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Serious question: can you move? I can’t imagine that close of proximity is helpful with this type of dynamic.

@josina: That was sooo my first thought too; creating physical distance would help so much. Is she good to the kids if/when they are with her? I think if she is good/loving to them without bringing in any adult drama, it MAY be worth the effort to keep somewhat of a relationship; but if she crosses the line and drags the kids into it, then I'd cut ties as well.

@josina: Yeah, I feel like as kids you will never know ALL the drama that entailed till you grow up and really understand Then at least you can say I did everything I could; you can't control what she does.

@josina: Yes it’s tough living right next door. However, I wouldn’t cut ties. Life is too short and I think the kids should have some type of relationship. I wouldn’t feed into her pettiness but keep trying and maybe reach out every couple of months to see if she wants to see the kids. Avoid the texts messages- I wouldn’t get caught up in it.

In law relationship are hard in my opinion. We don't have a great one but I’ve gotten better and try to make it work for our kids cause it’s a blessing they have them for now.

@josina: I just want to say good on you for continuing to include her and reach out to her!! You are a wayyy better person than I am! It's great that you are able to keep your kids best interests in mind. Good for you! Just make sure it doesn't start to weigh to heavy on you or DH though... if it starts to become a drain then don't feel bad for cutting it off.

I just had to cut off 2 of my "close" aunts. I found out some stuff they said and it's just not worth it to me to have myself or my kids around them. … until or unless they grow up, apologize and cease the bad stuff. Until then … mmm mm bye

I came very close to cutting off my mom, but I have three college aged siblings and did not want to lose those connections so I very slowly added her back in. For the most part I did everything on my turf for the first 6 months, then slowly we started visiting them, and after about a year I would let them babysit the kids. My mom and I had the beef, and now our relationship is solely about my kids, and I expect that will not change ever. we used to go on vacations with them and things like that and I don't expect that will happen again. I'm really glad I didn't cut them out completely. My two sons love their grandmother and I was afraid down the line they would question why I restricted their time with her. There's also the possibility that she would eventually tell them that I did it. So this way, I have cleared my side of the street while also protecting them from her toxicity. the other reason is because I don't want my children to think that cut off is an appropriate solution for family drama. my family is rife with cut off and I would rather my kids learn how to establish boundaries and communicate vs. resorting to a cut off. for what it's worth I understand that with some people it is not that easy and of course if there were abuse I would not expose my children to that. My mother was physically aggressive and emotionally abusive with me growing up, but so far has not showed any of that with the kids and I don't think that she would because her abusiveness was triggered more in my adolescence.

We have been no contact with my in laws for almost 2 years (albeit they don't live next door). It was never my place to choose when that happened, but I did let my husband know that I wouldn't be going to see them with him.

I know it's different because you don't have an issue with them, but if your husband reasonably comes to that point (because it's a hard one to make) you should support him. I know you only get your parents, you don't get do overs, but some people are only parents because the contributed genetic material, that's it.

I honestly don't know what I'd do on your position, I just know my husband struggled leading up to the decision to cut his parents out... And still does, but it has improved his quality of life immensely.

@josina: again, you must have the biggest, kindest, most patient heart of anyone!!! I give you so much credit. I would be whipping out my GTFO here attitude on her so fast....