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I feel like that is so sketchy, I'd have to report it to the director. I just can't think of a situation where it would be okay for a teacher to ask a parent for money! I think you should say something to the director and let her handle the situation however she feels appropriate. Otherwise you'll probably just continue to worry about this teacher and what she's doing.

I would definitely report it to the director. That is just so weird and sketchy.

That woud make me really, really uncomfortable ... Hell, I felt uncomfortable reading it, and I'm not the parent.

I would absolutely say something to the director. You can approach it in a really kind way, explaining whatever you'd like to happen (if you want her fired, if you want her repremaded, or just spoken to). It's just entirely inappropriate for someone to ask a parent for money. I would be thinking the same things you are about her & the wellbeing of my child. What if she relaliates? It's horrible, but I wonder if her being fired is the only way I'd feel comfortable??

I feel bad for her ... I am sure it's hard to have to ask someone for money. BUT, I don't think assistants at daycares have to be overly qualified (beyond passing a background check), so who knows if this is her MO. I will admit I am really cynical, but the last place I'd expect to encounter sketchy behavior would be my LO's daycare.

Again, my reaction is an emotional one -- I've been scammed for money before. When it comes to my kid, and care that I'm paying for, I couldn't shake the "what ifs" in this situation. Call me cold-hearted, but when my kid is invovled, I have to trust my gut.

Also, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I'm sure it's super stressful!

@Mrs. Carrot: were you planning to do Christmas gifts? Depending on your comfort level with the teacher, I could see doing the gift thing and then if she asked again later on, bringing it up to the director. She could just be on hard times and need a little help. I wouldn't want my LO's teacher fretting over whether she's going to have a place to sleep tonight while she's caring for my LO. But if it became a regular occurrence, her asking for cash, that'd be different.

Definitely not saying gift her $200, but maybe $50? And maybe she can find the remainder elsewhere? Or maybe you can help her find resources in your area that could help her, and point her in that direction?

I wouldn't want to see her get fired for this, if I felt she was a good teacher and a genuine person that had fallen on hard times.

I've been burned by this kind of thing before, it's so tough.

Yes, I agree this is a boundary crossing issue and should be discussed with her boss. I wouldn't gift her money at all even for the holidays because my concern would be that this would continue to create opportunities for her to ask for more in the future. Sorry this happened!

@littlejoy: I know. My knee jerk reaction was absolutely tell the director, but thinking of the teachers my LO has had, I would trust them if they said something like this and I would want to help, just once. They've been so kind and loving toward LO and toward us, but obviously I don't know what the OP's feelings are toward this teacher. I'm really torn as well and I hope OP finds a good solution!

ETA-even as a busy WOHM, I could probably spend 10 minutes googling resources to suggest. Goodness knows I spend more than 10 minutes on HB

I would report that. And I wouldn't even frame it about a living wage. Honestly that could make you seem like you're overstepping even if you're not.

Regarding pay, when I worked in a preschool/daycare as a new teacher (with an unrelated BA, state certification/5 classes, and some grad school in ECE) I made $11/hr, in a high cost of living area. I had another offer for $16 but that was definitely on the higher end, I kind of lucked out with that one but took the lesser one because it was much closer to home. It's not uncommon to be very low paid. There were more experienced teachers there making just a little more. Eta I only worked there a very short time and decided to go (back) into a different field. Also I was offered free child care, so that would have been a good perk, not sure if that's the case here or elsewhere.

Wow. That is so sketchy. I would absolutely tell the director. I also wouldn't give her a Christmas gift (if that is what you usually do) early. I know no one in this situation and it still gives me the creeps. It's not your responsibility to finance her life and unless you guys are BFFs outside of daycare, it is totally inappropriate. You are the "customer" (for lack of a better word) I'm so sorry you are dealing with this

@Mrs. Carrot: I think if you report it to the director, you have to be prepared for the woman to lose her job. If I were the director I would feel I had no choice but to fire the woman for an incredibly inappropriate action. And if I did report it, I would want her fired. I think a teacher is much more likely to be upset with you if you reported her actions to her boss than if you just said no and moved on. I would probably report it, as much as I would hate doing it. If this was a teacher you had a long standing relationship with it would still be awkward, but I could see it happening. Somone making a request like this after knowing you just a few months sends off some huge red flags.

@Mrs. Carrot: I hadn't thought about that ... You're right. Someone might react immediately, which could cause more drama. I just wonder if she's asked anyone else.

I'm sorry, I did not read all responses but because she approached you in the center I think the Director needs to know.

If she babysat for you on the side and asked in your home I may feel differently. But the director should be aware of what is happening inside the center no matter what.

That is really awkward and inappropriate. As an outsider I would 100% report it, but I realize it is a lot more awkward in real life I would also be worried about what exactly she needs the money for... why risk your job!?

This is crazy inappropriate and I would definitely report it to the director. While I can empathize with the shitty wages of service workers, think of all the other people it would have been more appropriate for her to ask (her parents, her friends, her SO, her siblings, her cousins, her neighbors, her colleagues, her boss, even.) The fact that she approached a *customer* at her place of work (and one that's only been around 3 months at that!) speaks volumes about her boundaries. She put you in an awful situation; you shouldn't have to be worried about her financial situation, about her asking you for money again, or about her retaliating against your child. If I were the director, I would absolutely want to know about this kind of behavior.

I've worked in several daycare & preschools (I teach preschool currently) and that teacher was completly inappropriate. The director needs to know. Of course, you should be compassionate and include to the director the positives of this teacher. Id probably say something like "We really like XYZ about Teacher X, and we don't want her to be in trouble/fired, but I'm concerned because she approached my husband....etc" I wouldn't ignore it and I wouldn't discuss it with other parents. The director knows this woman better than you and can make a judgement call about what's going on. Don't feel guilty about reporting it; I don't think your child would be "retaliated" against, because that will bring more grief/attention/trouble down on the teacher (who I'm sure doesn't want that).

Thanks for the update. I didn't post earlier but I couldn't help but think that for her to ask so brazenly, it couldn't be the first time she has asked for money from parents. I hate that I was right.