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For us, DH helps a lot with LO. When my LO was a newborn one of DH's coworkers asked if he woke up in the middle of the night to help with her, and he said yes. She thought that was crazy and said that was my job, he needs his sleep for work. Ummmm..... hello, don't I need my sleep to take care of a newborn all day long! And as for sleeping when she sleeps, she would only nap in my arms so that was out. I was exhausted too!

There are some things that automatically fall on me, like at meal times I always cut up LO's food so I'm always last to eat. And if we go out to eat I'm always the one who shares my food with her so I have to order something she will like/can eat. This is something that we've never spoken about, I think it just happens because I'm the mom, and I guess I don't care enough to say anything.

But for the most part, DH does a lot. Now we do diaper changes together when he is home (she so squirmy it's just easier with two of us), we do bath together and rotate bed time every other night while the other person is washing sippy cups and bibs. When she was little he would wake up with her every other time, and he'd always take the crappy time so I could get more sleep.

I've seen dads do a lot, within my group of friends, so I think that it is expected that men need to pitch in, too. In some cases, I think the dads do more than the moms! Most of my friends work (moms and dads) so I think you need both parents to pitch in. If you're a SAHM, you would do more but that doesn't mean that the hubbies can't pitch in when they are home. It's not just a matter of work ... it's a matter of bonding and spending time with the children.

DH works and I stay at home, so I do the majority of the parenting. When he's home, we share responsibilities.
LO refused the bottle and I EBF.. so when she woke at night, I got up.
I don't mind and never minded.. DH brings home more than I could ever make, and I feel like I was born to mother.

When we fly, I have LO under my ticket, but she sits on both of our laps when we fly together. I love traveling with DH because he does most of the heavy lifting. Traveling alone with LO is so tough!

I agree! I have already said that when I'm at home on maternity leave that I will take nighttime sessions due to it being my "job" and DH has to go to work in the morning, however it is also the agreement that if I need a break one night he will take over, and weekends it is up to him.

We will be splitting diapers, feedings, baths, bottles, ect. when we are both home. I want him to feel like he is included and I want my DD to have a bond with him as well.

The only thing that makes biological sense is that mom has the boobs -- it's kind of hard for Dad to nurse, so if there's BF-ing involved, some aspects of care are going to automatically fall on her shoulders.

Otherwise, I expect DH to be an equal participant -- in fact, I kind of expect him to share more of the burden, as I'm the one that makes dinner and does household chores in the evening. He's already anticipating that he'll be on "baby duty" so I can get other things done.

@cocobee: interesting about the lap ticket thing; we've flown with DD four times (two round trips) and all times DD was listed on DH's ticket not mine.

My husband had to click in quickly. We went from zero kids to three kids. There's no way I could do it by myself. I am at home all day with them so I obviously do more than 50% because I am around them 24 hours a day and my husband is gone 9 hours.

I feel strongly tha because I am a SAHM it is my job to clean and cook so I try my best. When I need it he helps me out. He also does the dinner dishes almost every night. The only thing I tell him to never touch is the laundry. He is just about useless when it comes to sorting the boys clothes and the different sizes. It takes me twice as long to redo everything if he helps.

This conversation is so interesting to me, because as a kid, I didn't even realize that the societal expectations existed! I had a stay at home dad who raised me, while my mom worked, and it wasn't until I was in school that I even knew that this was out of the ordinary. I must say though, that my dad did the majority of "parenting" of me. But I feel that that role will fall on whichever parent spends the most time with your LO. And I think with each generation, we're becoming more open minded about stepping outside of what is considered "normal." I give my dad major props for being a SAHD, especially back when it was even less accepted.

Hubs actually would love to be a SAHD, but sadly we can't survive on my salary alone. But when he tells people that, they look at him like he has 18 heads. Same thing with when I tell people that he was hoping for a girl - it's like expected that men want a son. These expectations are so ridiculous. And yes, hearing guys say they're "babysitting" their own children drives me bananas. It's your child - you're being a father! No one is paying you! Ugh. Our society is so effed up.

An older, male, colleague just commented today on the "modern man" when I told him the baby was at home with my husband. There was a bit of eyebrow raising accompanying the comment and a bit of a . . . tone. I laughed it off.

Even though my husband is taking parental leave to watch the baby for the next 5 months, and I've returned to work, I still feel like the majority of the burden is on me - to make plans, to keep track, to organize. For instance, this coming weekend, we have tickets to a concert, and it's fallen on me to find a babysitter (which isn't going well, by the way, both of the grandmothers will be out of town). I find that to be more pressure and stress than changing diapers or waking in the middle of the night.

I'm also a little annoyed with the double-standard, particularly at work. The gentlemen working there certainly expect me to be fully present (with work) when I'm at the office, but seem to struggle with the idea of my husband caring for the baby (they think I'm odd, from what I can tell). I don't expect any special treatment, but I wish they would or could appreciate a little better what it takes to be a mother (but isn't that the point of this discussion!?!).

My biggest pet peeve is when I leave my LO home with my husband and people say that he's "babysitting". OMG - does that mean that all day every day I'm babysitting? Nope, just being a parent. As is he. Goes along with exactly what you're saying...and such a pain!

@Oceanis723: I believe that. It is a big responsibility. My husband also used to worry that if we had children, they wouldn't like him! I'm sure your husband is doing a wonderful job

@Coco Bee: I do agree with your logic but it's not how our family runs :/.

Basically all of the childcare and house cleaning is up to me. DH does cook sometimes (he's actually pretty good at it) but I always clean up his dishes and the stove when he's done. I tend to be a bit of a neat freak so he just lets me do what I do. He doesn't mind dishes in the sink and a dirty stove but it really bothers me. I also do all of the things for our kids I remind them to take medicine, if DS wakes up I get him, I bathe DS, get him dressed, etc. I have talked with him about his role and how much more help I will need once LO arrives. He seems ok with it. One of the major issues is my need to control things. I feel as though I do it better and I really don't give DH a chance most of the time.

My DH is just as involved in taking care of LO, but since I breastfeed, I have to do all the night feedings. He still wakes up and will change her and bring her to me. While I was working part time, he stayed home with her during the day. I know he really enjoyed being home with her, and is sad that he wont be around as much.

Now that I'm a sahm, I'll definitely do the majority of the child related duties since I'm at home while he is working. I feel like while I'm home, it's my job to take care of LO and the house, just as its his job to work and earn $.

I wish our household could run properly if both of us put equal amounts of parenting in--but DH works a ton. Last week he worked 84 hours so I don't feel right making him get up in the middle of the night when I have the choice to take a nap the during the day when the kids are asleep and he doesn't. I feel like it's just natural for us. He provides money and I provide care--that's as equal as it gets right now and I'm okay with it (but I really love working and bringing home a pay check so it won't last this way forever).