My DD is 2.5 yo. She is AWFUL at bedtime. If it’s just me at home, she we have a strict routine of pjs, sound machine, book, bed. But when my DH is home, she CONSTANTLY comes out of her room with every excuse in the book. We do the same routine. We don’t know what to do. Being gentile doesn’t work. Being mean doesn’t work. Being silent doesn’t work. How do we fix this? Please help!!!!
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Baby gate?
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You have probably already tried the hall pass (she can come out one time for any reason but that’s it)? What about a sticker chart? My older daughter goes through this. We started a sticker chart and she was getting one sticker for a good bedtime (not coming out) and one for staying in her room all night until her clock lights up at 7. It’s hit or miss but it helped.
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We went through a major getting out of bed stage with my daughter when she was about 2.5. After a dedicated effort to just walk her back to bed silently and consistently for a few weeks, we tried a bunch of other stuff with no luck. A "get out of bed pass" resonated with her, but using it up seemed to go over her head, unfortunately.
My daughter does well with visual cues, and we were using an "ok to wake" clock with success for the mornings, so we tried adapting that idea for bedtime too. We connected a big nightlight to a wifi outlet plug we put in her room. We told her that when that nightlight turns on, if she needs to come out of her room to see us, go potty, get water, have one extra hug, etc. she may. But if the light is off, she should stay in bed. We turn the nightlight on/off remotely one or two times each night - the first time, about 15 minutes after we put her in bed, and the second (if she was still awake) about 20-30 minutes later. We practiced during the day before starting the plan at night. She would get in bed, I'd leave and pretend it was bedtime, turn the night light on, and she'd come out to get me. I'd tuck her in again and we'd practice it over again until the idea clicked. I feel kind of ridiculous turning a light on and off for her to leave her room, but it's working for us and it put a little more structure in her attempts to leave her room...
She's three now, and we still do use the nightlight to "let her out" most nights - but usually just once at this stage, and some nights not at all. And at this point, it's mainly to help us with getting in one more opportunity for her to use the bathroom before falling asleep. Some nights, she ignores the light now and stays in bed anyway, so I think the novelty of leaving her room has worn off. For now, at least!
Anyway, I wish you and your family good luck! Bedtime struggles are rough.
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How many books do you do? With my son the policy was three books. We gave him one 'get out of bed' time, and if he could stick to that the next night he got an extra book. If he got out of bed a second time it was only three books, a third time it was down to two books, etc. It led to some bedtime tantrums for a while when we reminded him that he only got two books tonight, but it ultimately worked.
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My son is almost 2.5 and he's still in his crib (barely). I think we will be moving to a toddler bed soon. Anyway, my plan is to put a baby gate in front of his door, because I just don't think he can control his impulses to wander around the house. At least at first. I feel like he would understand if I told him something like "we can read an extra book tomorrow if you stay in bed tonight", but he doesn't have the impulse control to stop himself.
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@MrsADS: This is totally a fair point, B was older (3ish) when we started doing this. We definitely had the baby gate when he first moved to a toddler bed.
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what's her bedtime? does she nap?
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We just sit with our kids till they fall asleep. We trade off nights doing this, and we just sit at the foot of one of the beds (our girls are in twin beds) and read our phone till they sleep. This works really well for us because they both fall asleep within 5-15 minutes, whereas if we put them to bed and just leave they are crying for us, coming out of their room, asking for stuff, etc for much longer than 5-15 minutes.
We can usually even leave after our 2 year old is asleep (and she goes to sleep faster), because our oldest understand she has to be silent after sister is asleep. So even if she's still awake, I can kiss her and go and know that she'll be quiet till she falls asleep.
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Ok to wake clock with rewards (at first) for waiting till the light is green (ie the next morning)?
But that might be a personality thing. My son loves rewards (treats, not stickers) and he’s generally a rule follower. -
@Anagram: Same here haha. Our 3 year old doesn't nap so it only takes 10 min max to fall asleep so it's nbd to sit in there.
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@schubr03: We have a 3 year old with similar issues - he likes to stall bedtime. It sounds like your daughter is extra excited to see her father, so bedtimes will have to be different when he's home.
I think you just need to have your husband handle bedtime alone when he's home for it and build enough time into your schedule to have that one-on-one time before tucking in. Have him take your daughter to her bedroom 30-45 minutes before her desired bedtime, have EVERYTHING she will need for bed when you go into her bedroom (water bottles, whatever) so no one has to leave the room, shut the door, and tell him to spend that time reading, snuggling, tickle fighting, whatever so that she gets good contact and bonding time. Before the bedtime routine ends, he can tell her "okay ONE more book and then we're going to bed okay?" He can then sternly tell her okay its time for bed, put your head on your pillow, and you STAY IN BED, okay? Hugs, kisses, bye bye, lights out. Over time, before he leaves, he can say "remember, what's the rule?" and make her repeat "we STAY in bed."
We've switched to more mentally stimulating things in DS1's bedroom before bedtime. Look and find books, memory matching card games, magnetic fishing pole games, etc. If he's mentally tired, he goes down easier.
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@erinbaderin: @bakingdoodle: We do one book when it's just me. And usually my DH tells a story that he makes up when he's home. She does take a nap at daycare. Usually it's about 2 hours.
@gingerbebe: I like this idea. We do use the stern voice, but I think the idea is that she wants to be with daddy. So maybe combining the idea of saying it and a gate/closing the door would help. I usually try to let him handle bedtime when he is around, but it usually turns into him getting really frustrated because she won't stay in bed. I think we need to fix that part too.
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@schubr03: Yeah, doorknob covers help. Sometimes we have to stand there and just sternly say over and over "lay down. Lay dooooown. Put your head on the pillow. LAY DOWN." But it really is a phase - you just have to be consistent. DS1 KNOWS the rule, he just tries to press his luck a lot.
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The only thing that works for us is a safety lock on the door so he can't get out of his room. D'S is going through a phase and he has to whine it out some nights. Reminds me of sleep training days.
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Monkey lock from Amazon
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@schubr03: I wonder if making up a story is worse than reading a book- like a book has an end. Last page and done. Where a made up story could go on and on as long as daddy makes it and she knows that.
@Finfan: FYI a monkey lock only works on standard size door frames. Which I found out my house doesn’t have
if your frames are standard it’s great!
if your frames are standard it’s great!
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