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I had a loss after my DS was born, and am now pregnant again. I actually mentioned that to someone. When we were pregnant with our loss, we were both leaning towards just two. After the loss, both of us started leaning toward 3. Now that we're pregnant again, we're very much in the air about 2 or 3, but it definitely shifted a bit.

@MaryM: very similar for me as well. It was the loss of a family member.

We lost my grandpa- in 2012 and all of a sudden I realized family is really important. Wanted to make another member- we conceived shortly after.

Now that my dad just passed I look at life differently. It seems short and I have analyzed a bit more what I want out of it. It sounds cliche but I realize and really feel how short and precious... having lost my two closest family members in two years. My LO was my shining light through those early days and has kept me motivated. I appreciate her in a whole new way. So, we shall see for the future - we never had definite plans.

I had a miscarriage in 2013 and it helped my DH and I realize we would not try for anymore children, even though DH really wanted a 3rd. Truthfully, at my age (41), I was afraid of birth defects and my husband couldn't handle another miscarriage.

@KrzyRiver: I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. My MC baby wasn't planned either. I feel like that sometimes brings in a whole host of other emotions when people say things like "everything happens for a reason." I had major fear of DH being relieved since we weren't quite ready for a baby yet.

There's a "Beyond Miscarriage" thread if you're looking for a place for more support.

I t hasn't changed the fact that I want 3 kids, but my m/c makes the process of TTC twice more much more daunting and scary.

It sort of strengthened that resolve to have kids that was already there. I've already had two mc and sort of accept it as "part of life" that i will, more than likely, go through again. Statistically speaking, i just expect it to happen once or twice more in my future.

I second @Leialou: 's sentiment. While IF & loss have not necessarily changed my plans, it has made me much more tentative about how and when they might be realized.

I'm not sure if it has to do with a loss or not, but the older I get, and the fact that we are expecting a girl, makes me want to stop at two, whereas before I wanted 4 kids and my husband wanted 3. It took us longer than we hoped to conceive both times, so I kind of just want to be done after this, but I'm sure I will change my mind many times!

Our loss was before LO1 so it really didn't change anything - we were trying for a baby, knew we wanted a baby, and kept trying for a baby. It made the TTC process harder and longer. We thought we wanted 2-3 kids and still do (LO2 due in under a month!)

@KrzyRiver: Definitely check out the thread then. I think it makes a world of difference to be able to connect with women who have experienced similar things.

@FliegepilzHut: I try not to be *too* critical of how they react. I know they have no idea what I'm going through. But yes, it feels awful to hear.

When I had my first MC, my (now) husband and I had just met (and we were actually just friends who'd spent one night together) so I knew it was for the best.

My second one was a year after that. DH and I were together and super excited about the baby. But we had just started dating officially so, again, it was for the best. But it was much harder to handle since we were already talking about marriage and kids.

But we just got married this last June. We want to start a family right away because he already has a 14 year old son. And DH is 34 years old and he doesn't want to be chasing toddlers when he's 40. Lol. So yeah, this one is devastating to us.

It definitely has not gotten easier.

@mrsjyw: DH and I were always in the 3 to 4 kids camp, but after going through 4 back to back losses trying for #2, plus all the treatment that has gone along with my current pregnancy we might stop at 2

The losses have made me want my three... but the opposite for my husband, who's seen me lose the plot so many times, he'd be happy for just one more.

Just another way infertility/miscarriage is so devastating.

I'm sorry for your loss. For me it was not a loss so much as the long wait for this babe that made me more open than I might have been otherwise. I think if I had gotten pregnant right away, I might have felt more strongly about trying to control not getting pregnant in the future. Waiting 15 months for my bfp (knowing others have waited much longer!) made me feel more open to whatever timing is meant to be. Granted this is all how I feel pre baby, so I know that feelings may change still.