My DD has always been sensitive, high needs, etc. But lately she has become SO defiant of us, and especially me. We've had huge meltdowns daily for the past week. She's started hitting, pushing, kicking me, yelling at me, telling me she wants me to leave, and is super mean to her little brother. We are kind of at our wit's end.
Has anyone else dealt with strong defiance, aggression, etc from your school-aged child? What helped you through it?
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
Did she just start kinder? I'm told that it's very common for there to be a thing when they start full day school because the kids have this sense of independence from their parents, they feel very grown up being in a big classroom with lots of people, and they tired from being "on" all day - so for a sensitive kid I imagine it's quite overstimulating. I guess it's just developmental? I don't have any advice since my eldest is 3, but I've heard a lot of lamenting in that age bracket about attitude from friends. Hugs mama.
bananas / 9227 posts
My kid had her first major 5-yr old meltdown. She screamed repeatedly, threatened to throw our "stuff" away and said she'd never sleep again if we didn't allow her to take her iPad to bed. It was a long ass night
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
My daughter just turned 4 and we are already getting this- it got really bad the first two weeks of school this year. She's calming down a little now that she's adjusted to school but I am certain it will be even worse next year. Good luck. It sucks.
persimmon / 1233 posts
Literally no advice, just commiseration. He's so great and delightful at school and can be such a jerk at home.
Things we're trying with mixed results:
- Spending one-on-one time with him for a few mins each day
- Staying calm (I have a really hard time with this even though I know it's super important)
- Identifying consequences ahead of time and giving 3 warnings
- Using some of the tricks from "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen," like turning things into a game, race, talking with an accent, basically trying to keep the mood light and get him to do things without nagging
- Talking about his behavior and how we're on the same team and need to work together, etc. This is not very effective but makes me feel better
I am realizing we have no idea what the f we are doing!! I basically waffle back and forth between trying to just wait it out knowing it's a phase, and trying to nip it in the bud because I want to make sure he grows up to be a good person. Argh...
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
Our 4 year old is going through a phase like this and he just started PreK at the elementary school. He's been mean and defiant at home and we're getting so frustrated. I read an article about this:
https://www.mother.ly/child/if-your-child-falls-apart-after-school-theres-a-good-reason-why
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
Oh man that's a common thing with girls that age. Olive went through it as did many of my friends' daughters. For us it was pretty short-lived, but changing scenary like going for a walk always worked for us.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
A couple of things...I do feel that kids need to have a safe space to let their feelings out, sometimes that means crying. It's a stress reliever. I encourage my son to finish whatever is happening, if that is a crying jag, I try not to tell him to stop, for example, as that just works him up more.
I also noticed that my son does better (more evenly distributed highs and lows, as opposed to severe peaks and valleys) when he's eaten well through out the day, has had a bowel movement and has had a period of physical activity. It's like all his systems need to be in balance.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Physical outlet, patience with life/school adjustment, enough sleep, emotional connection, healthy meals and just a few weeks will probably see it through. We went through it briefly at beginning of first grade.
pear / 1946 posts
Thanks for the commiseration and tips. I'm hoping this little phase passes quickly!
@gingerbee: yes she just started kinder a month ago. She's been in preschool/daycare pretty much full time for at least the past 2 years but I know kinder is harder. She's even cried a few times about how it's hard to sit and pay attention all day.
@hummusgirl: last year when I mentioned some of the things she does at home to her preschool teacher, the teacher was like, "No, not Evelyn???" I also find it hard to stay calm. We've had 5 days straight of mega-meltdowns and I was able to be calm until last night when I'd finally had my fill
@looch: i agree that kids need to have a safe space to let it out. It's when the tantrums go on 45-60 minutes (like last night) that makes it hard.
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