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Not at all, it's so sad. My mother's parents never approved of my dad. Too blue collar I think? When he asked permission to marry her they said "not right now" and never got back to him. So he married her anyways. My dad's parents relationship with my mom is quite strained, and not helped by them living on the same farm for years.

I never knew growing up, as they are all very good about not dragging us kids into their issues, but when I found out as an adult I was sad. Made me see my grandparents less favourably which is hard to come to terms with.

I'm so happy that Mr SH and I both get along so well with each other's family!

My dad gets along great with my mom's parents. My mom tries to get along with my dad's parents, but they just have decided not to like her.
They liked my dad's first wife and they talk about how awesome "first wife" was (who incidentally cheated on my dad, left him while he was deployed, and took his dog).

My Dad's mom wasn't always the nicest person and my mom bore the brunt of that more than she should have, though there was definetely love there. My Mom's mom was very nice to my dad, but she was a total grudge holder, and basically never forgave my dad because when they first got married, my mom supported him while he found his career. Doesn't matter that for the next 30+ years he spoiled my mom rotten, Grandma never let that first year go! lol!

For the most part yes. When we were little my dad's parents would visit for a month at a time. My mom would always be so so nice to them and I thought it was great having my grandparents there. But it wasn't until I got older that I learned how much of a hassle it was for my mom..... because she started to complain about it to me. My sister had to give up her room for a whole month, they would go to bed late and sleep in so everyone had to be quiet all morning for them. That's three kids being quiet until noon?! And they'd spend their days off at the beach or playing bingo, not so much hanging out with us.

But I would still say my mom loved my dad's parents and my dad loved my mom's parents.

Oooh, good thread idea!

My mum's parents both died when she was quite young so I never got to meet them or see my dad interract with them. He didn't like the rest of her family though (she was one of 8 children) and so as a result we just never saw them - I wouldn't recorgnise my aunts, uncles or cousins if I saw them in the street. We never got Christmas cards, even. It was just normal to me.

My dad also wasn't too keen on his own mother, really. My mum would tolerate her - she certainly had nothing against the woman but if my grandma wanted to visit us my mum would complain openly to me about what in inconvenience it was. We saw her on birthdays and at some point on the run up to Christmas (never Christmas day, that was "family" time ie the three of us) - so ,maybe, four times a year. My mum still jokes that as grandma walked up the garden path, my dad would slip out the back door and go out and we had to "deal with her".

I think this has definatlely contributed to the expectations I have about my relationship with my inlaws. I like them both a lot but now we have a child on the way I'm feeling very smothered by them - because I just don't understand what a normal extended family dynamic is. My mother contributes to this too by telling me that she thinks my MIL wants to "take over" my life and my child....

@mrbee: Can you share any examples of the way in which your mum interracted with your grandma, please? What is it that you have learned from watching them?

Yup. My parents grew up in the same small town and their families were already interconnected in some ways---like my two grandmothers went to elementary school together back in the 1920's, and both of my mom's parents were teachers in the HS and taught my dad, who happened to be their favorite student (my dad was a straight A student, class president, and voted Most Likely to Succeed).

Anyway, my mom's parents always loved my dad, and my dad's parents always loved my mom and we're all close on both sides of the family.

My mom's parents were fantastic in laws. My dad only complains that he never got a chance to make crazy MIL jokes, cause my grandma was a saint.

My dad's parents, however, have always been pretty stand offish with my mother. She was raised differently then they are and have always thought she was pretty snobby....even though she's not. She just isn't as "country" as my dad's family (it's the nicest word I could come up with.) They've always been cordial to her, but have never been super warm to her. An example, when my dad's dad passed away last December, all of my mom's family came to the funeral, to be there for my dad. When my mother's father or mother died, no one in my dad's family came. My parents have been married almost 40 years. You would think that my dad's family would think of us as part of them. I've gotten first hand, lately, how my dad's family feels about us, and I've since come to terms with it, but it was a sad awakening. They just don't think of us as one of "them."

My moms parents were more parents to my dad than his own parents ever were.

His mom was a crazy B who was completely nasty to my mom, my dad and us. It took her getting Alzheimer's for her to be nice to any of us again. (It's also hard to have hate feelings towards someone who asks "who are you?" Every 10 min)