So, I don't think DH ever learned any methods of coping with stress...at all. Particularly what to do with a normal rough work day. What do you or your SO do to cope. Not big things like take a weekend away, but daily things. My techniques don't work for him and we need to work on this. It's hurting everyone at this point. Help!
-
Go on a walk and/or exercise. Have some wine. Watch TV. Meet up with friends. Those are the big ones!
I try to meditate when I'm really stressed, but it's tough with kids!!
-
That's tough because everyone is different!
For DH, a good healthy meal, maybe watching a movie, ice cream. In times of extreme stress, he and I both get out of the house and go for a walk- we went through unimaginable stress this summer and everyday we would go for a walk to a park with DD. One was a social park where we always saw acquaintances, and that can be good for getting out of your head. Another one was always empty, so that was good for needing to talk.
Another thing can be self care, like a hot shower and clean jammies. Good sleep. Making a list of what you are grateful for. Doing something you love, something that puts you in the moment (or "flow"), or something mindless but positive like a wonderword puzzle.
And this summer I would have one glass of wine when things were rough- just one a day.
-
DH plays guitar, reads, or watches TV. I go for a walk outside, go for a walk around Target, call my mom, or sometimes read or watch TV.
-
@jhd: Guitar is a great one!
-
@Greentea: It really works for DH. He can totally forget whatever was bothering him and it seems to be really therapeutic. I'm so thankful he has this as a coping strategy. It's gotten him through some rough times!
-
Exercise is the go to for both I and DH
-
@Greentea: yes also taking walks is always therapeutic for us too, we usually talk things out in detail that we are worrying over. And I agree DH needs a good shower and clean clothes.
-
Thanks, everyone. Perhaps I ought also to have asked, how have your stress coping techniques changed since you had children/left your early 20s. I'm realizing maybe that was the shift that didn't happen. He has techniques, they just don't work with his life now. Ex: he used to be in a band and that was a major source of stress relief, or he'd go out to the bars with friends and drink. Normal for early 20s, but not an option really with babies. Probably we need a therapist
-
@MrsSRS: can he play plugged in, or an acoustic version of his instrument? I play acoustic guitar, and as @jhd: said, it really puts me in the moment to sing my favorite songs and my stress melts. I get it though, techniques do need to change when kids come along! Another thing we like to do is play poker, DD plays with us! Last winter we played a lot and would light beeswax candles and drink tea. DH doesn't have an instrument, and he has a harder time letting go/ managing stress. I am going to see if he likes adult coloring. I am an artist and my biggest relief is making work (candid, natural photographs). If music is his passion, maybe he can find a way to play again?
-
@Greentea: Nope. Brass instrument
FWIW when he's off work he manages pretty well. Last year he didn't, so he's learning. It's the 12-14 hour/six days a week schedule that triggers most of the struggle now. -
@MrsSRS: making sure DH has some alone time to do something he enjoys is key. He needs this time more than I do. And with two kids it's not a ton of time but just enough to feel like he still has his own thing. So a 1-hour bike ride, having a few beers with a friend after bedtime, football uninterrupted, playing basketball for an hour, etc. so it's not a huge time commitment but definitely helps!!!
-
It really helps DH to talk to me about it. That way it's not bottled up inside and I have a chance to offer him sympathy and positive vibes. I also make him a big cocktail!
-
I think a vast majority of people in our generation don't know how to deal with stress!
A little quiet time usually helps us decompress if we need to. Or a drink! If he's had a bad day, I'll bust out the gin and tonic for him and give him a little space. I'm in your DH's position of working a ridiculous amount, weird schedules, most days of the week right now, and what helps me is a little time to myself at home to sort of re-set my brain and get into a good place, mentally, before all the crazy of the house. And my general belief of not being shitty to anyone, despite being in a bad mood. I suppose it's distraction? So i fake it until I make it. I've also had 3 canker sores in 2 weeks, due to stress, so it certain manifests in other ways. Going to the gym is also a big stress reliever for me. After the kids go to bed, just sitting in the quiet. I turn the tv on less and less b/c i just want some quiet. If i feel like i have to get out of the house, I'll walk the toddler up the street to the park and let her play. Then i can sit on a bench and just kind of zone out for a bit. I think, for me, I just need a little head space to de-stress. Or if i'm stressed from things i have to do, looking at my calendar, and planning when I'm going to do what is HUGELY stress relieving. Then i can say "oh, i don't need to worry about doing X, because i'm doing that..Saturday", let's say. And my husband will often ask, "can i do anything to help?" and that alone is just affirming that I have somebody in my court.
-
Maybe do something else, like take a walk or have a coffee, before going home? DH has classes three nights a week now. It's rough solo parenting till bedtime with two little ones, but I've noticed he's much happier when he comes home, because he's had time to de-stress from work and the commute. So it's totally worth it.
Reply
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
14 comments