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The relationship with my family has always been good. We see each other probably at least once a month and I'm better at that now that we have kids that like to visit G&G.
I was just thinking the other day how I rarely talk on the phone to my parents anymore though... its just too easy to text. And I feel like I don't have enough to talk about anymore! We see my siblings fairly regularly also although I barely ever talk to my brother, he's 7 years younger so we were just never close. Nothing bad there though.

The relationship with my in laws has definitely deteriorated over the years. We have zero relationship with my FIL and haven't for 5 years, and MIL is strained but okay right now. Same with DH's siblings, we get along right now but it is on/off with one of his brothers because of his alcohol problem.

With in laws, I just keep trying with MIL. (FIL we wrote off awhile ago). I'll keep inviting her to outings with us (even though she always has an excuse), and let our kids go visit her often (we are neighbors). I don't ever want to be the reason my kids don't have a relationship with her.
DH doesn't 'try' though, he's got a lot of built-up resentment, therapy would be great but not something he'll do. He's okay with me taking the lead on that relationship. I don't think he'll ever be 'close' to his mom again.

I'm fairly close to my immediate family - mom, dad, and my brother and his family, in that we see them a decent amount. But I wouldn't say we're really close emotionally. My dad isn't great at the emotional stuff in general, and my mom tries her best to be supportive but generally makes things about her and more dramatic than they need to be, so I don't go to them for emotional support. Also, lately my parents have been prioritizing my brother's crazy demands and seeing his kid versus mine (long story), so that's also making me back off a little.
Like @KT326: , I have cousins nearby that we hardly ever see. I've been the one to reach out in the past, but they don't seem interested in having an ongoing relationship except to see each other at major life events. I grew up hanging out with cousins, so it makes me sad that my kids won't have that.
As for my MIL and DH's siblings, we see them about 3 times a year when we go visit (a 6 hour drive away), but no one makes a big effort to be close the rest of the year. There's no animosity or anything, it's just how his family is. I will occasionally text with his mom or sister, mostly about the kids, and now that there's Zoom, we've done some video chats, but that's it. I think DH talks to his mom on the phone every couple of months. And they almost never visit us. That's not an exaggeration - I think they've been here maybe 5 times in the 15 years we've been together, and some of that was for our wedding or children's births.

My family has never felt restorative to me. They provide support in plenty of ways, but I often have to put up emotional walls.

My parents drink the Fox News koolaid, so I long ago banned political discussion because they can't conduct a respectful discussion. My dad values wealth and prestige to an unhealthy degree. (I guarantee that if I called and asked my alma mater's US News rank, he would know it off the top of his head. I graduated 22 years ago.) My mom cannot have a single unexpressed thought and constantly needs to feel needed, which is exhausting. My sister is living the same exact lifestyle in her mid-40 that she had in her mid-20s, and I worry about her future but don't feel like I can discuss that with her. My MIL has enough complicated issues that I don't trust her to watch my kids, which does not go over well with either her or my husband.

But, my parents were excellent providers. I had a stable childhood with an abundance of opportunities and no college loans. They watch my kids regularly which materially lowers my childcare costs. They clearly love their grandkids. My sister is also a very loving and engaged aunt.

Our relationships are all cordial enough, but our families are not a source of support. Part of this is just that we all live far apart, but it also goes beyond that...

My MIL means well, but has a personality where she cannot stop criticizing everything literally non-stop, including things like my kids physical appearances. She's also social media obsessed and just doesn't have a ton of maturity - it drives my husband crazy and they do not get along well. For this reason, she has decided to take all her criticisms to me and I just deal with it as politely as possible when she visits, as she does adore the kids and my older LO especially enjoys seeing and zooming with her. FIL we see rarely - he doesn't speak much English so I'd say essentially I don't have any relationship with him and DH isn't close.

My parents also mean well and adore their grandkids, but have their own challenges (including some very serious and severe mental health challenges) that prevent them from being a source of emotional support, which is about the extent of what's possible given that they live far away. We do have the kids zoom with them regularly.

DH and I only have one sibling between us. He is much younger than me and we were never close. I think we'd both like more of a relationship, but he lives far away and we are just too stretched thin for it, as between the two of us we'll soon have five kids three and under.

The result of having no family nearby is that I feel like we essentially have no support network, sometimes it can feel like we're barely hanging on between work and kids and any small thing coming up can disrupt the balance and make it all chaos. It's not ideal but i also don't see an alternative...

You don't get to choose your family, and while I think there are certain obligations (within complicated and very individual limits) to support them in times of need, you also have to take care of yourself and step back when you need to for your own health and well being. There should be no guilt in that...

We’re very close to my parents— we see them about once/week and they’re the first people we contact for support. My brother and I used to be very close, but we don’t live close and life is just too busy. Like, he has 4 kids and both he and sil have demanding careers. I think he puts up a lot of boundaries as well and isn’t clear about why— I try not to take it personally but it does hurt sometimes. Plus, with the pandemic it’s been even harder.

On dh’s side… let’s just say that since fil died, I’ve come to realize how narcissistic and passive aggressive mil is (she used to blame a lot of bs on fil that I think was actually just her…) and I have zero patience for it now that my los are my priority. Especially since lo1 is now old enough to pick up on the tension and has already been very hurt by her during recent visits— she gets so anxious about her unpredictability and sometimes very unkind comments. We have to set pretty firm boundaries and try not to ask for help because it constantly turns into a martyr situation. On the other hand, I used to hold sil more at a distance because she used to be very unreliable and fly off the handle easily, but we’ve become closer after a recent family trip.