Do you feel like you have close friends? I'm realizing more and more that I don't. I'm involved in our church, I regularly attend the same hike it baby every week, we go to the same library storyline weekly and nothing. I have one or two friends with whom I really struggle to find a time when our schedules match up nd that's it. I'm starting to feel pretty lonely. Am I the only one?
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I have a few good mom friends, and we will go out without the kids and stuff. But, I don't think that I have many really good 'best friend' types. My sisters are my best friends really. It makes me sad to think about sometimes, I really need to be better at forming stronger, longer lasting friendships.
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@MrsB2012: I still talk with my best friend from high school but she works and I don't. So she's pretty busy, I don't want to seem needy so I struggle to reach out to others because I feel like I'm being annoying and she's meeting new people at work and I feel like I'm just sitting here like "really? Not a single person I've met is interested in being friends?" Haha maybe I'm being dramatic but I'm really feeling it this evening!
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All my closest friends now live far away. I'm introverted so it usually isn't to tough, but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to just hangout with.
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All my college friends live over an hour away and don't have kids, over the years the distance and our having kids has strained our relationships:(
My DH and I both need friends so terribly:(
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@MrsBeluga: my poor DH struggles even more than I do. It's hard!
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I don't have any close friends where we are. I haven't found anyone that I really click with. It would be great to find friends who are honest, kind, sincere, without much drama. I'm in the SF bay area if anyone is interested!
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My only friend is a retired lady who I see about every 3 months. We used to work together.
I struggle to make friends. Really my two sisters and one of my cousins are my only good friends but we live far from them and only see them a couple times a year.
DH has a few friends but I haven't clicked with their wives.
Making friends as a adult is hard.
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I don't have any close local friends. I'm really close with SIL. She's been like my BFF for a few year now but she and my brother just decided to divorce so back down to none. I'm planning to work on making myself more open to friendships. I just don't know how to do it.
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I've really clicked with two women in my town in my MOPS group in the last months. Last year I did not at all and I was in it for a year.
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I have a few close friends. The three that I consider my best friends I have known since elementary, high school and college. They all live across the ocean from me though. I have developed a few really strong friendships with some women in our current city, but it's not the same level of closeness as my "old" friends.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I really struggle with this! On one hand, I am kinda introverted and independent so I love alone time, and after having a toddler, that obviously doesnt happen. But for most of my life, that is growing up and in college, I had super close friendships. No one lives near me anymore, and all of the women I was initially really close with at work either moved on or are in different life places than I am. So tough!! I try to put myself out there and be brave about meeting people at parks and play spaces, but the people I have met also don't plan to live in the area long term. So, the saga continues.
@Corduroy: I just wanted to say that sucks and I am really sorry for the loss of your friend in your brother's divorce. @Pumpkin Pie: HI! I live in the east bay. Have we connected on a thread before? Where are you?
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I'm struggling with this, even though I do have a lot of friends and several friends I was once very close to.... one, my best friend, even has a child the same age as my oldest. Its just impossible to have any kind of grown up relationships when you have children. I barely see my friends and, when I do, I spend the whole time chasing E about or she interrupts constantly and I don't get to talk to them at all. When I meet up with the friend with a child the same age as E, they just constantly hit and push each other and we spend the whole time playing referee. It seems every time we try to plan to meet up after the kids are in bed, one of them gets sick and now my BFF's pregnant again and suffering from awful sickness. I completely understand, of course. I've got a new mum friend who I meet up with weekly with the baby, while E is in nursery, but her toddler is very intense and, again, we barely get to exchange two words.
I'm the loneliest and most unhappy I have ever been in my entire life.
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My best friend is moving this week and it's just hitting me how lonely I'm l going to be now
I do have close friends but they all live out of town
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@Cherrybee: I'm sorry to hear that. I agree tha it's not that I don't have friends, per se, it's iust that we are never able to spend time together. Even texting is hard when you're busy.
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It took me awhile and really putting myself out there to find some close friends- not just surface "we hang out at church" type friends.
One of the biggest things was just put myself out there and start attending events or get togethers even if there wasn't anyone I knew. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I've met some amazing ladies and started to focus on some of the individual relationships.
Also, going to nursing school helped. I have one really close single mama friend and our kids love to play together even though they're four years apart.
The majority of my closest friends are actually childless, as funny as that sounds. And many of them love and invest in my kid as they do in me.I guess I just don't usually connect with moms in the same way I do other ladies. But I'm fine with that because I do feel content with the number of close friends I have and amount of adult interaction I get. But it hasn't always been this way and took awhile to get here. When I first had my son, I was so isolated and so lonely. But I also never tried to meet people, I didn't push myself to go places or introduce myself to others. I do now, and it's changed things for me.
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None nearby enough so that I see them often. I have a large, very close-knit group of friends from college, but the ones that have families live far away and the ones that live sort of nearby are still single and/or don't have kids, which makes it tough to get together too often now that I have a family.
I've been trying to make more local mom friends but I've been having a tough time. I had a couple friends from LO's daycare but one already moved away and the other is moving soon. Everyone is jumping ship for the suburbs. Since DH and I will probably move as well in a year or two, I feel like I have less incentive to try hard to make mom friends around here at this point.
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@Cherrybee: that sounds really tough. I hate it when I get together with my friends and all we do the whole time is mediate playing. I can't have a full conversation or barely even think when my toddler is around. My DH can tune him out but i just can't.
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I had close friends in college but they all moved far away and I had kids (and they didn't) so now we don't really communicate and I started over. I used to be close with my brother but the same thing happened. I have some close friends now from church but I often feel like the odd ball because I work PT and they don't. I've learned that I'm terrible at long distance relationships and that I am bad at investing in many people at a time, so I choose one or two relationships and just stick those.
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Hugs to everyone who feels lonely, I commiserate! My good friends who I text with, whom I've known a long time, and really feel close to happen to live in hundreds or thousands of miles away, same as my brother and close cousins who I consider friends.
We've made some good couple friends where we live, but many of them have moved away (life in academia). One couple we are friends with, who have kids close in age to LO, don't seen to want to hang out much, they're usually doing things with family etc.
Sighhhhh. I feel really lonely, and in addition I feel guilty because I feel like I'm depriving my son of an extended support system.
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I have close friends, but no "best friends". Aside from my husband,
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@MoonMoon: I don't even have people I regularly text with! I go whole days where my only person I talk to is DH and he is usually just asking me if I'm partying all day because apparently it's funny to him lol
I just feel really isolated. I feel like I try hard to reach out but I guess not hard enough because I only have surface friendships.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I understand that feeling of frustration! And it's harder with kids, because I feel like I can only become friends with someone new if our kids get along!
I've just started going back to school, so I'm hopeful that that might be an opportunity to find some new friends.
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@Mrs. Pen: I think you nailed it - the first step is to put yourself out there and make an effort. So glad it's worked out for you
I know every situation is different and it can definitely be harder for some to find and develop new lasting friendships but I think if you put in the time and effort that it usually does pay off. It's not instantaneous or easy - you have to invest in others to develop a meaningful connection. We're all busy and it's hard to stay close to existing friends and it can be hard to make new friends.
I know for myself I put myself out there a lot when LO was a baby to build a community of local friends in a similar life stage. My childhood best friends live farther away, have gone back to work, and have kids a lot older so it's hard to see them often. So I made friends with other moms/dads at the park, pool, ballet, play gym, library story time, etc. There are about 8 of us who got together several times a week for play dates when our kids were little and now it's been 2-3 years of friendship and now several of us do family dinners, summer BBQs, vacations, date nights, and a weekend getaway for just moms. It took time and effort for sure but the payoff is a community of friends going through the same parenting struggles and life stage.
So many people I know say they're too busy to make new friends but then feel like they are missing out or feel isolated when life slows down. I know it's not always easy but if you take the time and invest in others, I think the payoff is so worth it in the long run
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@sandy: I think I'm just too worried of being rejected or something. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I put in the effort but on the other hand I'm not attempting to set up play dates often or anything. I still have work to do myself. I guess I'm more lamenting the failed efforts to maintain my current/past friendships. I tried really hard with those but I don't feel the effort has been reciprocated. That's life though and I should turn my energy away from pity parties
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@junebugsmama: Not sure if we have connected before on a different thread, but I'm in the south bay - still a bit far from east bay, eh.
I work full time, and am pretty busy, but I still want friends! It has been hard for me to find people that I connect with, not sure if its me or them, but everyone seems nice on the surface, but distant. I'm still trying to put myself out there more (whenever I can).
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This pretty much describes me. I had a close knit group of friends from college, but they all live on the opposite side of the country now. I do make an effort to see them as much as possible, and when I see them it's great, but I hardly ever see them. None of us are good at staying in touch via email or Skype. My family also lives far away.
I have tried to put myself out there, but obviously haven't done a good enough job. The city we live in is pretty transient, so it can be sad to see new friend after friend move away. We likely won't be here long-run either. I found that it was actually easier to meet single friends, as they tend to have the most time for friendships and demographically the population where we're at is all pretty young (we haven't made the move to the burbs yet), but then they start talking about their match.com profiles or whatever and I really struggle to relate.
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I'm sorry you're all struggling with this. I guess it comes with growing and changing sometimes, but it's still sad. I've never needed my friends more, but I've lost my last two close friends the year my second kid was born. DH struggles too. He's much better about keeping in touch with people, but his closest friends live so far away. Maybe things will change and some of these people will come back into our lives years later. I hope so. After all, I think when people get older and aren't so consumed with raising kids, they have more time and more need for friends. Good luck to everyone dealing with this, I hope things look better in time.
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Yes but I don't see most of them! My best friend, she lives/works totally opposite of where I am, is single, no kids, so our schedules/lives cannot be more different. But we text pretty much everyday and that has worked for our friendship!
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I'm the only one of my close friends with children so that presents it's own challenges..
We also live on a farm so that suffers some logistical hurdles, but I try to keep meeting people and initiate conversations as much as possible. I'm pretty discouraged right now as people keep blowing me off but it's part of the life stage I suppose. -
@Mrs. Sunshine: I feel like this with a lot of my friends, that I put in all the effort and it isn't reciprocated. With several of my friends I feel like if I stopped trying to maintain the relationship we'd stop being friends. I've come to terms with that, though, because I still want to be friends with them so I figure if I'm doing all the reaching out so be it, because we have fun together regardless of who set it up.
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I'm extremely lucky to have a great core group of friends. We text/email daily and get together once a month (might not be all 5 of us at once, but we try as a couple live 1-3 hours away.) For me, my friends are my sanity and that is so needed.
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I've got really 3 good friends. One of whom I met when our daughters were 8 months old in music class, one who I used to work with, also has child same age and attended same music class. We text daily, see each other about once a week usually with kids (music class). And my BFF just moved back to town last year, we text daily and see each other regularly. Sometimes we have girls night where all of the above come.
I feel very lucky to have my tribe. I try to make our relationships a priority, even just checking in daily.
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@LulaBee: so maybe this is a strange question but what do y'all say when you check in with each other? That's where I struggle is the check in. Like I feel like I'm bothering her (her being my best friend since 3rd grade whom I adore but we are struggling on both sides with keeping up with each other). I just don't know what to say sometimes! Ha!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: well, they're both pregnant so checking on that. Checking on things happening in our lives. Commiserating about things. Just... Being friendly I guess? I'll ignore group texts if I'm busy but we basically text all day. We may be odd, though. I don't worry about bothering them, I worry if I don't hear from them!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: My group texts with my friends are serious stream of consciousness. Cute stuff the kids did, funny things or annoying things our husbands said, venting about work, politics, current events, etc. You name it, we talk about it.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: with my friends it depends. We might send each other funny links or something funny that happened at work or with the kids. If their kids are older, I might ask for advice. Sometimes we vent. Sometimes we talk about food or TV shows. Sometimes it's fun if you're reading the same books, like the same blogs, or watch the same TV shows at the same time because you can talk about that. Sometimes I just text and say "how's your Monday going?" or check in along those lines.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Usually when I email a friend it's because I've thought about putting something on social media and then thought "who would REALLY care about this?" and then sent it to that friend.
I have two friends that I email with regularly. A lot of times it's just sort of "what's up in your life/how much does work suck/what are you up to" type things. But these are also long distance friends that I don't get to see regularly, so it's the only way we keep up.
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@MaryM: I do that with the previously mentioned friend (she has one year old and is a nurse). She basically updates me on their latest illness and then that's it lol which is fine, I genuinely care about how her entire family is doing on every level, it just rarely leads to messages that are more than 3 texts long and I sometimes just wish there was more time to text/things to say, if that makes sense.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Maybe that's why I prefer email than text?
It isn't as immediate a source of gratification, but I feel like we're more likely to answer emails when we're sitting at a computer (because it's easier) and have longer more drawn out conversations.
I do have close friends but they all live out of town
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