LO is 13 weeks old today and we still haven't had sex yet. I'm too scared! Please tell me it's not that bad. I know we should use lots of lube since I'm breastfeeding but I'm afraid I'm going to be so tense I won't enjoy it at all. I feel bad because even when I was pregnant we only had sex a handful of times. (Side note- it wasn't because I didn't want to, he was too freaked out once I popped and he could feel the baby). So it'd been a really long time. Any advice on how to calm myself down?
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
We didn't for a while... I think it was around 10 weeks postpartum. I was really scared, too. And yes, it did hurt, and it took a while to really be able to enjoy it again, mostly because things were really tight down there and it was almost like I was a virgin all over again! And of course I was nervous and scared. But within a few months we were back to normal. Just use lots of lube and try to give yourselves plenty of time, and try to do things to relax (backrubs, soak in the bath together, candles, wine) and just give it a shot!!
nectarine / 2039 posts
I agree on the virgin comment. (And it blows my mind that having a giant baby head come out makes a penis more difficult to go in? Shouldnt it be almost easier?))
We tried for the first time at 8 weeks PP but I had warming lube and it made me feel like I had a fire down there.
We tried again this weekend (9 weeks) with normal lube and only went halfway in and that felt good, but couldnt go further.
I made it really clear to DH that I was in charge of how far and when to stop and that if I wanted to stop after 10 seconds that we would still be happy and could do other things.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
We did it a few days before I hit 6 weeks pp and it wasn't bad! I was nervous because I had 3rd degree tears, but it didn't hurt and we didn't need lube!
I would take it slow, try not to think too hard and make sure you have foreplay!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I didn't for almost 4 months. I got my period a month after my C-section and my period comes frequently...every 10-12 days! We were just too exhausted to play...things improved when LO moved out of our room and into the nursery!
pear / 1837 posts
I totally had tearing and was terrified that it was going to hurt like a [insert expletive here], but we started doing it again probably around 8 weeks pp and while the first time was a little borderline uncomfortable, I actually generally like it better now after having had a kid
grapefruit / 4400 posts
@cvbee: BWAHAHAAH your "fire down there" comment made me laugh.
I have a feeling it's going to be a l-o-n-g time for us, too. We haven't done it much during my pregnancy (I think it's been like, 3+ months since the last time? And I'm 38 weeks) and I doubt it'll happen before the 10 week mark after the baby's here. WAH.
bananas / 9118 posts
It was 8-9? weeks pp for us, and actually it was way better than I expected! I had a second degree tear, that took a while to heal, but that was all better by 6-8 weeks. Most of the time I'm too tired to think about it, but when we do get around to it, I actually think it is better than before I had the baby.
pomegranate / 3438 posts
It's good to hear some ladies say it was better than before! It was good for us but there is always room for improvement
I think we are just going to have to crack open a bottle of wine after LO goes to bed and go for it.
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
I haven't given birth yet, but I don't blame you! I am so nervous about this. I don't know how long I'll wait, but definitely the six weeks!
pomelo / 5321 posts
DH deployed to Afghanistan when I was 6 weeks pregnant. He came home a week before my due date for R&R. That was the only time we had sex for the year/during the pregnancy. He had to go back when DS was 10 days old. We didn't have sex until 4 months postpartum. Obviously, our situation is different than most but by that point I was ready and didn't experience any pain or discomfort.