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Pre-kids I was totally on board with destination weddings. Loved them. Post kids, it seems like a huge expensive PIA that I would skip unless I was super close with someone.

exactly what @LCTBQE: said! To each her own, but generally not my thing.

@Littlebit7: to be fair, a lot of the places that would be cheaper and easier are also high Zika risk, and a lot of people who attend weddings are also child bearing age, so there is that.

My brother did a destination wedding this past spring. It was probably one of the most disorganized weddings I've ever been to. Basically their friends, bride and groom parents, siblings, and a couple longtime family friends went. A lot of older relatives were upset as it wasn't feasible to attend and he is the only grandson on both sides. Huge party time for the young people, some family drama and tonnes of miscommunication....DW and I went solo but it was over $2k in travel for 4 days which we didn't need to spend. We enjoyed the trip but wasn't ideal. Seems like a good idea on paper but in reality, it wasn't.

We went to one in Mexico without DD in February and it was great. But I think we paid 4-5k for an all inclusive (everyone stayed in the same villa) for 5 nights including airfare but we introduced the couple and DH officiated. I've photographed a few when I was shooting a high volume of weddings- some are better organized than others.

Overall it's unlikely we will go to anymore now that we are nearing our mid 30s.

I had a DW (stateside, but everyone had to travel to get there) and now realize how inconvenient and expensive it was for some guests. To be fair unless we got married in one of the cities our parents lived, chose one of four places, there would have been overnight stays and travel involved for most people. Choosing a DW for us made it almost equally an inconvenience for all. We picked a weekend that coincided with a holiday and most people that worked or were in school did not have to take more than one day off to attend (“day off” day would have been the Friday before our Sat evening wedding).

The DW we are attending next year logistically sucks in part because DH is in the wedding party and there’s just so many activities that require a longer stay. The wedding itself is on a weekday. I have to use 4 days of vacation to attend this event.

I'm not a fan of them. We don't have kids yet, so it wouldn't be complicated for us to go at this point in our lives. However, DH and I have a limited amount of vacation days from work, and are saving our money for other things. I would prefer to plan my own vacation to my pick of location- not be forced to go where some couple decides we should all go. The only person I would attend a destination wedding for would be my sister, and I would be fairly irritated about that...

I'm not a fan. We're paying 3-4k to go to a destination wedding next summer and I think that's a big burden to put on your family/friends. We can afford it but we're expecting baby #2 and we're also trying to save up for a new house.

ETA - We would probably decline attending most destination weddings but this one is my brother's so no choice lol.

I think it depends. Six years ago my oldest friend had one and it was fantastic - a great group of people, a nice resort. That being said we had the vacation time and money available and were happy to get to spend a week at an AI. These days it would depend on a lot of factors. With that being said I don't have strong opinions on them - if that's what people want then I think that's great, as long as they're willing to accept that some people may not be able to make it. We have definitely declined DWs in the past, even before kids, because it just wasn't feasible. The only person who I would attend for no matter what would be my brother, and that would be fine anyway because all my family would be there to help with childcare.

I think they're great as long as people have low expectations for friends to come given what a big ask it is, and it's feasible for the wedding party/close family to make it without imposing a huge burden. I personally would not want one, as I wanted lots of our family and friends - many who have kids, health problems, etc - to be able to attend, plus there were lots of amazing places close to us that were meaningful. We have gone to a couple destination weddings when we could, but had to say no to various ones because of expense, leave time, zika, etc.

Since we've had kids we've had to miss 3 destination weddings One was just WAY too costly to bring all four of us, and i was still nursing my little one and didn't want to leave him, and along the same lines, another was no kids, and i was still nursing, so we would've had to bring a family member or babysitter, and $$$. And the other was also too expensive!

I think its a great idea for people who want to keep it small since it will exclude many with small kids... NOW, a wedding in Capri sounds like HEAVEN...

I'm a big proponent of the wedding couple having whatever kind of wedding they want, but knowing that people may choose not to come.

We almost had a destination wedding ourselves, though the destination would have been in the continental US. But I knew almost all of our friends would not go, and that wasn't the kind of wedding I wanted.

We've been to one destination wedding and it was fine. It was in FL and we had my parents watch DS for a few days. It wasn't super expensive or onerous. And I knew all along that this particular friend's wedding would be destination. She's a friend of DH's, one of his closest, and she and her BF came to our wedding from China. After our wedding they moved to Vancouver (where he's from). At one point I was worried they'd get married in China (which I knew would break the bank) but no matter what I knew we'd need to go to it wherever it was, and there's no way it was going to be local to us. I thought we got off easy with FL, lol.

But now that we have two kids, my parents don't live driving distance, and my dad's sick, destination weddings will probably not be happening for us, but luckily I don't know very many people that would be getting married any time soon.

I've always thought destination weddings are fun, both before kids and after. I've never been pressured to go to one though - everyone I've known having one has been super understanding if we haven't been able to make it happen. I think a lot of people put pressure on themselves to go, and then are defensive if they can't make it happen, even if the actual couple getting married is fine with it.

I generally wouldn't mind a destination wedding that is easy to get to but Capri is not that. It is a very difficult place to get to (and crazy expensive to stay there, which is why most visitors just come in for the day). I can't imagine bringing young kids there. I went there for my honeymoon. We flew into Rome, then took a train to Naples, then took a hydrofoil boat to Capri, then gave our luggage to our hotel porters and took the funicular into town, and then walked up a huge hill to get to our hotel (the streets are too narrow to take a taxi in some parts)... With that said, it was one of the most charming places I have ever been to but it was certainly a production to get there and we were just two adults who packed relatively lightly.

I'm not generally a fan. I think it's a huge ask to expect your guests to fork out a grand or more just to attend your wedding at an all-inclusive resort somewhere. Yes, there is always the option to not attend, but if it's your best friend or sibling, that's going to be a big hit to the relationship no matter how much anyone says they understand.

Pre-kid me would have been all in! Post-kid me: Do we have to go?

I am not a huge fan of destination weddings, only because most of the ones I've attended have not been well organized. Its just frustrating as a guest to travel a long distance and have to figure out stuff on the fly when you're not familiar with the area. The ones that HAVE been well planned were great, albeit expensive to attend. But because they were well planned, I felt like it was worth it. Since having kids, we've gone to 1 destination wedding (my BFF's so non negotiable) and his wedding was beautiful and well planned. BUT it was horrendously expensive on our end because we had to bring someone to watch our child and get a vacation rental big enough to accommodate us, etc. If it were anyone else, I would have declined. Destination weddings with kids is rough.

All of our pre-marriage destination wedding experiences really influenced our own wedding plans. We had a stateside wedding that was sort of a destination in that almost everyone had to travel. We were located in a place where neither of our families lived, so we picked a nice place within an hour drive for us (easier for planning purposes), a 6 hour flight for DH's family, and a 6 hour drive for my family. We felt like that was probably the fairest way to handle it and it was a location where people could easily extend their visit if they wanted to make a vacation out of it.

We also tried our very best to make it as comfortable for our guests as possible and kept the guest list very small so that we could maximize our budget for their comfort. Everyone stayed at 1 very reasonably priced hotel. We also covered accommodations for guests we knew couldn't afford to attend. We also grouped all the pre-wedding activities into that weekend so people didn't have to travel multiple times for us, since our bridal party was comprised of people who lived all over the earth. We hosted the rehearsal dinner AND my bridal shower at the hotel the day before the wedding and DH had his bachelor party that weekend so that all his friends and brother could attend. We hosted breakfast before our wedding at the hotel as well. We provided shuttle service from the hotel - church - reception - hotel so no one had to worry about driving, getting lost, or drinking. We had a morning wedding and a lunch/afternoon reception so people could rest up in the evening or explore the city if they desired. We did photos before the service to avoid the long lag before the reception, kept the service short, and chose a beautiful restaurant with good food and good views. We felt strongly that our wedding was our first act of hospitality as husband and wife and we wanted it to be a worthwhile experience for our guests who were undoubtedly taking vacation time and spending money to see us.

Finally, one thing that really went a long way in terms of goodwill with our friends and extended family was that we left money in our budget to travel to our respective hometowns to do a meet and greet with friends/family who could not attend. My family declined to do this, but DH's family took us up on it and we had a reception back in his hometown about a month after our wedding and every family member with kids and elderly relative within a 500 mile radius came for a simple luncheon and cake at the family church's hall (its what a typical wedding reception would have looked like in DH's hometown). We had pictures from our wedding out for people to see, my ILs picked decor in our wedding colors, the pastor gave a blessing and introduced us, and they had little speeches. It was really sweet. Multiple people told us they were originally miffed about our choice to have a destination wedding (including DH's grandmother), but that this made them feel included and happy.

Everything has already been said, but wow - expecting guests to go to Capri is really a hassle. ESPECIALLY if your kids are required as flower girl or ring bearer.
We went to Rome and Positano for our babymoon. We did a day trip to Capri from Positano.
You literally have to take several modes of transport to get there and it’s HOURS of travel.
From Rome we took a train to Napoli (but oF course you could fly right into Napoli but if I recall correctly it was much more expensive). Then from Napoli a 2+ hour Car ride on windy mountain roads to get to Positano OR a ferry from Napoli to Capri. Then to get to Capri from Positano (I imagine there are more hotel options in Positano? But maybe I’m wrong) it’s a 30-45 minute or so boat ride. Then when you get to Capri you have to take the funicular to the top (bottom near marina is a cheesy tourist trap). I mean, it was a pain in the ass as two lone adults. I can’t fathom that with kids.
Once there it’s just very hilly with lots of walking and steps. Not really stroller friendly. There isn’t much to do on the actual Island of Capri besides nice restaurants and shopping and cafes - I.e. not kid friendly and there’s not really a beach (that I recall). It’s expensive AF. If you’re expected to stay in a hotel in Capri or heck even in Positano, it’s going to be SO EXPENSIVE for a tiny not very nice room. Like $1,000/night didn’t even get us a nice room - it looked like a prison cell with a really nice view.
Honestly, I don’t think there could be a bigger pain-in-the-ass location for a destination wedding with kids.
Now, if you could leave said kids home with your family for 5 Days...it could be an amazing trip.
Hell to the naw with kids.

@Alba4: I mean, not to beat a dead horse, but...I was pregnant at the time with my first. And I remember seeing a couple with a 2-ish year old in a backpack carrier walking up and down all the stairs through the alleyways and I literally said to DH "Over my dead body would I ever bring a child here" and that was before I ever truly understood just how difficult it would be.
I guess some people are nomads at heart and just can't give up the adventures of travel, but...I love traveling but I want it to be a peaceful and enjoyable experience. So if we ever go back (which we'd like to) its 1) without kids OR 2) when they are much much older, like adults!

I would maybe tell her that since you'd never given much thought to Capri you did some research and there's just no way you could do it with kids (citing all the reasons I mentioned above). And maybe suggest another more accessible and kid-friendly location in Italy? We've traveled internationally with my son 3 times - Israel, Mexico and Grand Cayman. Knowing what I know, I would absolutely do Europe or Italy in the 2-5 range if it was easily accessible and had stuff to do besides shop and eat (Parks, beaches, kids museums, etc). Rome would be fine for a kid, I think (besides logistics like how to get around, but mostly it was pretty walkable). I haven't been anywhere else in Italy, but I'm sure there are an abundance of beautiful cities that you could just fly into and enjoy.

If she doesn't budge on Capri, I would honestly and truly say that you have to decline, or only DH goes...or you find someone to leave the kids with. Especially if you aren't seasoned travelers with kids (and I don't mean that in a condescending way, I don't even consider myself seasoned with kid-travels, I just mean that if you haven't done much travel with kids that is a REALLY ambitious trip to make).

I think glamorous destination weddings are an inconsiderate imposition on your guests. The main exception is when the bride and/or groom have a connection to a particular place. But if you will be expecting a majority of your guests to purchase a plane ticket and spend precious vacation days for your wedding, it's inappropriate. (Obviously there will often be some non-local friends and family, so usually someone will have to travel.)

We got married a 3hr drive from where we live because we wanted a rural setting, and we live in an urban center. That being said, it was possible to find a hotel for under $200/night, and the wedding lasted from 4pm to around 10pm. If someone really wanted to attend for just the day, it would have even been possible to drive up and back in one day. And we hosted a BBQ the night before and a brunch the next morning, so we at least provided some additional entertainment and meals if people stayed longer. Most of our guests drove up that morning and spent one night, but we had nice turnout at the BBQ too.

This actually worked well because most of the "B-list" invitations were declined, and I wanted a smaller wedding anyway.