I used to think that being petty or jealous is something that people learned. But then I became a parent, and realized that some kids wrestle with jealousy right from the get go. Now I'm not sure.
Do you think pettiness/jealousy is something people learn, or is it something people are born with?
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
I think jealousy is a normal human emotion. I guess pettiness is a poor/ immature way of managing / expressing it? We can learn to manage our jealousy just like we learn to manage other difficult emotions, like anger. The root emotion isn't the problem, it's what you do with it.
I think a little jealousy is healthy! Gives you something to work toward!
squash / 13764 posts
@Silva: yep agree with this!
I think jealous is a normal reaction to wanting something that we can't/don't have. Kids (and adults) react to that feeling differently, and react to not having what they want differently. Those differences might be partially personality, and I think a lot of it is parenting as well (so nature and nurture).
pomelo / 5866 posts
I think it is a personality tendency but can get pervasive if left to own devices or squashed if the right guidance and support is given. Off the top of my head, for example, no comparisons, fairness, consistent messages of being uniquely special, no favorites. I was rarely ever jealous of friends or anyone I knew but always a bit insecure (and angry) about my little brother if there was even a hint of unequal privelege or affection. So I think jealousy has specific situational triggers.
persimmon / 1404 posts
I agree that jealousy to a degree is a normal human instinct. I think it's normal and can be healthy to feel a certain way when someone has/does something you want. However, I think that it can easily cross a line into being unhealthy.
My mom is extremely jealous of everyone and everything (even though she has a life that maybe 0.5% of the population could only ever dream about!) and I noticed that my silbings who still live at home start to get the same pettiness and bitterness that she has. I realized after I moved out that I had also inherited some of those traits and I worked hard to condition myself to no longer feel that way.
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