My in laws and I have never really had a great relationship. When DH and I got married things got even worse. I wanted a simple DIY wedding and they wanted our wedding to be a fancy affair. DH and I refused their offer to pay and did things our way. My husband and I live much differently than they do. We're very budget conscious and farm. They live in one of the most upscale suburbs in our area and have a "keeping up with the Joneses type mindset. Now that DS is here we can't do anything right with our parenting decisions. Things just keep getting worse! DH does stand up to them but also cares about his family and doesn't want to hurt their feelings. If it were up to me I just wouldn't see them anymore, but I would never keep my husband from his family so I just grin and bare it while secretly hating every moment! I guess I just wanted to vent some. How do you deal with annoying and rude in-laws that try to run your life?
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Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't love my in-laws either but I pretty much ignore them when they try to tell us what to do. I'll say yes to my MIL's face but won't actually take any of her advice. Over the years I've learned that that's the best way to deal with her but obviously everyone is different. At least your DH stands up to them, I think that's so important!
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I'm sorry you're having in-law trouble, that's no fun! I'm having to learn to have a thicker skin with all the advice my MIL offers--most of it I'm just not interested in and I get so tired of having to listen. Maybe you'll get used to it as time goes on? I hope we all do!
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There is nothing worse than inlaw tension. My motto in situations like that to be stupid and cheerful.
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Ugh, sometimes in-laws can be the WORST! I really like my in-laws, but sometimes they can be sooooooo opinionated about things!
My method of dealing with them is just smile, listen to their advice, pretend I agree (or at least am considering their point), and then ignore them! We're lucky that we don't see them all that often, so I don't have to put on a show too much, but whenever we do see them, I just pretend that I think their advice is gold, even when I'm secretly thinking "Yeah, I'm NEVER doing that!"
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Mine were annoying me all weekend. Not with baby advice, just annoy me in general. The worse was my SIL, told me a couple times that the baby needed to wake up. Um, she is in my belly, why does she need to wake up and kick me, not like you can play with her!!! So weird. She also calls her baby, her princess, annoys me to no end. I was so glad to leave yesterday.
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@Smurfette: I can sympathize! I was so glad when the holiday festivities were over! My SIL was irritated that my husband wasn't at the table when dinner started because DS needed to go down for a nap. She was complaining that their traditions weren't being kept up. Sorry, our son doesn't come with a schedule that we can program to your liking! My BIL tried to hold our 10 week old son while sick ( I did make a comment about this, whooping cough is going around our area and I refuse to take chances just to avoid hurting someones feelings). We also had my MIL say that a health problem my husband has is from the hormones in our beef (we pasture raise our own beef and butcher it- 100% Guaranteed organic with NO hormones!). My FIL insisted that DS's swing was going way to fast to be safe (pretty sure the company tests that kind of stuff....). Ugh, it was a long weekend and I'm still fuming from some of the comments....
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My ILS have big mouths. My BIL (DH's brother) & SIL have a 2 year-old and have decided that they are experts in everything related to children. They have decided to tell us everything that we are going to do even though they live a drastically different lifestyle from us (we both work and live in an urban area in a small-ish apartment; the opposite for them). I've realized that my BIL is borderline insufferable half the time. At one point, I just started to ignore him. I was happy when they left.
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I have a lot of issues with my in-laws as well. My MIL is an unmedicated bipolar and tries to bully everyone in the family. I am still learning how to cope with her but I have found that sucking up my pride and putting on a (pretend) happy face seems to help. When she gets verbally abusive I stand my ground but otherwise I do what I can to avoid confrontation.
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@prettylizy: LOL That's a great motto. I'm going to have to try out.
@Beyond2: For some reason, bringing a child into your relationship seems to bring tension with in-laws. I have had a very rocky relationship with my in-laws since DD was born. I've heard it gets better when the children get older, so I'm holding on to that hope.
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@BabyBoecksMom: It works more often than you can imagine.
Oh, you put cornsuryp in their bottles to make them eat more? That's so clever, I'll have to remember that next time.
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@prettylizy: I think I love you.
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@prettylizy:
I have been agreeing with MIL about everything lately and things have definitely improved!
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@Beyond2: I feel the same way about my MIL. I can tolerate her for about 8 hours and then I'm done. She's so opinionated and doesn't have a filter. She thinks she's an expert on everything and she talks non-stop (seriously, even when she's eating. ugh!). After she left the last time, I'd finally had enough and just went off in an email. Things have been kind of tense ever since, but it's better than her walking all over me and DH in our own house.
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@mrs. wagon: lol!!! I have that affect on people
@autumnlove: amazing right? My biggest problem is that I have an insatiable need to be right all the time that I have to keep in check when I want to say "nanner nanner boo boo I'm right and you're not" to people.
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I'm with @prettylizy: I play the Smile & Nod card, too. DH & I decided that we just didn't feel comfortable plastering our son's face all over the Internet & we wanted to be more selective/mindful of DS's Internet footprint. So we asked family not to post pictures of our kid on facebook without asking us first. MIL's response? "I'll try..."
I knew she'd respond like that! She pretty much always does whatever she wants, unless told not to specifically, & then tries to make people feel guilty. Luckily, DH is the driving force behind this Internet thing, so he can deal with her.
Why are mothers (my mom can be a coconut, too) so crazy? I need to videotape myself promising not to act bananas toward my children when they're adults!
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@BabyBoecksMom: This is exactly what happened with the inlaws (specifically mine, not my parents to my husband). I've never had a great relationship with my MIL, but it was only made worse when I was on maternity leave. They visited and created so much drama on the first visit, they were more exhausting than caring for a newborn.
My MIL visited by herself later in my maternity leave which wrecked total havoc on our marriage. She stayed for a week. By the third day, all hell had broken loose when she called me an "immature bitch" to my face. Keep in mind, I was still caring for my son at this point and didn't want to deal with some outlying issues I had with her. I felt totally ganged up on by my husband and her at the time. I almost left my marriage I was so miserable. No one gave a damn about me at the time or any consideration to the fact that I was nursing and caring for a baby while she was spouting her dramatic crap.
After she left, we went into marriage counseling to hash out issues related to the events of that week. We're still working on our marriage and feelings around that visit. Whatever feelings I had about her are solidified after what she did and said that trip. She's no longer welcome to stay with us for a visit. She stayed as we were transitioning the baby to the nursery, but bumped it back a week since our daybed is in there.
So, bringing a baby into our family definitely made the inlaw tension worse. It amplified how much she doesn't respect our marriage, our home, myself, and my husband. That week was the toughest test to our marriage.
I have been agreeing with MIL about everything lately and things have definitely improved!
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