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Great article! I think a lot of this applies to anyone who wants to be a good parent. I couldn't be the dad I want to be if I didn't have control over my schedule.

It all depends on what "it all" is...

If we're talking about a high-powered career and adequate family time, in my opinion NO ONE can have it all -- women or men. There are only 24 hours in a day and you can't spend 14 of them working, 8 of them sleeping and still find enough to be like a full-time parent to your child. I do think "having it all" is leftover wishful thinking.

Even if we had amazing family leave policies, for example, there will always be someone without a family or with different priorities who is willing to put in more hours and naturally that person will advance. I accept this as a fact of life. Can I be a successful career person AND mom? Yes, for sure. But will I be a CEO or something like that and still have time to spend several hours a day with my kids? Highly doubtful.

@brownie: No, definitely not. That's exactly what I'm saying. Regardless of your family situation, if you're willing to put in the hours (because of different priorities, or maybe you don't have kids or whatever), you will advance more quickly than someone who works their assigned hours and then goes home and doesn't spend the afternoon checking work e-mail.

(By the way, I think her reasoning about flexible hours/work from home is pretty bogus. If you're at home and working, you're not really spending time with your family!)

If it's not your goal or priority to advance, and pay that price in terms of time/energy spent, then I don't think you'd receive or desire a lot of advancement opportunities!

@Brownie: No, I don't think we should have to take work home. I think this whole idea that you should be "available" 24 hours a day is just not ok. My mom advance to a pretty high position in her company long before smartphones and email and all that other stuff. She was almost always home for dinner and never missed a recital, play, whatever. I think it's possible to be successful and still be a good, active, present parent without having to be accessible 24 hours a day. I notice now that she has a smartphone for work, she isn't always totally present. And my step-dad is OFTEN totally distracted from us. We were on a family vacation in the Caribbean once and he would not get off his blackberry until I threatened to throw it off the boat and make him snorkel for it.

They keep talking here about giving the social workers smartphones and we are vehemently against it. We need to be able to turn off our phones at the end of the day, otherwise you'll have high rates of burnout and turnover. I think that stands true for most people, not just social workers.

I think it really depends on what each person's version of "having it all" is. If someone really values financial success, for example, they're going to be spending a lot more time working than at home. If someone values being home with their kids more than putting in extra hours, they're going to have a harder time moving up the ladder. For me, I try not to judge another person's choice. Even though my career has been affected before by people assuming that I will want to slow down/quit after having a baby due to other women making that choice, they are still entitled to the choice that best represents their values/needs for this point in their lives.

I think that my smartphone has actually made me able to work better and more efficiently, and I think it gives me MUCH greater independence from the office than otherwise. In the past though, I've had to slowly "train" my boss that just because she was calling at 10:00 at night, didn't mean I was going to answer.

I think it's hard because I do want to have a successful career and raise well-adjusted kids - but there is always the chance that my plans will need to change because of a child with a disability, a child who needs lots of help with school, a child with behavioral issues, etc. Who knows. Life is hard to plan for.

One other thing that I hear lots of successful women talk about is how they'll leave the office early to get their kids from school, but then they work from home after the kids are in bed. And I have to wonder how that affects their marriage. Because I really do want it all! The jobs, the kids, and the husband.

I don't know what all of the answers are, but I do think that making school schedules more reflective of work schedules is a badly-needed start. Especially since research shows that kids forget a lot of what they learned over the summer. Seems like that would be one reform that would solve a lot of problems.

@beka: haha thanks. I didn't feel like I was expressing myself very well... it's such a complex topic. So I'm glad at least one person found me comprehensible

@sloaneandpuffy: I totally agree. I like my career field, but I have come to terms with the fact that there are certain roles I will never have because I am not willing to put in the time and/or travel and/or other intangibles that would be required (either now or in the future) to make me equally competitive for the position, and I'm ok with that.