Hellobee Boards

I do think that certain topics have more common responses but I also think there's a reason for vaccine responses being different than breastfeeding and cosleeping responses. Vaccines are something you either choose to do or not to do, in that the shot either is administered or not. (Yes, you can change your mind, do a delayed schedule, whatever, but it's not something you have to do daily.) Also, vaccines affect the general population more directly (Bf does too but many of the effects of bf on IQ and bonding can be replicated for bottle feeding moms, there's pumping, etc.). Breastfeeding and cosleeping are things that moms may try and stop for whatever reasons. (You can combo feed of bf for a lesser period of time than recommended..there's more of a spectrum than with vaccines, imo.) I do think HB is pretty pro-bf and most moms do have baby in their room for some period of time. As someone who formula fed I often felt I was WAY in the minority here.

There are a lot of hot topics: crib bumpers, extended breastfeeding, etc. Like @googly-eyes said, vaccines affect the general population which is why you may get a more heated discussion. I don't think you are that different from HB moms, and it is only your differing views with respect to vaccinations that make you feel as if you are really different.

I honestly don't see what this post could do, but start drama? I think there has already been lots of discussion about why vaccines is such a hot topic compared to other topics so I won't bother -- but I will say I think it's a shame if you feel like you don't "fit in" so to speak! I do think the majority of HB have a lot in common (female, at least high school graduates, in heterosexual relationships) but I value the community's differences! So I value you sharing your experiences and decisions, even if they're different from mine

@junebugmama: I wasn't trying to persuade anyone one way or another about vaxing, just trying to give an explanation for why it may be a more heated topic. I will admit that at one point I used to think HB was more for a certain view (which was much more crunchy than I) but I have stuck around and seen both sides of the issue on many issues..spaking versus not, various educational approaches, differing views on what parents should pay for, different views on the gears and gadgets we buy (eg, forward facing carriers), on sleep training vs not, on making vs buying baby food, on junk food for LOs, on different situations posted, and even silly things like gender reveals...

I hope you feel you can contribute to threads. Sure, some internet stranger may be judging you, but I think this site is pretty civil compared to many other parenting sites.

Yep I totally agree that I am sure lots of people would rather not speak up. I absolutely love hearing different views on topics and can make for a really interesting conversation. I think what happens is that those with extreme opposite views voice their views so strongly that part of it becomes offensive to somebody.

I think it may appear we're all of a similar mindset when you're talking about controversial posts. Sure I have no problem talking about what gear I picked out for my baby but on posts about abortion, politics, vaccinations, etc. I choose not to post if I disagree because there's no point in creating drama. I come here for parental help and suggestions and not judgement on my personal beliefs.

There are some threads that I don't comment on because I disagree and don't feel like defending my point of view unless I'm very passionate about it. I know there are some other posters who have felt the same way - they just won't speak up when the thread leans in a different direction than their own thoughts.

Also, I think we're all pretty different but I really like that it's a friendly community filled with so many women that I genuinely like even if they are totally opposite from me.

@junebugmama: I can kind of see where you are coming from. I think like any community, hellobee has a set of general practices and beliefs that tie most people together and there are always going to be outliers and people who help challenge the common belief and help others to expand their views.

I think in general this is a well educated group of people (whether that refers to formal education or personal research) and people strive to do what they think is right. But, everyone is human and I think sometimes people try to find rationalizations for less than ideal decisions they make- and everyone's ideal decision will look a little different.

I hope you continue to find good in the community, I value having people here with opinions and thoughts that challenge me. I find it worthwhile to consider points of view I haven't previously considered. And that being said I am probably an outlier in some areas too! All in all, Hellobee is by far the most supportive, friendly community I have found and I am so thankful for it.

I certainly think it attracts a certain mindset, but I think that most sites and forums out there do that. I mean if you have a niche market, work it. FWIW, I generally avoid hot topic issues.

This post is going bad, fast. I personally think EVERYTHING you said was meant with malice. Being rude under the cloak of "just being honest" is still rude.

Eta: I feel that your idea of everyone being 'one type' and you not feeling represented could have been said in a MUCH less aggressive way. I understand you may have been using SIDS and vaccines as trigger word in order to draw attention or really drive your point home, but it feels so negative and a little attacking.

Actually, one of the things that I truly appreciate about HB is that every single mother on here, whether she vaccinates/co sleeps/BFs/FFs/etc, is simply trying to be the best parent she can be- and that genuine effort and concern comes through in threads and responses. I don't think it matters if not everyone does the same thing the same way for their children, or if they do. I think that the draw of this community, is that we are all essentially trying to be the best parents we can be, and we are all trying to learn from one another and share our wins/fails/experience in the event that it helps another mom out.

So I really don't think there is one type of mother on here, but I do think that all the types of mothers on here are just doing their best to be good mothers. Without judgement.

While I do think hb attracts a "certain kind of woman" I would classify her as someone who does a lot of research and thinking about parenting and is more educated or researched about their viewa. To your comment on vaccinating, I haven't done any research in the stats but I have to think that the vast majority of parents DO vaccinate, so it's not surprising that most on here do too.
I do find hb to lean a little crunchier and attachment oriented than most people I know irl.

You cannot make inflammatory statements about people who do not co-sleep while basically asking for acceptance about your stance on vaccinations. Respect is a two-way street.

And no, I don't feel HB is only for one type of mom. Yes, I think the proportion of cunchy, AP moms is higher here than other places but I dont think its all that much higher than the people I know IRL. Im a FF, crib at 2 weeks old, CIO, laid-back, free-range mom who takes everything the AAP says with a grain of salt and I have never felt like I was an outsider. I have also never felt like I couldn't share my opinion when it was warranted. My attitude is always "Here's my opinion, take it or leave it". I think when you're setting out to force your opinion or change someones mind is when you run into trouble.

Im going to skirt over the specific issues you mentioned, except to say that I do feel that you massively trivialised the vaccinations topic in your original post. I don't care if "someone elses kid" gets "chicken pox or whatever". I do care when children start dying from childhood killers like measles and whooping cough. Rightly or wrongly, it does suggest a lack of understanding or a refusal to engage with the whole issue - I wonder if this might be why you get furious responses when you state your point of view? Im sure this isn't the case but it potentially comes across that way.

In response to your actual question - no, I don't think HB is for one type of parent because I don't think there is *one* type of parent. In addition, I formula feed, use disposables, moved my baby into her own room before three months and nobody has ever made me feel guilty. I came on here before I had my baby and started a post basically saying "I don't want to breastfeed" and I got lots of very helpful info (I was encouraged to do so of course) but I was respected 100%.

I think the issue is less about differing opinions, but more that some posters feel the need to stir the pot and use inflammatory language or examples.

If you have something to contribute and want to contribute on a thread do so. If you want to start a thread do so. It's up to each individual mom or mom to be to participate. I don't see HB as a singular voice at all. Some people choose to lurk instead of post. Not every thread will turn into or needs to turn into a battle. But, if your goal is for more like minded moms to be more open about their views how about encouraging them by starting threads that give them "cover".

@sea_bass: I wasn't on WB and found HB another way. I agree with you most moms are married on here. A single mom recently introduced herself. There are two other HBers that were "single" and are now married/engaged.

I disagree about HB not tackling heavy topics. Since Gold was created those more sensitive topics are often found there.

I do think HB draws a more educated crowd than what you find in many other online communities. There might be a post a month that gets a little intense, but all in all, I think things here are pretty tame.

I don't think this is a very crunchy group, and I don't come here expecting to find that. If I want to get granola-y, I go to a different forum. Breastfeeding and cloth diapering, by the way, isn't crunchy to me as it's become pretty mainstream, at least where I live.

This isn't HB, this is life. Most parents in the US vaccinate, most mothers in the US are married, many people in the US choose not to cosleep, many people in the US can't or don't breastfeed. It's not surprising that a subset of (mostly American) mothers would reflect these demographics.