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Not so much defend but I've had people ask me why i would want to not use pain meds. Trying to explain my reasoning makes me a little uncomfortable bc I don't want to sound like I think other options were bad, I just did what I felt comfortable with. My brother, tactful he's not, was like, why the hell wouldn't you get an epidural?? (His wife pushed, with an epi, for two hours bf eventually getting a c section).

Most people I know are pretty open about it though.

No, but I am pretty easygoing about my choice to go for the drugs, and I have much respect for those who didn't! I do have an acquaintance who feels the need to inundate me with anti-vaccine propaganda.

In my experience, people are more passionate about their choices *before* giving birth!! Most people I know who have been through it (hospital births, at least) no longer use the word choice!

Perhaps I will find this more when I start phrasing by birth story differently. One day I will talk about how I refused opiates, waited so long to get the epi in case I stalled labour I ended up getting to 10cm without it, chanted "I can do this, I can do this" in between syntocin induced contractions and pushed out my baby with no pain relief. Right now, I can only talk about how harrowing it was and how next time I'm having an elective section under general anesthetic, wake me up when its 18.

I haven't given birth yet, but it really bothers me how women judge each other so much based on their choices on childbirth. Women who want medicated, hospital births think natural moms are crazy hippies. Women who go the natural route think women who use medication care less about their baby's well-being. It doesn't matter what side you are on, there is always someone, (even strangers in line at the store) who want to tell you that your choices are wrong. I keep my birth plan to myself to avoid situations such as this. It's too bad we can't be respectful and open to the choices of others without judgement. After all, we're all mothers (and mothers to be)! We all want what's best for ourselves and our children! And in the long run, the way we give birth doesn't make us any more or less of a mother.

I have experienced this defensiveness repeatedly- never from real friends but definitely from co-workers or friends of my family. They were the same people who told me I was crazy to try a homebirth or that I said I wanted an unmedicated experience but once I actually went into labor "man, you're gonna change your tune!". Once I had a successful homebirth, those same people became very defensive about their own experience.

I agree that most people I've known have been more passionate before birth. Not all, though, and I have experienced some negativity in real life. I've felt defensive about my birth a couple of times when my outcome (planned natural birth, got an epidural that failed, then ended up needing a c-section) has been framed by others as a choice (I don't regret my c-section, but I didn't choose it), or when people have tried to armchair quarterback my birth story. I've gotten things like "they must've done too many interventions," or "I'm sure if you labored long enough you wouldn't have needed a section, but they must've cut you off too soon" (ha! 36 hours is a short labor now?!), or the worst one of all: "I had natural births, and they were not so bad. Really anybody can if they try." The last two were coming from someone with faster labors, no back labor, and who never got "stuck" like I was for hours at over 9cm (so not fun); basically the opposite of my labor experience, but she somehow thought she knew exactly what my experience was like based on her own, and that I just didn't work hard enough (ha!). It's silly because our births were so different it's like apples to oranges. That kind of exchange makes me defensive, and I think the small percentage of people out there who say those sorts of things can cause preemptive defensiveness in others.

If someone is just openly sharing their birth story, I don't really get defensive. I like hearing birth stories and sharing my own, and most people are understanding of the fact that there isn't a "right" way to birth. Sometimes unplanned things happen, sometimes planned things happen, but we all are just trying our best to get our babies here safely. When we can both acknowledge that, I don't feel defensive at all.

In real life, only my MIL had issues about that.

I'm going from one extreme to the other. Before I was a birth center, med free birthing mom...now I'm planning on scheduling a c-section...I swear, if people have anything negative to say to me about my birth choice this time around, I'm going to make them feel just awful.

I have a feeling my mom is going to be one in that group.

@emg86: I think everyone has some sense of defensiveness about their birth experience.
I'm sorry it keeps you from sharing--I love home birth stories even though I didn't have one.

When I was pregnant with #1 I always said I was gonna see how long I could go before deciding on epidural, I went in with a 'whatever happens, happens' attitude. I ended up with a csection. Afterwards I only got slightly defensive about it when people would give me the 'aww, I'm so sorry you couldn't have a vaginal birth.' Or, 'if you would have waited longer you probably wouldn't have needed one' comments. Did I want a csection? No. But i did want a healthy baby, and when your in pain and not even dilating past a 2! And hearing the monitors beep everytime your child's heart rate decels, you make the decision that is best for you and your child.
With #2, I had to defend my choice for a scheduled repeat csection. I got a lot of 'come on! Don't you want to even try?' I also got more of those from people who have never been pregnant, or don't have children.

Giving birth is a tremendous event in a woman's life. The obstacles we face, and the feats we accomplish throughout our labor and delivery can be any blend of personal choice and comfort, and coercement based on necessity or safety. Being defensive is a completely natural reaction, if you've come across elitism from those who chose a different road to motherhood.

@emg86: Turns out, she was actually pretty supportive when I told her yesterday. Surprised me, but made me feel better about my choice.