I was with a group a few weekends ago and for about a half hour, it seemed like it was husband bashing hour. I get that they were trying to commiserate and find something in common but it's just not a conversation I am interested in joining in on.
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No. I don't have anything to complain about. I also prefer to keep relationship stuff private because people tend to remember the bad over the good.
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I might make an off-handed comment about something when I'm annoyed to a close friend, but in general, no. We prefer to keep any marital hiccups private (related side-note: I REALLY don't get people who put their whole relationship on Facebook. A few years ago I watched my cousin get married and divorced in the messiest, all out there on the internet way!)
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With good friends I may share a good-natured complaint. I NEVER participate in husband-bashing. He's amazing, and I prefer to talk about that!
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No.
I rarely complain about my husband. And if I need to, it's only to a friend or two who I know realize that most of the time, he's amazing, that I'm just frustrated in the moment.
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Sure. Sometimes my BFF and I just need to vent to each other about how bone headed our significant others can be, or whatever. It's a good way to just release any of that pent up anger and let it go, especially if it's over something silly.
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I complain to my friends, but I make sure I build him up most of the time. He's a great guy, but sometimes I just am irritated by something and need to vent about it.
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I voted no but the answer is a tiny bit. I occasionally make a single comment, mostly in jest but I try really hard not to truly complain. For example "ooh I am excited to go to that restaurant, there is a chipotle near there and once we are near one dh ceases to consider any other options!"
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Just really light things to kinda commiserate with one another. I wouldn't want people to think that he is perfect, but I also don't have like really deep rooted/big complaints either.
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Sure, to my sisters and close friends. I need to vent sometimes!
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Never. I find that very disrespectful.
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I've had my best friend since before either of us met our husbands. We know just about everything about each other. We commisserate when our husbands are being frustrating. I see no issues with it. Would I put that same stuff on facebook or chat with a casual acquaintance? No way.
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@Mrs. Pickle: @mrsrain: yeah, I have a hard time with it because I want to talk about the good things about him. But then I feel like I'm bragging...
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I will have a general conversation about men and their lack of attention, whatever. But it's in a totally harmless, roll the eyes and laugh kind of way.
I do not discuss specific issues DH and I might have.
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If I'm with my best friends and we are all venting sure, but I'm not going to join in with strangers. And it's not bashing in my mind, it's venting about the fact he never closes drawers or washes out his dishes
I have some friends who have more serious complaints about their DH but I have a happy marriage with an engaged spouse which makes a difference.
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Not often, maybe a small vent to a close friend.
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@BlueWolverine: I agree, my best friends have all been with me before DH and have seen me at my best and worst. We all know a lot about each other's lives/marriages/ect.
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I complain about stuff with friends, but certainly don't bash him. Things I share are always said in a lighthearted way and appear to be taken that way too. Any real beefs I have are kept in our house.
ETA: honestly if I felt the need to vent about something and get feedback I'd go to my therapist.
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To a group, no. But a casual complaint to my sister or a close friend, sure! My husband is a really wonderful partner and father but he certainly isn't free of faults.
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Only silly stuff like how he'll lose my tools and they'll show up in his pocket... just teasing stuff, nothing that actually bothers me.
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Just jokey stuff--like, oh, men kind of things. I always make sure to bring out the positive as well!
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I voted yes because I share with a couple best friends who I go to for advice, and I vent to my very small Oct 2013 moms FB group when I just need to get something off my chest. I don't sit around talking bad about him in random groups of women, but I have been known to make a lighthearted, "Husbands, am I right?" comment.
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@Greentea: I agree. Tbh we don't have that much to complain about but it's almost a rule in our relationship that we don't speak ill of each other.
What I hate is when someone criticises their partner in front of others (directly to the partner, not behind their back ). It's the worst.
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We both vent about each other to our close friends. I think that's totally natural and normal. I don't bash him, but he does frustrate me and I don't think it's healthy to bottle it up inside and honestly, there are some things that are not worth fighting over, but I can vent to a girlfriend and then forget about it and avoid a fight with DH.
@kitty: Honestly, I don't like this either. I had a friend who used to publicly comment on her husband penis size, in a group, in front of him. He's asian, so "YOU KNOW?". Not even joking. We aren't friends any more (due to a lot of other shit, but that certainly wasn't helping her cause either).
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Only to family members and only about his messiness.
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@kitty: super awkward...I hate that too!
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just to my online group of besties.
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Only in a lighthearted way.
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Only with my best friends - never to groups of women
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@.twist.: I think that's a great way to say it. Sometimes venting to a friend avoids an actual argument. I think that's very true for my relationship. Especially after having a child, there's not much that's worth a fight, but there's still plenty of frustration.
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I have friends that do this. I may make more of a funny comment on how he doesn't replace this or that. Nothing serious - and I'll usually tell him what I said.
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I have one (maybe two) close friends I would talk things over with if I was really having a hard time and needed advice, but I try not to just complain.
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To my close friends, yes.
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I've made a gripe or two about little silly things, but my husband has a completely hard fast rule about never speaking ill about me to anyone so I try to respect that as much as possible.
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Sometimes with my sister. Usually as a sounding board to see if I'm crazy because she's not afraid to tell me if I am.
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@.twist.: I can't even imagine being that inappropriate! How awkward! If my SO spoke about my private parts to others that would make me consider separation, it's such a breach of trust!
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Sitting around bashing him for an hour? Absolutely not. Sending a text in a group chat with my BFFs like "gggrrrr hubs is making us late for this birthday party and its making me crazy"? Sure. I really don't think it's so horrible to complain to friends every now and then to get something off your chest. I never say anything really terrible about him or air big issues (though we really don't have big issues). I also will text my friends things like "hubs just surprised me by cooking dinner and cleaning the whole kitchen with no help", so he gets his credit
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My closest friends and I will occasionally make one-off comments or the occasional vent over something boneheaded our spouse did. But we don't have spouse bashing sessions or anything like that. I would not bring up any major issues or anything like that though. That should stick within DH's and my relationship.
We also know each other's spouses really well in our spouses are all best friends so we all understand! All the guys act so much alike sometimes!
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No. I remember as a kid when my mom had friends over and they spent much of the night bashing their husbands and even though my mother didn't participate (and I'm so glad she set that example for me), it made me uncomfortable just to hear them talking like that, and I was only around 10-12. It stuck with me, I still find it very disrespectful.
If I have a genuine problem I need to discuss, I don't want to disrespect my husband in the process. I will find someone I trust deeply to talk to, and try to share both sides. I just really, really want him to know he has my respect, even if he upset me.
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Not to groups or our families. But with close friends one-on-one, I do share if I am annoyed about something. It helps get it off my chest. I wouldn't do this for genuinely serious issues, more day-to-day gripes.
I have some friends who have more serious complaints about their DH but I have a happy marriage with an engaged spouse which makes a difference.
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