, but that's just his way of processing. And hon... I GET IT. My SIL is having her 13 week scan next week (and is due days from when I was) and I'm so excited but also utterly sad and jealous that it's not us too, like it should have been.

@MaryM: I've been on Metformin since 2004. 2000mg daily, maximum dose they'll give out over here. I stayed on it all through pregnancy with my daughter, breastfeeding, etc, and stayed on it through this pregnancy too.. so in this case, it made no difference.

@ValentineMommy: Big hugs. I could have sworn I was having Baby girl #2 as well, so I totally understand the feeling.

@2PeasinaPod: Oh hon. This makes me so sad. xxx

@simplyfelicity: If you want to stay in touch, message me. We can do it outside of HB.

@simplyfelicity: Really? What a waste. How ARE you feeling?

Three weeks, hey? I was wondering when we'd get the all clear again. That and baths. I could LIVE in a hot, hot bath right now.

We have our appt on Monday so I'll ask then. It'll be 2 weeks then. TWO WEEKS? It feels like years.

I saw my GP yesterday (she wanted to follow up with me because I wasn't sleeping last week after the loss and she prescribed some sleeping tablets - all fine now, btw) - things still felt a bit 'heavy' down below, so she did a physical internal, pressed around a bit, and everything seemed ok; no obvious painful spots, just still a bit tender. I wonder what follow up the OB will do, if any.

@simplyfelicity: Are you still bleeding/cramping?

I LOVE Lush! Lush soaks with wine and a good book ... that's what I'll do as soon as I get the all clear.

@Jess1483: @ValentineMommy: Lots of hugs. I'm sorry you're both not having great days.

@simplyfelicity: So glad you decided to stay! I had the same appointment after my last MC. Such a waste.

@jaguar: Lots of luck at your appointment on Monday.

Headed to the RE today at 2:30. I'm fully prepared for lots of testing and questions. Here's hoping that things go ok and we have an action plan once I go for all of the testing she'll inevitably ask for.

@2PeasinaPod: Good luck at your appt!

So...I totally lost it at Target today. I (stupidly) bought diapers when they were on that awesome sale a couple weeks ago. I decided to try to exchange a box for a size that fits my son (we mostly use cloth, which is why I hadn't bought them originally). I went in and there was some trouble (not their fault at all) and I totally lost it thinking these diapers were supposed to be for my baby. The poor kid called his manager over and by this time I was sobbing and felt I had to explain why I was sobbing (I probably should have just let them wonder, but I didn't want the manager to think the kid had done anything wrong). Anyway, they let me exchange the diapers and gave me a $15 gift card, but ugh. I felt so ridiculous. I need to be able to get ahold of myself. I think I pushed some of it aside when I was on vacation (well, I know I did, on purpose), so I feel like I should be doing better a week out, but, well, I'm not.

On a positive (?) note, I'm almost done bleeding, I think, so it doesn't seem like the miscarriage was too traumatic on my body. I'm hoping that's a good sign for TTC.

I'm finding a lot of solace in blogs/stories right now, and this one is in a local magazine that I really liked. http://mamalode.com/story/detail/there-was-another

@Tidybee: Thank you for saying that! I sometimes feel like it wasn't as real as another later term loss, so I really appreciate your comment! That's great that they're going to closely monitor you next time. I pray the next one is sticky!!!

@ValentineMommy: I agree with @Tidybee:

One of the things I loved most about my practice is that from the point of the BFP, they always call it a "baby"

They don't use the terms "chemical pregnancy" or "blighted ovum" or anything other than miscarriage or loss of pregnancy.

It was definitely a baby

@Tidybee: I'm glad your follow up went well. I sure hope you're calling them back soon

@Jess1483: "I feel like there will be no joy in early pregnancy next time, just anxiety." I wonder about this too. But...with my last BFP, I had MAJOR anxiety from the beginning...like I knew something was wrong.

I'm really hoping that maybe when I get KU again, if everything's ok, maybe I'll just know (similar to how I knew something wasn't right)?

@travelgirl1: I have a picture. I don't think we'll show it to anyone, but DH and I have decided against a tree (what if it dies? What if we move?) I think instead we'll create a memory box, and we'll definitely put the picture in there. Maybe someday we will share it with others, maybe we won't.

And thank you. Sometimes we just need permission to grieve.

@MaryM: and @travelgirl1: Thank you so much ladies! Naming the baby somehow gave me some closure. I still feel like crap however. lol

FWIW, I named the baby Cameron. DH and I, when naming DS, didn't want a unisex name, but that is the one name we both liked anyway!

@Jess1483: and @MaryM: "I feel like there will be no joy in early pregnancy next time, just anxiety." I somehow missed that comment, but I feel exactly the same. And MaryM, I also felt extreme anxiety from the beginning of this pregnancy and kept making remarks about losing it. Somehow I knew, and I resented everyone around me when it happened, when they had all been telling me it was in my head. I think, and hope, that when everything's ok that you just know. I really hope so anyway.

@travelgirl1: I think it's totally fine to show your family the picture if they want to see it. I wish I had even seen anything, but they turned the screen away from me every time. That made me feel even worse, like I wasn't allowed to even see my own insides.

@Jess1483: I hope so too! I just went back and re-read my first post the day I got my bfp. Even then I sounded unsure.

@travelgirl1: I thought of you as I had my final ultrasound which confirmed miscarriage. I was wondering if I should ask. The tech snapped a few pics and printed them, so I thought she'd offer them. I just chickened out and didn't ask. I still wonder if I want it. The baby is so engrained in my head that I won't forget what it looks like, but I still see it multiple times during the day and my heart stops each time. Maybe having a photo would get it out of my brain so much. but I think I'd spend hours just staring at the photo and having something tangible could still be just as painful. I just don't know...