Hi all. As some of you probably know, my partner and I have been TTC for the last year using donor sperm. We've had our share of adventures, doctors appointments and tests. We've used two methods (at home AI and IUI with a midwife) and have had a fair amount of testing done (bloodwork, ultrasound, HSG, more bloodwork, semen analysis) and everything comes back normal. We have spent A LOT of money so far, with no resulting BFPs all year. I just wrote the last of the checks to pay off the medical bills I've incurred since February. I'm not into doctors anyway. Until all of this started I hadn't been to a doctor in many years. The process has been difficult, to say the least, and draining for us both. We could (and might) continue trying IUIs with our very patient and willing donor, but we've started talking about other options at this point. We briefly discussed IVF. Given our location (rural) and the fact that the closest IVF clinic is over 4 hours away, and the fact that the idea of more doctor's visits and tests and hormones makes me feel nauseated, we've decided that for now we will not pursue IVF.
So...to get to the point, we've started talking about adoption. We don't have a lot of extra money and the idea of spending 30-40 grand on this is pretty much impossible. We're looking into adopting through the foster program, although we are very sure that we want an infant, at least for our first, so that might be hard. I know it's do-able sometimes, and maybe some of you have some insight into this. We are meeting with a social worker from a local foster family agency on Monday to get an idea of how it would work in our county. We have also looked into funding options for domestic adoption. It seems that there are a few grants available for couples wanting to adopt. One specifically is requesting more LGBT couples, so that might be our first shot.
I have tons of questions. I don't have any experience with adoption or know anyone well in real life who has adopted. I am afraid of the logistics, mostly. How does it all work? How do you take family leave from work when often the adoptions are fairly short notice? How in the world do we go about getting a home study in our rural county? One adoption agency that specializes in LGBT adoptions says you have to have a home study before you start the application process. I don't know how to find someone up here to do a home study and I'm assuming the one the foster agency would do isn't equivalent? Or is it?
Like I said, tons of questions. I'd love to hear from some of you who have personal experience in this area. It's very new to me and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it all. I do have to say, though, that the idea of trying something new, and either taking a break or stopping TTC, or at least taking a more relaxed approach to it, sounds really fantastic right now.