DH just got home from work (7pm) and we have been planning to go to the park this evening, but since he worked so late I want to stick around the house and just relax. Part of me wants to go and spend time with him and the girls but the other part of me wants to get some time to myself. Does anyone else ever feel guilty in situations like this?
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
Yup, but I know that I am a better parent and wife if I take breaks, same with I am better if I work.
pomegranate / 3438 posts
Nope. But my son also has a huge mommy preference so whenever I can get him to do something with just DH I am extremely happy!
grapefruit / 4321 posts
Nope. I work full time, I'm 7 months into exclusively breastfeeding our second, I'm default parent and manage things like bills, meal planning, the family's schedule, etc. so when he wants to take the kids out of the house and give me a break, I don't feel guilty a bit.
ETA: I feel like my post makes my husband sound a deadbeat which he is so not. He just works really long hours which provides very well for our family, but leaves most of the home things to fall on my shoulders, and though I work fewer hours than him, I still put in at least 40 hours a week, so I get burned out and I'm happy to take a break when I get one, and he's happy to give them to me!
eggplant / 11824 posts
Nope! Everyone except martyrs needs a break now and again.
cherry / 201 posts
Yup, I feel guilty. But I also know it makes me a better mom (and wife). Not to mention just plain happier!
honeydew / 7463 posts
I feel sorta guilty, but not enough to not do it
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
Sometimes I do even though I know I shouldn't. We have been having a tough couple of weeks so I'm taking whatever I can. I will be a better mom and wife and person with more time to be totally off for a few minutes.
To that effect we just hired a weekly babysitter to come for a few hours. She might just take the toddler or take care of both, but I think the price for her to come is worth it if it means I have more patience and am not yelling and fed up all day.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
Nope! I went away last weekend with girlfriends and it was much needed.
papaya / 10343 posts
As long as I feel I'm spending enough time with LO I don't feel guilty. On weekdays I feel like I never see her enough so I prob wouldn't duck out on a weeknight. But on weekends? Totally! (and I would on weekdays too if I worked less)
pear / 1521 posts
In the situation you described, yes, I could imagine feeling a little guilty or sad not going with them to the park. I don't like to miss out on too much quality time.
That being sad, I take a little break most nights while my DH brings LO upstairs to get ready for bed and they play in her room for about 15 minutes. Do not feel guilty about that one bit.
grapefruit / 4988 posts
Yes, but I'm trying to get over it. I have been feeling so off lately, and I think a part of it was not getting enough time with friends. This week I decided to be pro-active about it so I went out after work with co-workers today and it was a huge mood booster. I'm sure I'm a better parent and spouse when I'm happy so I think it was worth it. Plus I even made it back in time for LO's bath and bedtime. It's amazing what a couple hours can do.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
Nope, I'm an introvert and if I don't have enough decompression time alone, it makes me a crappier mom and wife. I also have a newborn right now so I have even less time to myself. I feel bad about not spending more time with my toddler as a result - he's in daycare full-time still and DH is his default parent while I tend to the baby - but I take solace in the fact that I'm really happy and engaged when I AM with the toddler and that in the long run my 21 month old wont remember the brief period I was constantly holed up in my room breastfeeding.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
Not really. If I do it's for a split second than I'm over it and enjoying my rare alone time!
watermelon / 14467 posts
No. I need some time to focus on being J rather than Mom.
honeydew / 7622 posts
Sometimes. But it's good for everyone.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I'll be the minority to say that I do!
It's hard for me to shake the guilt b/c I WOH so I feel like I barely see DD at all... I try to just soak up anything I can get pre and post work. So even if I'm exhausted I most likely woulds till force myself.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
All the time, but sometimes, I really need that alone time. Even if it's just 30 minutes to breathe and not stress/worry over the kids.
apricot / 450 posts
I feel guilty right now, only because we have a newborn with a mommy preference. If I take a break, DH is juggling 2 kids on his own and the baby is a bit of a handful for him (since he can't just throw boobs at him like I can lol). I went back to work this week, which has forced DH and LO2 to find their groove when I'm not around, and things have been okay so far. I'll probably start feeling okay with leaving to go running or do quick errands sometime near the end of this month.
Lo1 is 3 and the baby is only 2.5 months old right now.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
Yes. I don't see the kids enough as it is. But I haven't gotten a solid nights sleep in almost a year, so sometimes I just need a rest.
honeydew / 7235 posts
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
Yes. But I feel soooo much better after I've had a good break. When too much time goes where I don't get a break, I can feel myself not being a great parent.
papaya / 10570 posts
I feel very guilty but not because I'm missing out on quality family time, its because I feel like I'm putting pressure on my husband and taking liberties. We are both on the go constantly - I do most of the child related stuff and most of the housework (I'm on maternity leave), but he works long hours and, when he's home, does 50% of the child wrangling. He doesn't get a break, neither do I. If I let him take both kids away for a period of time, I would have to do the same for him - and I neeeeeed that 50% time!!!
cherry / 174 posts
I feel guilty ALL THE TIME. I feel like, if I had time for therapy, I should probably be going just for this!
When I take time for myself, it means I'm putting more work on my husband, or someone else. I feel guilty for running necessary errands after work or on the weekend without the LO, for taking a shower when she's awake. When she first started daycare as a 2 month old, I felt guilty during my lunch breaks. Because I knew she would be much happier in her mama's arms, but there I was not working just eating a sandwich ... Even though she's a year old now, I sometimes still feel guilty for enjoying a lunch break.
I have a problem. It's caused resentment, because I project my feelings a lot, and it's not fair to my husband. I did not see this coming at all - no one talked to me about "mom guilt" before I had my baby.
I take breaks, I do what I gotta do, but the guilt eats away at me constantly. It's something I really need to work through. Especially before we decide to have another kid!
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Nope, we both take breaks, it makes us better parents.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Yes, I feel guilty, but I still do it because I have to for my health.
nectarine / 2972 posts
Nope, never. We both give each other plenty of breaks. However, I do work part time so I feel that I spend plenty of time at home. I might feel differently if I worked full time.
nectarine / 2010 posts
I always feel guilty until I am actually taking my break. The lead up kills me every time. We don't live near family, don't really have the budget for a regular babysitter, and DH works weird hours. As another poster said when I take a break it just puts more on DH which is what I actually feel guilty about, I don't feel bad about leaving DD.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Heck no! I need time to decompress plus it's important to have one on one bonding.
persimmon / 1328 posts
If we had a family thing planned and then I decided not to go I would feel a bit guilty - probs just because I don't like it when people change plans on me!
But I don't feel guilty at all about taking a little time to myself here and there and leaving DH with both kids (2.5 and 3 months). I think I would if I worked, but I'm a sahm so I know they get more than enough of my company!