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I think you do what you said. Politely but firmly say, "I'd really rather you didn't say those kinds of things about LO's body." Maybe you can say something like "I think you have a nice figure and I know we all have our insecurities but I'd rather not GIVE LO insecurities about her body." My mom is like that and always complained about her body. Still does. She always flattered me about my figure, saying it was everything she ever wanted, but mentioned several times that my problem area was my thighs. That when I gain weight it goes to my thighs. While that might be true that I gain weight in my thighs first, she will never understand the complex she has given me. That every time I look down at myself in shorts I notice my thighs and wonder if they look fat in these shorts... It doesn't take much to give you a complex.

@Foodnerd81: Yeah, it could change, but she's his exact clone with my skin tone and curly hair. When we put their baby pictures side-by-side, they are exactly the same. It's uncanny.

Ugh that's so frustrating! I feel like I've been seeing stuff online lately about body positivity and parenting on using language that emphasizes all the amazing things bodies can do rather than what they look like (ie, "wow your legs are so strong, they help you run so fast!"), and it's something I'm really going to try to focus on myself with our girls, in addition to not trashing my own body in front of them. Maybe next time she says something about it, you can say that you've been reading about body positivity and want to avoid using language that can lead to insecurities? It's a little less confrontational than straight out saying "don't say that" and also explains why it bothers you?

So from my response in the other thread, I have some experience with this. (quick recap: my step-MIL made many comments about LO being “fat” when she was a baby and toddler – and not in a sweet way. In a very nasty, disparaging way – like, am I worried about LO being a “fat girl” and whether I want to give her less to eat. Yeah….)

Like your MIL, a lot of my step-MIL’s malicious behavior is learned and she doesn’t do it to outright be mean. Her father was an asshole and pitted his 2 daughters against each other for attention and affection. She has *huge* power issues surrounding food in general, and she left her own adult daughter with body issues and an eating disorder. So, while I get having some sympathy for your MIL and her upbringing, the bottom line is that her words can be very harmful.

We talked to my FIL about step-MIL’s comments and were very upfront that 1) comments like those are damaging (whether step-MIL agrees or not) and that 2) we cannot accept comments like those around or about LO. If step-MIL continued to say things about LO, we would stop visiting them and having LO around them. We told them that girls deal with enough body shaming, they don’t need their grandparents adding fuel. FIL then talked to step-MIL, which is the best for our family, but your family dynamics may be different.

Good luck!

I would definitely bring it up. I remember my aunt either telling me or saying to someone when I was around (I must have been between ages of 3-5). When a baby is cute, they grow up to be an ugly adult and when a baby is ugly, they grow up to be a beautiful adult. How horrible and even now, i think of that every once and awhile, because yeah, I was a cute baby and our daughter is adorable.

We have a family member that makes comments about LO's body. They aren't this overtly negative but it still bothers me. I haven't figured out how to respond to it other than to do what you do: "We love her strong legs!" "We think she's perfect how she is and try to tell her that."