I'm not ready to sleep train yet, but pacing up and down the living room and wearing out the five million different ways of rocking a baby was just exhausting to do every night. So, now, if A starts crying when it's bedtime, as long as she's changed and fed, I just sit with her in my arms, talking to her and holding her close, but letting her cry. I know that if I comfort her too much she'll stop crying but still not sleep, and usually sleep will follow the cry so as sad as it is, it's like she has to do it? I guess it's a type of CIO. Is this a mean thing to do at 16 weeks even though I'm still holding her? Seriously, all that walking and rocking just had to stop! It's not like this every night - maybe every other night or every three nights...
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IMO what you're doing isn't CIO, but 16wks is not too early to try to get LO to sleep on her own and not in your arms.
What's your setup? Does she have a swing or rock n play? Will she fall asleep in her car seat or stroller? I'm not a sleep expert but I'd try to make sure LO doesn't associate sleep with mom,
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The part of CIO that I find hideous and unacceptable is the leaving a child to cry alone. A child crying in your arms is mad, irritated, pissed off that they're not getting whatever they want. But they are not cold and alone and afraid. My daughter has been night weaned since 13 months, and she sometimes cries and asks for me when my husband goes into her room. And I don't like it, but I don't think that level of upset is on any kind of level with a child crying alone in terror.
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Some babies do need the crying to wind down before bed as a form of tension release! I'm sure LO will soon get used to being stationary rather than rocked to sleep
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i don't think 16 weeks is too young. my LO cries before falling asleep for her nap in her crib, its her way of letting out some tension and winding down. she always wakes up happy. if she's in your arms and you know she is clean, fed, not in pain, etc...then she might just be crying to relieve tension and wind down.
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I agree with MrsMate, that's not CIO. 16 weeks is not too early to sleep train either, I believe the recommended window is between 4 and 6 months. Some babies do cry to relieve tension to fall asleep, my daughter is one of them. I read a pretty good article about it.
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html
@sarac: Honestly, you may disagree with it but calling it "hideous and unacceptable" is ridiculous, especially since you must be well aware that may women here have done it or at least tried it. Different things work for different families and being THAT judgemental is, IMO, hideous and unacceptable.
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Different things do work for different people, but my feelings about it remain unchanged. Lots of people seem to be ok with it, so my viewpoint is only one of many.
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@mrsmate: She hates the swing and we don't have a pnp. She wears a harness for hip dysplasia so can't fit in a stroller or car seat so we're up against a few other hurdles really, it would be the crib or nothing!
Thanks everyone. I know 16 weeks isn't too early to sleep train, and two doctors told me CIO out might be a good idea for her soon, it's just personally I'm not ready for it. I know I might have to do it if it gets to the point where her general health/happiness is affected by lack of sleep, but we're not there yet. She's a very happy little girl, she just likes to push her luck at bedtime : )
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@sarac: Yes, but your wording leaves much to be desired. You could say what you think without being rude and judgmental.
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@travelgirl1 i started cio around 5 mos. my pediatrician told me to start at 4 mos but like you, i was just not ready. you have to do what you feel is right and until you are ready you won't be able to, as it is SO hard! just keep doing what you need to do to get LO asleep and give you peace of mind.
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@sarac: Please keep our community guidelines around civility in mind! Lots and lots of parents disagree with CIO (and vice versa)... we all coexist here because of civility.
Thanks!
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We haven't needed to sleep train yet but I did read a book by The Sleep Lady and her method (the "Sleep Lady Shuffle") is basically controlled crying while you're in the room right next to the crib, so they know you're still there for them but learn that they have to put themselves to sleep. You might give it a go - kind of a more gentle method than straight CIO but she still learns to go to sleep in her crib and not in your arms. More here:
http://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/kids-sleeping/good-night-sleep-lady-shuffle.html -
We've done the put in crib and pat, rub, jiggle, sing, etc to fall asleep. Sometimes we still have to pick them back up after awhile if they are still worked up, but for us, it helped them make the 'fall asleep in crib' association. It was more effective than cio for my kids. Just another idea. Good luck!
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