This will be baby #3, due early Fall. DD will be in 1st grade and DS will be in daycare. My mom will come from out of state to watch the kids during my hospital stay. The issue is with DDs school bus schedule for early morning pick up and after school pick up. I dont think my mother can handle that alone.
Her bus comes very early and combining that with watching DS who will be 2years old at that time is a handful. Additionally she isn't comfortable driving new cars in a new environment so dropping off DS and picking them up is out of the question.
Additionally DS wakes up a lot at night and can be difficult with going back to sleep. For these reasons I feel having DH stay home at night to handle these things will be best.
Having said that, I will miss having him be in the hospital especially for the 1st night after the csection. Have any of you had a similar situation?
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Yes, we just had our 2nd 3 months ago and nyc has limited private rooms (meaning you share a room with one other person, ugh) which means no overnight guests. Everyone had to leave by 11pm.
So my MIL stayed with our big boy and my husband went home the first night. Also had a CS but I sent the baby to the nursery every night. I wasn’t BF, but even if I was I would have done that and had them bring me the baby (because you’re not even allowed to get out of the bed that first night!)The next day a private room opened up, but we decided that even though he could spend the night, we wanted him to be home with our older son. For many of the reasons you listed...logistics in PM and AM, overnight possible wakeups (rare but do happen from time to time) and just to keep some semblance of normalcy for him. It helped that we live walking distance to the hospital, so my husband would go back and forth all day long. He just left by like 10pm each night and came back around 10am with my son each day. Then he’d leave with him and come back alone a couple more times through the day.
I kept sending baby to the nursery.All in all I’m glad that we did it that way. I got lots of rest and our older son got lots of normalcy. And my husband got good sleep at home so he could be on point for me and older son during the day.
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Woah holy multiple posts.
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With my first DH did not stay overnight at hospital, and the same is planned now with #2 (due 6/22) although I did not have a c section, I can't comment on that aspect of it--but although I missed him and felt a little lonely feeding baby in middle of night by myself, I knew if I really needed anything I could hit my call button and a nurse would be there.
I felt like DH would not get any sleep on the hard couch thing they provide for the dads, and he's better off getting a sort of decent night sleep before I make it home with baby. If he can be a little more rested and have the house in order it would help! -
DH did not stay overnight with me after my c-section for Dd2. We had coverage, including overnights, for Dd1, but for reasons mentioned above (normalcy, logistics with am drop offs, potential overnight wake-ups, etc.), we thought it was best for him to also stay home. I had an emergency c-section with Dd1, and was very lucky that my recovery was a breeze. I figured for a scheduled c-section, the recovery would be similar, if not easier, and it was. I was happy and comfortable with the baby, and the nurses were great and checked in on my often knowing I was alone. I think my mom stayed with me one night, but it wasn't really needed so she went home. Plus, my husband needs good sleep to function, and I needed him more to be functioning well during the day than I needed him to stay overnight. I'm happy with how things worked out! Good luck!
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I didn’t have a c-section but Dh only stayed one night with DS1 and didn’t stay at all with DS2. The nurses were great at getting me anything I needed or helping with the baby if I was too tired.
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I'm not pregnant again, but I'll end up having a repeat CS most likely. My husband stayed every night with me with our son, but he has a different job this time and I doubt he will have more than a couple days off with me. My mom will come up and watch our son while I'm in the hospital, and although our hospital no longer has a nursery the nurses come in every couple hours to check on you anyway. I'll be sad that my husband won't be there, but I might get my sister to come stay a night with me.
@SweetiePie: Holy crap, I can't imagine not being allowed up at all the first day. I hobbled my butt to the bathroom the first day just to get the catheter out.
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DH didn't stay overnight when I had our 2nd child. DD1 just turned 2, and I had the baby by 9pm, so once I got situated in the recovery room (close to midnight), I sent him home so he could wake up with DD1 the next day and do normal routine. Then also my mom was able to go home, and she came to the hospital the next day.
I thought it worked out fine! It helped me feel so much better about not being with DD1 knowing that DH was with her, making her days as normal as possible.
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The first two nights my husband went back home. It was a combo of him needing to get work done and the nurses not showing him how to turn the chair into a bed. I remembered from the hospital tour it converted, but neither of us asked when it wasn’t obvious the chair would change. The first night sucked because he told me he was coming back in a few and didn’t waltz in until the morning. The nurses were great, but I hated just being kept out of knowing what was going on.
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I had dd2 at 11 pm. DH stayed with us the first night then went home the next afternoon, brought DD1 to meet the baby, then brought her home and stayed home with her. Better sleep for him, more normalcy for her. And frankly maybe a little less resentment from me when I was up nursing all night while He slept on the fold out chair. The nurses were more helpful than him and I feel like they were extra helpful since my husband wasn’t there. But I didn’t have a c section and had an easy recovery so I could get up pretty easily the first day.
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@Sams Mom: oh well I should clarify, I had my CS at 6:30pm so it was time for bed practically anyway and I think it’s like 12 hours or something that I couldn’t get up? Till the epidural wore off or something like that. So that’s what I meant, that I couldn’t get up overnight and DH couldn’t stay in a shared room so the baby went to the nursery. I believe if I had my CS in the AM they would have had me walking by that night. And it’s kind of fuzzy but I sort of remember that they didn’t want me picking the baby up by myself for a couple of days.
It’s seriously such a blur and it was only 3 months ago -
@SweetiePie: oooooooooooo. Yea mine was scheduled for 7:00 AM, so by the time I was out of recovery and in my room it was probably noon, and then I told the nurse I wasn't keeping my catheter and hobbled to the bathroom around 4 PM. They also found out that I metabolized the anesthesia faster than expected because I was able to use my legs to help transfer myself to the recovery bed? (Mom brain is hitting me hard, can't remember if it was recovery bed or my room bed...
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With my second birth (repeat C-section), my husband also did not stay overnight so that he could be at home with our daughter. Instead, I hired a night nanny who I had sleep over at the hospital so she could help bring the baby to me when he needed to be fed. Not sure if that's an option for you to hire a night nanny (even for a very short stint)?
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I haven't read all of the comments, so this may have already been suggested, but could your mom stay at the hospital over night with you?
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I had a vaginal birth but like @SweetiePie: was in a shared (NYC) room--my husband got kicked out at midnight and was allowed back at 7am or something. I thought it would be a big deal but I didn't mind him being gone at ALL, I was so dazed and exhausted and focused on the baby. I also sent the baby to the nursery and the nurses woke me to breast feed and they were awesome--I really didn't miss my husband during those hours. If I were you I think I'd just try to be happy to have him getting a little rest and taking care of business at home, like pp's have said.
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@SweetiePie: my response posted five times on another thread a couple weeks ago--feels like HB's mechanics are in a total state of necrosis, no??
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Even thought I had a vaginal birth for LO1 (and only!), DH never stayed overnight once she was born. I had a 3 day induction and was EXHAUSTED and DH is a super noisy sleeper, so I sent him home and LO to the nursery for a few hours of rest. We only live a few blocks from the hospital so it worked out best for all of us.
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@LCTBQE: Yes, so buggy! That’s what I used to do for a living so it’s really driving me crazy.
Also I have all the holiday outfits for you (footed sleepers), text me your new address! -
@Mrsbells: another no dh at the hospital for baby #2! In our case I had a vaginal delivery around 3 pm. My MIL was with our 3 year old and brought her in a few hours later. LO1 asked if DH could come home and help with her bedtime. We agreed but we had decided ahead of time to play it by ear. I only stayed the one night but it was fine. The baby was sleepy and chill, the nurses were helpful and DH came back early. I think it was significantly easier on our older LO even though she loves MIL and they have a good relationship and everything. So if that works best for your family as a whole I think you will be fine!
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Hi just from another angle. I just had my 3rd. More so than delivery, I worried more about how my mom will handle LO1 (5) and LO2 (terrible twos) and their complicated pick up and drop off schedules. I wrote it down as clearly as possible. We did a practice run couple of days before. My moms not the most youngest or energetic and can be quite scatterbrained but she somehow managed as best as she could. She even took them to swim lessons (I was debating on rescheduling) and had the time to get her hair done after drop off (she almost missed picking them up so she had to go with her hair still in curlers) I had a vbac but tore really bad and needed my husband at night. He did go home briefly but came back after helping my mom with nighttime routines. We only stayed two nights.
Just saying your mom can surprise you.
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I had my 3rd c section at lunch time and I told my husband to go home and sleep for bedtime. Not because of the kids but because he had been working nights so he was exhausted and would have been nearly useless to me anyway. I had the nurses take the baby to the nursery and I slept alone and peaceful all night. I also chose not to breastfeed so there was no issue with the baby going to the nursery.
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Not the same, but I wasn't even able to have my husband stay over because technically, I was in a shared room. Babies can sleep over, but not dads.
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Just had LO2 in March via C-section and DH did not spend the night. LO was in NICU and I knew DH wouldn’t be able to really do anything to help me he was so exhausted. It was fine. The nurses took good care of me!
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DH stayed at the hospital the first night after DS was born, then slept at home the next 3 while I sent the baby to the nursery. He had so much to do at the apartment to get it ready for us!
With this one, I will again have a csection, and I plan to have DH sleep at home and have the baby in the nursery every night. Having him rested and also keeping DS to as normal a schedule as possible is the most important to me.
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My DH stayed with me one night for the first. He looked so miserable on that "bed" and snored, keeping me awake. I thought at least one of us should be well rested (like @lioneyes), so I kicked him out. Second baby he never stayed the night. I was happy he was home to care for our daughter.
I had csections both times. Didn't get out of bed too much the first night and relied on nurses for any help I needed. I sent babies away for two hours stretches to try to rest, and loved getting to focus solely on the new baby second go round, knowing my attention would have to be split with my oldest.
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I didn't have a c section but DH didn't stay after my second and it was fine. My phone got left behind during labor so that first night I had nothing to do but sleep and it was kind of nice! I would definitely just try to set expectations around when you do want him there with you. He was very late picking us up to go home and the nurse was trying to get us out of there so that was annoying!
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My second c-section ended up being quite complicated in the end, so I could barely move the first night. My sister stayed overnight so my husband could be home with our toddler. After that, I stayed by myself and could manage to pick the baby up.
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I am lucky that my son is used to spending the night at his grandparents' house which is 15 mins from our hospital. Barring some sort of emergency husband will definitely stay overnight throughout my hospital stay.
My husband played a critical role in breastfeeding for the first eight weeks when nursing was painful for me. It started with our second night in the hospital, when our son was *starving* and I could not tolerate any more nursing. I was still producing colostrum so I couldn't pump yet. So I hand expressed colostrum onto a spoon, and my husband spoonfed the baby. It was a four-hand job. I would have been lost without his support.
This time we are expecting twins so I will definitely need his support!
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I had c sections both times and I don’t think I could’ve done it without DH there, at least the first night. You can’t move, you can’t pick up the baby, it’s hard to get out of bed, etc. we also looked at it as special bonding time both times. Those first few days in the hospital with both my kids were amazing. Plus, DS loved having all the attention from them. He continued going to daycare so his routine was mostly the same.
With LO2 my parents came to stay with LO1 and they just had to drive him around the corner to daycare and pick him up later. I can understand with two kids at home it gets more difficult. Personally, I’d probably try to hire extra help for the few days in the hospital. It would be that important to me to have help and for DH to not miss so much of those first couple days.
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@ShootingStar: yes there is such a helpless feeling with a csection especially for the first night! I can totally relate to your post. Extra help sounds good but i have no clue where to start looking and also i'm paranoid about people who arent relatives being in my home.
@ElbieKay: wow twins! Hopefully the experience from last time will help
@Iced Tea: Good point. I did think about having my mom stay in the hospital instead but those beds dont seem comfortable at all i would feel guilty having her sleep on it at her age.
@Happygal: @skipra: @lioneyes: @SweetiePie: @yerpie110: @KT326: @looch: @skipra: @Mamatimes3: @MamaCate: @Rocker2014: @LCTBQE: @momosakura: @Foodnerd81: @KT326: Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences! Sorry it took a while to respond I had a crazy day and didnt get to check back for a while. Its encouraging to hear so many of you survived just fine with your husbands.
You all make really good points about the benefits of having DH there and also the upsides to just letting him get a good nights sleep at home. We still have some time to decide so keep the responses coming
Wow I didnt realize some hospitals still have shared rooms, I guess that makes it simpler because the decision is made for you
@Purpledaisy: yes another poster mentioned their sister staying at the hospital which gave me that idea too. My concern is how comfortable she would be.
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: that sounds sucky not knowing! -
@misolee: good point! My mom sounds like your mom and would rise to the challenge. She tookd care of DD last time when DS was being born. I think i would be the most anxious worrying about it
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Have you had a c-section before? It’s very difficult to get to the baby on your own. If you have access to a nursery, I think you’ll be fine. In my part of Canada, we don’t have nurseries anymore - rooming in is expected and the nurses do very little with the baby. DH couldn’t stay overnight because I had a shared room. The baby was nursing all night. It was miserable. I remember I had gotten her to sleep in the bassinet and was just drifting off when I heard her spit up or vomit or something. Freaked my first-time mom brain out and I sat up and bounced out of bed like a flash. Baby was fine, but my tender c-section abdomen was sore for ages after that.
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I’m considering having my husband stay with our son instead of me, but we have a while to decide! I could have my mom stay with him, but he’d definitely do better with dad.
Also, I wanted to give you a suggestion for your son waking up. My son had the same issue at 2 and I usually took hours to get him back to sleep. It ended up being tummy trouble. We first eliminated most dairy (baked in amounts are fine, and all butter is fine), then limited fructose (check out the FODMAP diet, apples and onions are the biggest triggers). No joke, he started sleeping through consistently within 2 days. He only had wakeups when we messed up with the diet. I hope you can get some good sleep before baby comes!
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@Mrsbells: Do you have a sitter you trust? Can you pay her to be on call in case your mom needs help? Maybe she can just come in the morning to help get your daughter out the door, and maybe you can ask another parent to take your son to daycare that morning. Or he can stay home with grandma for a day.
I think a lot of this has to do with your concern about your mom's ability to handle your kids. So maybe she is not the right sole caregiver for this situation.
You could also look into hiring a postpartum doula to help you overnight in the hospital. You should make sure that you have the support you need, and it is ok and in fact important to prioritize that for a few days even though you are a mom.
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@Grace: yes this will be my 3rd csection. Wow that's sad to hear they offer such little help? Here its quite different they can keep the baby in thr nursery all night if you request or bring them in only for feedings etc
@ElbieKay: so far i don't have a sitter i trust. Aside from school/ daycare their only sitters gave been grandparents/aunts. However we moved out of state so we aren't close to any of our usual go to sitters.
@Mrs.Someone: Thanks for that tip, we can take a look at his diet. He doesn't eat much dairy other than cheese but its worth a try
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