So I read this article yesterday and it rang true for me since this is my 2nd pregnancy and I am showing a lot more and a lot sooner. For some reason this time around I am more sensitive to comments about my pregnancy body. Anyone else feel like this?
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I loved that article. I am an introvert and I'm also very sensitive, and comments on my body and the unwanted touching would leave me in years when I was pregnant with my son. I was SO uncomfortable.
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Through 2 pregnancies, not a single stranger tried to touch me, and only once did I get a comment, which was "your bump is so cute!" My family and friends said nice things and that was it. I thought maybe people were starting to learn not to say anything about women's bodies in general, especially if that woman is a stranger, because of my own experience, but maybe not. I would be extremely upset and uncomfortable if a stranger tried to touch or comment on my body- pregnant or otherwise.
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I've found so far that the majority of people are really nice but at a party recently with DH's extended family I got it all! Totally ridiculous because yes my bump is quite big but im tall and it is all in the front so you can't even notice really unless I'm side on. I do not look like I am due next week, or like there is more than one in there thank you very much!
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Great article! While many people were sweet and said things like a simple "you look great," I could have done without the belly touching and what I deemed as rude comments. My personal favorites were that I was "going to have a big a** baby (based on my size at that point) and when certain people pointed out how much bigger I was with my second baby. I was shocked at certain in-laws who felt the need to discuss my size constantly.
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Just shared this article on my FB, so thanks for sharing it!
This article has rang sooooooooo true for me, especially this pregnancy. I popped so early this time and I'm apparently huge at this point in my pregnancy. Sooooooooo many people ask me when I'm due and then are appalled/shocked/horrified when I tell them it's in December. And then I get sooooo many comments about it being twins or how I'll never make it that long! It's so frustrating and hurtful!
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Honestly, I thought I would feel more closed up/offended by people approaching me and talking to me. But strangly I don't mind. I've had a couple surprise belly pats (one from the gal giving me a pedicure and a server in Mexico last week). I did not care, I thought it was sweet. So while I certainly do not think it is right, it is common. I'm only 20 weeks so there is a lot more to come.
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Some of these things sound horrible to say but I can't figure out why it's rude to ask someone when they are due. If it is rude...oops! I asked a coworker last week. I didn't respond in an offensive way, I just said "that's exciting! Congratulations! "
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I've only gotten one comment so far, from one of my female bosses. At 14 weeks she said "You're carrying in front, so that means a boy." I actually was just extremely amused - I was like, my baby is the size of a lemon right now; I'm not CARRYING anywhere. This is just bloat. I laughed about it with friends but I think any more comments like that from others might piss me off.
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Love this! I feel like this all the time. I work at a restaurant so I come into contact with hundreds of people a night. Most of the people who I talk to ask about my baby, "when are you due?" "You're so small!" Or "you're so big already!" It's so insensitive and asking personal questions is only for their own selfish gratification! I really want to say "None of your business! Leave me alone!" And it really makes me hope I never said anything like that to another pregnant woman before!
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@simplyfelicity: I think the "when are you due" question is just bad because it's often followed up with a comment on size. I wouldn't mind if someone asked me when I was due if they didn't immediately look horrified afterwards!!
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It's the worst. I'm almost 11 weeks and got my first "is it twins? Are you sure?!? You're showing so much"
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@blackbird: Ugh, I'm sorry! When I was 11 weeks, a coworker asked me when I was due and I told her I hadn't announced at work yet and she looked at my stomach and something like "You can't keep it a secret!"
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@Adira: yeah I had a female coworker call me out on it today too! There are only 4 women of childbearing age and only two are married (me and her) but she's keepjng quiet
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I am also 5'0"and I went through the same comments, to be fair my baby was huge but it was pretty annoying when I would go out months before she was due and people would yell across stores or parking lots saying "wow you're huge, we're you due yesterday?!" "are they sure it isn't twins? My wife was smaller than you when she had twins" "you're going to birth a toddler!" etc. Honestly the comments didn't make me feel bad about myself, I know my belly was big and I was proud of my little girl growing in there. What annoyed me was more how rude it was to be yelled to from across a store by a stranger every time I went out. Similar comments from friends and family didn't really bother me. I think the author of this article should focus on ways to improve her own self esteem and thicken her skin because that is something she can actually work to control, unlike the actions of other people. Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent.
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I don't get how people don't know to keep their mouths shut! When I was in the last weeks of pregnancy, I repeatedly had people comment that I didn't look that close to my due date - which put me into secret tears because I was being monitored because the baby was measuring small for size and I was worried sick he would be born 4lbs (he wasn't). You never know what's going on with a pregnancy, so just mind your own business!
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It can go either way with the comments. With my first, I'd get comments on how small I was. Like, "wow, you're 20 weeks?? You're so small!" like something was wrong with me or the baby. On the other hand, my childless female boss started saying "wow you're gonna pop any day now!" at about 6 months.
You would never comment on someone's size when they're not pregnant, so I don't see why it's okay to comment when they are pregnant.
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I think I'm a weirdo- it doesn't bother me when people talk about how huge my belly is or how the baby must be about to come out any day now (except for when I was overdue, but at that point I just wanted to kill everyone). If someone said my face was really fat or that my extra chins were looking good, that would bother me, but I am comfortable with my belly getting huge and the rest of me softening up a little.
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It only annoys me/somewhat creeps me out when DH's grandpa says I'm "getting big." First of all, no I'm not. Secondly, that is just such an awkward way to put it. And third, I think it's a lot worse when a man makes any comments about a pregnant woman than when women do it. I haven't gotten any bad comments from women, just the "ready to pop!" variety with LO#1, but I do think men should steer WAYYY clear of appearance comments (at all times, but especially with pregnancy). DH grandpa is super old and doesn't mean any harm, but c'mon. "Big" is probably a phrase most women don't want to hear.
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@blackbird: That's good she's keeping quiet!! My coworker did too, but every time she saw me in the bathroom, she'd say something about it!
@BeachMama: One of my friends is pregnant with her first and her belly is taking forever to pop and people keep commenting on how tiny she is and asking her if she's feeding the baby at all. She's really self-conscious about it and it makes her feel bad. So it definitely can be on both ends of the spectrum!
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@fairy: For me, personally, this is my 4th pregnancy. So yeah, I pop quite a bit. And I don't particularly love being reminded of that by others when they mention my size. I'm not insecure about it, but it's a sensitive subject for obvious reasons. If an obese person was constantly being told "wow you're so big!" We would immediately think that was wrong, so I don't understand the double standard that pregnant women should just deal.
I don't think comments like these are, at all, bothersome because of insecurity but because they are rude and tactless, period. Most of the time, I am taken aback because of how inappropriate I think the comment is!
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@blackbird: Yeah, I think maybe we should work on educating society how it's not ok to be an asshole rather than developing thick skin.
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@Boheme: we better get on it. It's a big world and there are so many assholes lol
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I've gotten some comments, but no obviously hurtful ones. Mostly I get "you're so small!" comments but it's clear that it's meant as a compliment and not as a "your baby must not be growing right" kind of comment. I pretty much always just thank them and roll my eyes internally, though, especially since a lot of the comments come from women who don't have kids or men, and I just don't think they know what they're talking about at all.
I do get a little offended when a co-worker who does have an (elementary-aged) child comments on my size or my choice of clothing or food or something as if I'm hurting my son... because I'm not.
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Mostly I don't think people mean it, or I guess they don't know what to say or comment on so they comment on the obvious... I def get annoyed but I let it go, thinking about how I had probably done that to someone else when I was naive about it!
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Educating society is fine too, but we have to realize that we are in charge of our emotions as well and it would be more immediate help to try and help ourselves rather than wait for all these "things not to say to pregnant women" lists to circulate long enough that it becomes second nature to everyone and common knowledge. We cannot really control what strangers might say to us, even with the education out there. Like I said, I thought it was very rude, but that doesn't mean I have to let the comments hurt me personally like so many people say happened to them. Internal vs external locus of control.
I'm not saying at all that people should just deal and that there should be noone spealing up about how rude it is, just saying it would help for folks to put a focus on improving their own self esteem and developing an internal locus of control. Similar to crime, you wouldn't want to just advocate against being a criminal and not teach people self defense.
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I'm not pregnant (nor have I ever made it to the showing stage), but I would never say anything to a pregnant woman about how she looks other than how great she looks!
It's funny, I had a friend who was pregnant a few years ago and someone told her that she was "all belly". My friend was super annoyed because she grew everywhere and it was pretty obvious that she wasn't all belly. She said she would rather hear nothing than lies.
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