Hellobee Boards

@pastemoo: there's no way in hell the csection was yor fault. All those medical professionals around you knew what they were talking about. Don't sweat it---:) for the record you did exactly what I woulda done and were both FTMs so no one can blame us.

@pastemoo: I'm so sorry! My birthstory with DS was ALOT like yours! And thinking back I've had ALL the same "what if" thoughts.... ESPECIALLY about when I went in b/c I was in prodromal labor and was only TWO centimeters when they admitted me. It was a recipe for "failure" and fail I did. Well atleast that's how I thought about it for a long time. I mean I have almost EIGHT years between DS and DD most of which I didn't even know about vbac so I thought I was "cursed to cesareans".

There will come a time where your blame shifts and you won't feel so responsible. I promise! It's just really hard to see past that at first.

The reason information like this helped me was because....... If I had a civil court case and went to ensue the services of an attorney I would trust that attorney to represent me according to the laws that HE/SHE learned, went to school for, and took oath too. I would never be expected to go learn the laws regarding my type of case... EVER! SO..... I started learning what evidence based medicine says/is showing and realized that it wasn't my job to make sure I didn't have unnecessary things done in my l&d.. it was my doctors & nurses... the ones that KNOW THIS STUFF ALREADY, went to school for it, and took OATH to practice in a way to best benefit ME and not harm. As much as we are informed ladies, it isn't our job to make sure we're given the right plan of treatment, it's theirs! When interventions are overused and misused we are the VICTIM not the responsible party. THAT'S how I started to be able to deal with things and then became as informed as I could be so I was ready to fight tooth and nail if I had to... thankfully I just decided I was better off staying OUT of the hospital and went with a homebirth midwife that had alot of experience with vbac. Yea, I still transferred to my no-vbac hospital BUT things were handled so greatly that I still got the delivery I wanted (before they could send me back to have a repeat done).... and even if my hospital did allow vbac I can almost guarantee that I wouldn't have succeeded with how long and slow my labor was, being home under the care of someone that knew my body was capable really made all the difference.

Anyways, have you considered looking into your local ICAN chapter? There will be other moms that have experienced the same thing you have AND providers that are pro- women's ability that you can get connected with. (hugs)

(op sorry to threadjack)

@runsyellowlites: I have looked into my local ICAN chapter but just haven't been yet--never was able to go. Next meeting is next weekend!
Thanks for that. It was really helpful. I really like the lawyer analogy.