When we were a married couple with no kids, it didn't bother us to hit up multiple family celebrations in a day. But now that we have kids, by the time we get to the second location we have crabby kids who are off of their nap schedule and it's more work than it is enjoyment. We've decided that we go to his family one year and mine the next. This has worked great until this year. This year we have one side throwing a fit because MIL is hosting and she thinks we need to be there even though it is my family's year. DH thinks we should do both again but I do not. I'm sticking to my guns and saying we will spend it with my family. Am I in the wrong?
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@LuLu Mom: oh man, when I see posts like this I am so glad both of our families are spread out the US - we never have these issues - its visit 1 house or stay home!
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Nope, you're definitely not in the wrong. If you have a set schedule for celebrating with your families, stick with it. We do the same thing with Christmas and Thanksgiving (alternate). The only times we're willing to see both families on the same day is if we're hosting!
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If your families are close in proximity, I might try to stop in at the IL's for dessert. However, we recently decided that we were done bending for everyone else, when it comes to holidays. We follow through with our original plans, and offer to stop in if and only if we have the flexibility for it. It's important to me that our children remember holidays as something more than sitting in a vehicle for hours.
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You are not in the wrong. Even when we were childless I did not like the Tour de holidays. The only time I will do more than one thing is Christmas since it is my Grandmas and MILs birthday.
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If I were in your position, I would ask my family how they felt about it. My family tends to be pretty laid back about holidays while my in-laws are bit more intense. If it was going to piss off my side too, I would just stick to the schedule.
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I don't understand why this year would be an exception - just because your husband's mother is hosting? I think if you start messing with your schedule it'll be a slippery slope - for the next holiday they'll go "Well, you did both at Easter and it was fine!" I would say that maybe, if both you and your family are ok with it, you could trade - you'll to go his family for Easter this year but you're doing Thanksgiving with your family again instead - but don't try to do both just because they're putting up a fuss.
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Boundaries! You already had plans to *only* go to your families gather this year, you should stick to it. If you give in this time your MIL knows she can try to convince you next year and the year after that and it will be an endless cycle. You need to put your foot down now and let her know that your family had a plan and you are sticking to it.
If you want to be nice maybe suggest going the day before or the day after.
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I don't think you're in the wrong. We tried to do the multiple family thing the first year that we had LO and it sucked. These days we usually do DH's family on one day of the weekend and mine on the other. So only one family gets the actual holiday but both sides get to see us and LO that weekend. DH and I try to keep it fair and luckily no one in our families ever puts up a stink about which day they get.
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I think you should stick to your plan to show that you are serious about it. However, if there is a compelling reason to switch it up and you and your husband agree, I think it's nice to be flexible. The key is the reason has to be compelling for you, not based on fits by other family members!
We do this for Thanksgiving and I skipped my family's year last year because my husband wanted to go to his uncle's house, the uncle had been struggling with his health the previous year, some of the family had never met our 2 year old, I forget if there were other reasons but I thought it was fine to switch.
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I think if you already have a set schedule in place then you need to stick to it except for extenuating circumstances!
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Set the schedule and hold firm mama!
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My sil tries to split holidays with her parents (my in laws) and her husband's parents and it's a pain. Mainly because everyone else schedule has to follow theirs so they have time for both. So we wind up having to eat early or late so they have time to visit another house as well.
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@gingerbebe: Agreed!
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13 comments