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There was one time DD was FREAKING OUT in public. I told her that if she didn't calm down and listen to me we were going to leave the grocery store. She didn't, so we left. Unfortunately I had to leave a cart full of groceries, but I believe that if you say you are going to do something, you have to do it.

If my toddler is crying in public and I get dirty stares, I want to punch them in the face! It is NEVER my goal for her to cry in public, however she is little and it happens. So I try to discipline as much as I can. It is more important to me that I say something and follow through than to get her to stop crying quickly. Otherwise she will figure out in public she can cry and get what she wants really fast!

Of course this is with a toddler, not a baby. That is very different!

My child is 13 months, and I am REALLY starting to see how easy it would be to raise a spoiled child. So instead, I'm trying really hard to not give in to fix a little fussing. I'm trying to anticipate her needs to avoid that fussing, in general, but not giving in when it comes. That means a lot of bringing snacks, of making sure she isn't in a stroller/cart/seat for long, and attention to naptimes. So far, that's worked really well, and I get very little fussing for things, since she's not used to it being rewarded.

I think the older they get, the more you just need to not give in on the little or big things, in general. And to not create bad habits in the first place. I've seen people who can't take their children shopping with out having to buy them a cupcake, for example, because they're used to it and they expect it and it's easiest for everyone to just do it. So just don't do it.

And let me say that I am not some kind of super mom. I don't follow that guideline perfectly. But I do my best, and in general, we do pretty well. There's also a big difference between fussing and crying, and different locations. I take a crying toddler out of a restaurant immediately. At a grocery store, though, not the same. I'd be embarrassed, but I'd probably just try to finish up.

@shopaholic: I would start following through the first second you have need to. My daughter learned really early that she could throw her sippy cup on the floor for me to grab because at first we thought it was cute. Then it wasn't cute, and we stopped. Now she pretty much gets it. They can learn about cause and effect really early, and your responses to their actions are one of the first demonstrations of that.

@shopaholic: I know for my lo if she wants to be held, ill usually hold her. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. But then again I never have the problem of her not wanting to be in the high chair during a meal, and she does fight the stroller when I put her in it but that only lasts two seconds so its not a big deal. If she cried longer than that and really didn't want to be in there I would take her out.

The ipad is another story. She never gets our ipad and if she does throw a fit because she wants something like my phone, or often she wants my credit card when I'm paying for things so she cant have it, I don't give it to her. I try to distract her, calm her down, and if all else fails we leave the store /room.

I don't think there's a right or wrong to this though. Every kid is different and reacts to situations differently. I'm pretty lucky that right now my los tantrums last a total of four seconds so its not a huge deal. If she were to scream for ten minutes straight..... I might be more likely to give in and give her my phone.

Every one says that each child is different, and I believe that to some point. My bonus son was a very easy baby and LO is very needy.

Now with that said, my bonus son is easy for me and DH. His bio-mom claims he is a total nut. I used to not believe her, but now he admits it. He throws fits, kicks her, has bitten her, and refused to leave stores by throwing himself on the floor. I get a totally different kid who is so well behaved that strangers comment on it all the time. He holds doors for instance for woman and offers to butter peoples rolls at dinner So I think it has a lot to do with your attitude and the way you react to the child.

I let him make decisions on his own and dole out consequences. She doesn't let him decide, she "treats him like a baby" as he puts it now. The best example was when he was 2. She said he would refuse to put on coat and shoes. On nights she would have him and then drop him off to us before she went to work, she would often be late because they would fight about it. Sometimes he would show up with no shoes. We had 2 coats at our house. One red and one blue. When it was time to go we would ask him red coat or blue coat. He would make the choice and we would be on our way. It made him feel like he had the control, because tantrums are just power struggles essentially, and perception of control can prevent the acting out all together. All we wanted was for him to be warm and we accomplished that. It works in all apects of parenting for us

When DS was a baby I would do what I could to soothe him in public. There was no way I was staying home just because I had a baby, so an just tried to be prepared, go to family friendly places, and be okay with leaving or changing plans.

However once DS hit the year mark or so, I have seen his temper show throw when he doesn't get his way. He is just 19 months old now, so it's been a big learning curve over the last few months. You have to stick with whatever discipline method you chose no matter where you are. I have given DS a time out at day care, at a restaurant, at stores and at the library. Usually it is for hitting or biting because We have to leave or he can't have something in a store. My rules for being out are no hitting/biting and hold my hand when you aren't in the stroller. A time out for DS in public is just being sat down on his butt by my feet for about a minute. I have explained to people who have approached us to say hi to him or whatever that he is in time out for whatever behavior. But I can't let him get away with it in public. Discipline is only effective when it is completely consistent. But in the last few months he knows the rules better. I try to talk with him about transitions, like getting back in the carseat or leaving a play area/toy so it's not so abrupt for him. We go out together often and he is generally great. Consistency in public and following through on whatever consequences you say are crucial to raising well behaved kids. Also giving choices carefully helps too. Red shirt or blue shirt, not do you want to put your shirt on.

My sister is more anxious in public and when she comes to visit us, so she is more likely to give in to he daughter who is 6.5 yrs old. She has an awful co-parenting situation with her ex, so it really is harder than it should be, but she also isn't consistent all the time because she wants her daughter to be happy.

It also depends on why the baby/toddler is crying. Is the baby crying because they are tired, or overstimulated? I would finish as fast as possible and get out. I know that when he was really little I would put him in the carrier and nurse him while I did the store. I had both hands free and he didn't fuss.

Now, he fusses because he wants more freedom. He doesn't get it. Just the other day, I had him do a timeout in the middle of an empty aisle. He decided getting in the cart was better. I also didn't finish everything because he was getting too tired and fussy. To get through the checkout I gave him my phone. He was asleep by the time we got home.

He doesn't expect anything and we don't usually power struggle with him when out.