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I think kids can be spoiled with things and lack of structure/rules, but not with attention and love.

My daughter is definitely spoiled with material items (we gave away 150 shopkins last month and she hasn't even noticed yet because she still has a huge bag full! Grandma is out of control) but she isn't ungrateful.

I don't worry about it because she isn't ungrateful or brat about it - in fact tonight unprompted she said she wanted to give away some of her toys to other kids.

But yes, without a doubt she is spoiled!

LO just said the most 'unspoiled' thing I've ever heard in awhile. She earned a privilege to pick a toy at the store and couldn't decide which one to get so she agreed to come back another time. A few days later she said she didn't want to buy a toy but instead she wanted to help the family and buy a duster instead.

Oh yeah. I've had an eight year old come to visit DS and make all kinds of snide comments about the size of the house, the food, etc. For what it's worth, I think it was school influence more than parenting.

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@Bao: i think theres a spectrum of being spoiled rather than just one set definition. I think DD is spoiled to some extent and she doesnt realize how lucky and blessed she is to be able to have the things and experiences she has.

I absolutely think kids can be spoiled. If adults can be spoiled, so can kids.

@looch: I agree with Mrs Blue. Most kids whine and manipulate to try and get what they want, it's normal and there's def a range of personalities. But if the reaction to the kid is always appeasement, it's not teaching to deal with normal emotions. As they get older and their interactions aren't just with mom and dad the entitlement of thinking fixing an unpleasant emotion should be at the top of every ones priorities comes out as entitlement.

@looch: It's just my opinion but yeah I think disappointment is a normal feeling people have to learn to cope with. I give my kids lots too but there are some boundaries. And they deal with their disappointment right now like kids, sometimes whining and pestering, but again theres limits and I expect more mature responses as they get older. But sadness, guilt, anger, etc aren't always nice feelings but I think sometimes the rush to fix that unpleasantness for a kid stunts them from learning to cope and that comes out as entitlement as they get older. Not that I say deal with it yourself, they're kids, but acting more of a guide at times than always a fixer.

I think all kids will act spoiled in some way or another, period. Kids are kids, and it's easy to start expecting things if they've gotten what they want or have been the centre of attention since birth. I think it's possible for kids to be spoiled materially and emotionally. I also think it's so easy for parents nowadays to spoil our kids materially because stuff is so cheap!! Our parents didn't have the dollar store - stuff was expensive back in the day.

It's just up to parents how we want to help the manage disappointment or expectations. When DS was younger, we would just give in to his crying/whining or make DD give him a toy - but that was just spoiling him because he came to expect it. It's a lot easier to give in to our kids, but i think that does impact how kids respond to disappointment when their expectations aren't met.

@Maysprout: I think it's important not to impute intent to a small child's reaction to being told no . . . simply because they express displeasure with the decision, i.e., whine, etc., does not mean that in so doing they hope to manipulate their way to a yes. I think most children just don't understand why they can't have what they have asked for.(And the fact that a parent relents because a child whines is more of an indication of that parent's state of mind than the child's . . . having a no turned into a yes may very well be an unintended consequence, e.g., because mom/dad doesn't want to work through the process to explain no or listen to the child's disappointment.) Expressing disappointment is something we all do, children and adults alike. That's not to say it's not possible for children to try to manipulate a situation, I just don't think that that's true for most kids (especially not younger children). Eta: TL/DR: Just because an adult feels like they are being manipulated doesn't mean that that was the child's intent.

@looch: I don't think whining equals spoiled. Communicating disappointment/frustration is a natural reaction to not getting something you hoped you would get.

@pwnstar: I didn't mean whine to manipulate. I meant them as two separate events and said whining was a normal kid reaction. I agree that kids aren't always trying to change your mind when they're whining, they're reacting to something. But kids, especially as they get older, do try and figure out how to get what they want, we all do, just because I hear a no doesn't mean I always take that as a final answer It doesn't make anyone bad, it's a smart thing to do and a good skill to have to manipulate a situation. I def listen to my kids if they're making good points or offer to do something in exchange, or laugh a little if my oldest tells me I look pretty. But it also isn't always going to work.

@Maysprout: Gotcha--totally see that now! (tricky things those conjunctions) And lol, I don't usually *hear* no the first time either.

My baby is spoiled. Everyone is making great points about learning to cope and that is one thing I (we) are not teaching. He's a baby and could care less about his toys and books and when he grows up what he gets and has will just be his normal. What he gets now from me at least is a cry-less or cry-free existence.

I agree with a lot of what's been posted here. I don't think babies can be spoiled, but kids can be and can grow up to be very entitled, enabled adults who struggle to be independent and take responsibility for their actions and life outcomes because they think they deserve things to be handed to them rather than worked for. I don't think love and affection can spoil kids, it's much more about material things but also not providing opportunities for children to do tasks on their own, even if they might fail or struggle or find a task difficult.

I'm thinking of a super specific individual I know whose mother would do her homework for her rather than let her get a bad grade. She was still doing her homework (/"helping" but actually doing it) for her in community college girl should have gotten some bad grades early on and learned to deal with them! It's not just school either-- this person doesn't take responsibility for her behavior or life outcomes (isn't qualified for the kind of job that would make enough money to fund the lifestyle she thinks she deserves ) at all and blames everyone and everything else

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I really don't feel like babies can be spoiled, so I think you're fine!

I definitely think kids can be spoiled. I see a lot of kids every day (teacher), and there are definitely spoiled kiddos. I always feel kind of bad for them because I think it sets them up for challenges later on.

@Maysprout: I agree. I think it's more about learning to cope with emotions.

I also think spoiled can be about other things related to independence. At 5, I expect DD to get herself dressed, put her own shoes on, pour her own milk and cereal, speak for herself at restaurants, get herself a sweater if she's cold, etc. I definitely think kids can be spoiled in terms of independence and that's possibly worse than being spoiled with goods.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Well, I still come first, at the age of almost 42 in my father's eyes, so I guess you could call me spoiled. I can literally call up my dad right this minute with some problem and he'll be here in 5 minutes.

I am probably the most spoiled adult I know.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't think babies have memories of "coming first". I don't think they are able to conceptualize that way. As babies turn into toddlers and then kids, what's "normal" shifts, as do your interactions and expectations. I agree with others that I wouldn't worry about spoiling a baby with affection; I think all babies should be spoiled with affection